so i know ISFP’s are Fi-Doms. I fell for his charm in the beginning but quickly realized its exhausting and I need out. he listens, but never truly listens. he has the emotional intelligence of a 12yo boy.

whenever I tried to get into topics that move me, like injustice or the crimes against humanity, nature or wildlife he’d constantly invalidate my feelings cause he wants to focus on the positive things in his life and transform negativity and he just simply doesn’t feel the same way. he’s always bringing up his feelings. I cant have one feeling for myself without him making it about himself somehow. Most of the time he never understood me. and never tried to tbh.

curious if there are happy romantic INFJ x ISFP relationships out there. I wouldnt again.

I want to understand things the first time I encounter them. When I have to struggle to understand something, I get frustrated, and that frustration makes me want to avoid it altogether.
I’ve read that Robert Greene said the frustration itself is the learning process, but I always feel that my frustration comes from a lackluster explanation. Still, no textbook can answer every question that arises in my mind, so further research is inevitable.
Is this an INFJ thing?

Do you feel unseen sometimes by your family when you’re struggling?
I don’t want to be something more they have to be preoccupy for and instead I’d like to be there for them and try to help as much as I can. But most of the time I feel like I ended up being unseen on how much I could be struggling with holding all together and how much tiredness I could be carrying mentally. I feel like there’s clues about it that help you see when someone is not very okey like in their aspect, the things they been eating or small things they share. Somehow I feel those things remain unseen for them. Also there is always someone else first, something more important, someone that needs more help or requires more care. That’s okey and I even might be wrong about writing this. I think I still can carry everything on and suppress that thought. But sometimes it borders me a little. Why they can’t see I’m in pain? Is this even something selfish?

I didn't age well. Stuck at some age in my teens. Everything feels like I should get to this now except I don't want to face anything. There's way too much ennui and I don't know how to transmute that because even that requires strength.

I know there are professional fixers but they are not available to me right now. I wonder how I can change my mind, make it look forward to responsibilities not because I have to but that I want to.

Always looking for an escape. How do you just will yourself when you're deprived of sleep and the pleasure of care less ness.

Tldr: responsibilities scare me. How do I face them fearlessly?

just the title, its just been circling in my mind and j cant find any yt videos to watch rn. I wanna do a deep dive but ngl just want some background info first so I know which keywords to use.

well i wanna do a deep dive if it ends up being really interesting

He is INFJ Old Soul.
I want to make sure he doesn’t feel obligated to sacrifice himself. I don’t want to miss any signs that his needs are not being met.
I read about INFJ men a lot here, and chatbots. Trying to learn more.
My brother is INFJ and I am familiar with some of the tells, but now I’m standing at a closer proximity with someone I did not grow up with, and multi angle viewing keeps me in constant hypothesis mode. I don’t want to start down a path to later realize it’s all mirrors.

-INTJ

I am having an early life crisis.

Highschool me was always told that I would do great things in the world. I was praised for my outspokenness that I expressed through writing and spoken-word. People told me to "never lose that fight" in me.

Four years ago after graduating high-school I declared my major as computer science some months before uni started. I had good things about it and just did it. One month before uni starts I switch to psychology, noting I want to pursue mental health counseling and that computer science isn't really me. After I switched to psychology, one of my scholarships got dropped from the engineering department, so it wasn't really a full-ride anymore. I didn't want to lose that, so I switched back to computer science.

This year, I graduated in May with a degree in computer science. I started working right after at a company with great pay and great benefits in a new city.

I love my new apartment, I love the city, I love the new friends, but I cannot stop for the life of me feeling like I made all the wrong choices career-wise.

How? How am I supposed to take this shit seriously? My manager has these advice sessions where he talks about how passionate he is to grow us in our careers and move us up the corporate ladder and how crucial we are to the company… but I could genuinely care less. 

I got hired because of my personal projects. In college, I created a tool for sign-language users, I built a gamified platform for ESL kids to learn English that I voluntarily taught them with, I assisted a company with creating an online accessibility feature for wheelchair users, and I developed an application for refugees to find sponsorship / pen-pal partners.

