I'm always indecisive during conflict in my relationships. I want to do what's easy, what feels good, what makes me happy. But if it clashes with my idealism, it's hard for me to let go. I was talking to this guy for a few weeks, and it was getting very intimate, we even discussed going on a trip until I found out hes also dating other girls. He didn't hide or lie, it just came out when it did. But I cant help feel betrayed. And he doesnt think hes done anything wrong. Hes an ENTJ btw. And now I'm so conflicted. On one hand I havent felt like this about anyone in a long time. On the other hand I can't comprehend him anymore.

For the past few months I've been working on 16Selves, a free Jungian cognitive functions test. I've posted it here a couple of times before, and a lot of the current version exists because people pushed back on the wording, spotted inconsistencies, or told me their results felt off. So thanks for that. It's given me plenty to rethink.

The thing I've struggled with most is telling someone's natural preferences apart from things they've just learned to do. That's come up in a few different ways, so here's where I've got to.

Preference vs. learned behaviour

If you spend your whole working day organising people, making decisions or managing other people's feelings, you'll probably get good at it. But being good at something because your job demands it doesn't make it your natural way of thinking. It's hard to write questions that pick up the difference.

My attempt at this is adaptive follow-ups. Everyone answers the same 48 statements first, covering all eight functions. The test then picks out your two strongest functions and asks 16 more questions about them and their introverted/extraverted counterparts. These try to find out whether something happens automatically, whether it's been consistent over time, whether it takes conscious effort, or whether it mostly shows up when circumstances require it.

I don't know yet if this actually improves accuracy. I'm also not convinced the line between preference and adaptation is always as clean as