I fell in love with computer science because it was a tangible way for me to impact people on the masses. I firmly believed developers played a pivotal role in ensuring inclusivity and promoting it through tech. I didn’t mind sacrificing that human connection that I wanted with counseling because this had a "larger scale".

This has all been reduced to automating the processes for a fortune 500 cybersecurity department.

Everytime I'm alone my mind is flooded with regret and internal conflict. I am so scared that down the line I will regret this.

Just a rant but also open to advice, especially from those with more life experience than me…

So I am married to an INFJ woman, we are both in our late 20s. The thing is that I am on the spectrum and am always not very good at picking up on emotions or knowing the 'right' things to say. I dont know how to describe that. In popular terms it is referred to as 'tact'? Or ability to say tbe right things to validate somebody or that it matches situationally. Having worked in sales for many years i have learnt to do it in like professional situations..but when it comes to my personal life where I dont have to put on an act... I get tongue tied. My emotions are very authentic and intense and I find playing a character disgusting at the same time I want to imbibe these things more and learn to inculvate them through practice

I'm having a rough time dealing (internally) with family conflict over being misread and disrespected.

It really has me in a wounded spot today. Logically, I am good, I get it. But because this came from someone I have a deeper relationship with, it's been quite an emotional gut punch. One I don't feel that I deserved. One that is taking longer than expected to recover from.

I can pretty much get over gut punches from 99.9% from other people. They generally roll off my back. Or blow over in no time. This is just one that slipped through to my core. Because of the source, I guess.

Just sucked. If anyone has tips let me know!

Camille Preaker is my favorite fictional depiction of an INFJ. They're always depicted as like noble wise old warriors but I think she was a very realistic take. Someone who is messy and still cares but is still an outcast, and she was into the arts (music).

Hi fellow INFJ folks!

As the title says, this post is specifically geared to those who ended up making it work with INTP. My past 2 relationships are INTP and while my last ex was better than my first, I just felt so mentally and emotionally exhausted explaining why I’m hurt and him not getting it. And my ex was really bad at initiating and planning stuff, which drove me up the wall. So my question is, how did you guys make it work?

By the lakeside I sat, and softly I dreamed,

To dissolve in these ripples, to fade in their gleam.

The rain veiled my tears as they silently fell,

I’ll flow with its rhythm, where waters may swell.

With this rising tide, I’ll wander afar,

And build me a home where no memories are.

Then a whisper within gently brought me awake,

I am human, alas… there are things I can’t escape.

Not sure if it’s just me but I feel super lonely, I’ve found even when I try to connect with likeminded people it doesn’t seem to stick or it turns out to not be a compatible friendship. I guess I’m wondering if any other INFJs experience this?

That although we may share similar mindsets we are can be such different people too .. I guess I’m struggling to find that niche of what I’m looking for. It can feel slightly embarrassing writing even on these pages as it still feels exposing but how else am I to really know?..

Or is it all just part of acceptance that it is fundamentally harder for us to make friendships as adults and that solitude is how we are designed in a way. Let me know your thoughts..

Only curious.

Basically the question, but when I say “stereotypical” I’m meaning from the internet!

I’m an INFJ and I’m confused when reading what I read online about us. I actually wonder if any of us are even that similar?

For eg. I am pretty extroverted and outgoing. Though it tires me, I do enjoy people and going out. I’m chatty and offer my feelings pretty easily in conversation.
I’m arty, love philosophy/psychology and nerdy subjects like science or history.

I am zero witchy and have no interest in horoscopes, crystals or anime. I’m not terribly lonely and I don’t avoid conversations. If anything I seek them out, I just struggle with shallow topics.

How about you?

Edit: Damn, you commentors are out to attack like sharks today lol. Wasn't expecting that from this group. I think there's some nuance(s) to this convo/topic that are getting lost.

Original post: I don't know if this is a new phenomenon but I feel like I keep running into it.

It's like there's this expectation that you should always have plans, a big friend group and/or a packed social calendar. And if you don't somehow it's a red flag.

For me, I just want to find someone I genuinely connect with. Someone who's just as excited to experience life together. Whether that's traveling, exploring somewhere new, being spontaneous, having deep conversations, laughing about stupid shizzz or simply watching paint dry.

A packed social calendar doesn't make me feel fulfilled. Being with someone where it *doesn't actually matter* what we're doing because we truly, genuinely enjoy being around each other, does.

Anyone else feel this way?

honestly im coming here because i don’t feel like anyone i came talk to in my life really understands the weight of my choice,

i grew up in foster care and had to work full time out of high school to pay my own rent, i aged out of the system. i never went to college because i never could decide on a career choice. i regret waiting this long but im 25 now and just finished my first semester of college. i was going for nursing because i want to help people and feel like my work is meaningful but as im going into the classes im worried about burnout and regret. the nurses i go to school with are working 5 16s a week right now and i feel like im seeing the worst of it.

growing up i always wanted to be a biologist and focus on environmental science, as i got older i wanted to specialize in toxicology. this has always been my passion but everyone in my life tells me its a useless degree, that id be wasting my money and time and i wouldn’t be able to find a job. so i went into nursing but i dont think its for me. im glad im in school, even though its late, but i dont know if i should commit to nursing and stick it out or pursue my passion.

im in a very poor red state and i just want to be able to make enough to leave and go somewhere else. im in school here because its cheap, ive lived here my whole life, and i wouldnt have to take out loans to finish.

if money wasnt a factor id go to a northern or coastal state and finish school with a biology degree but that isnt reality. has anyone else dealt with this? like i said i was a foster kid so no family and my friends here are very traditional. very get married at 19 and have 3 kids, dad works on the road and mom stays home type of people. and nothing wrong with that but it just isn’t for me and i can’t talk to them about this.

Hi fellow INFJs,

I don't know if this is something you will relate to, but I feel like recently I crave that thrill that I can get from receiving a message from a friend or buying or getting a new item or having something planned with a loved one.

I'm unsure how to tend to my needs in a healthy way, torn between the thought that I have to accept those cravings and not seek further stimulations and rather seek peace of mind through meditation, being in the present moment etc. Or using that pull to invest in healthy projects and goals like following my creative pursuits, reading a new book, studying a new subject, meeting new people, trying new activities, sorting my possessions etc.

Anyone has experienced this? If so, what is your approach? Also, what do you think creates that craving? (Solitude, restlessness, over or lack of intellectual stimulation)

Thank you!

Hello, I’m an INFJ. I was wondering: how could I (an INFJ) be a better friend to an ISTJ? Actually, she supported me when I was going through a tough time. Before that, I could see she was getting closer to me, but I didn’t like the way she was so critical of everything and so pessimistic… Then we became friends and everything improved. Last year, on her birthday, I realised that I love finding the perfect present for someone. But this time I couldn’t think of anything apart from perhaps a stationery set… So I set myself the goal of getting to know her better. But despite the time we spend together, I feel like she never really opens up. I feel that, after two and a half years, all I know is that she’s a perfectionist, loves my cats and stationery to bits, and draws now and then… And that she has a rather dysfunctional family…

I just feel like I don’t really understand her and that I could do something to be better company or something like that…

Also, I’m often aware – because I’ve got quite a few personal issues of my own that might mean I have to leave in a hurry or something – that I know I might hurt her feelings. And when I apologise or talk to her about it, she acts as if everything’s fine, even though I sense that sometimes she holds it against me but doesn’t dare say so… How is this friendship going? Do you have any advice? Or perhaps there’s an ISTJ here who’d like to share their experience?

I like her a lot. It's just that the social dynamics are so different from those with my other close friend who is an INFP...

You may be intelligent, smart, handsome, and talented, but the outside world often rewards people who constantly promote themselves. As an INFJ, however, we crave authenticity. It is painful to watch inauthentic people receive the applause and appreciation that you deserve. But remember this: a tree may appear to grow slowly from the outside, but beneath the surface, it is strengthening its roots to build a solid foundation.

Heyy. I’m 16 and I've been trying to understand why I feel and think the way I do. Maybe someone can relate to my experience?

I've never really had 'real' friends. As a kid, I was the
"mom friend" who gave gifts and way too much affection, just to get about 10% back. I always felt like I wanted too much from people, and I was never fully satisfied
Now, I live far from my classmates, so I'm isolated.
Th, even if I lived closer, I'd probably still stay home lol, instead of going out.But the loneliness makes me so restless sometimes I want to crawl out of my skin.
I have this constant hunger for intense, deep connection. I want someone to really understand me, but I never get enough of it, and I don't even try to seek it. I don't even know what it is want from others ,really... I also enjoy intellectual conversations, not just small talk or hanging out.
My peers seem so different (and impolite lol). They don't take it this seriously. I never really shared any values or interests with anyone.I feel like I'm from another world😭😭

My empathy is pretty high ..I always want to figure out other people's mental problems, not my own . I absorb emotions really easily. l can sense when someone is upset, and if they won't tell me why, I actually get irritated-I need to know their trauma or what's wrong. But I myself won't open up about my own feelings for months.
You know there's a young teacher at my school who my classmates make fun of .l won't get into details, but he's always fidgety, running around the classroom and stuff ,guess he might have some kind of anxiety thing, or ADHD? I literally want to walk up to him and say I feel sooo bad for him, but i can't
Why is everybody so mean.

Also, as a kid, trying to entertain adults I sensed were upset, is that like..ordinary?
I can be really loud and funny at school...but I get exhausted from it fast. I'm only extroverted with one person at a time. Sometimes I get so skeptical that I ruin relationships by testing people, thinking they secretly hate me, and pulling away before they can get to know me.
What do u guys think abt it?

I’ve always been so curious about this. I’m an INFJ-A (and have been for many years, sometimes ENFJ at certain points in my life) but I’ve never considered myself a selfless person. My friend is also an INFJ and I don’t really see that in her either.
The classic INFJs are characterized as having almost martyr like traits, always looking out for the greater good. I consider myself pretty selfish at times, but caring when it matters. I don’t brood and there are times in my life where I was relentless with others (and myself) and extremely self serving, because it aligned well with my own values.
This is extremely confusing to me and it’s starting to make me question the legitimacy of MBTI.
Why is this a common theme with INFJs?

Went out with an ENFJ last night and an ESTJ this morning. Holy shit. They had the same name but were like night and day.

As an INFJ male, I’ve attracted a lot of different types over the years. MBTI has helped me understand what I truly need and value most in a partner, and that what I want is not necessarily the same as what I need. Like, I have been addicted to hot/cold, ambiguous relationships for a lot of my life. That’s just the kind of love and attachment I grew up with. But it’s so toxic for me. So even though someone like an INFP or ISFP might feel like a soul-level connection their predilection to withdrawing at the first sign of trouble is maddening to say the least. ENFP and ESFP are so fun and really bring me out of my head into the real world. But their warmth and affection is so diffuse; it feels great but it’s rarely directed only at me.

With my Ni and Ti, I love talking about ideas and delving deep. Intelligence is a big draw for me. But even if someone is BRILLIANT, if they lack emotional intelligence, it just exhausts me. It forces me to spend a lot of energy translating the relevance and importance of my feelings and those of others and help them understand what they’re feeling and how it’s impacting them.

In sum, realizing I need someone who can draw me out of my head into the real world (extroverted), enjoys discussing ideas and abstractions just for the sake of it (intuition; thoughts probably the least important one. It doesn’t come naturally for everyone but if they don’t just wave it off as irrational or irrelevant that’s a good sign), emotionally literate (feeling) and who is steady and reliable and has a sense of direction (judging). My best friend in the whole world is ENFJ (I think other friend is ESFJ).

How did u guys met your partner, and how did u know that she is the one. As an INFJ men , its difficult to find someone who actually has depth or accepts your silences , vision etc in typical dating world . Had gone on few dates and hardly found any susbstance in personality . Just few sensation seeking or going with the flow kind of people . And even lot of them feel that we understand them well ,but same is not for us . I always feel like to be pretending to be someone else with them and no one cares who truly i am apart from our empathy and emotional intelligence.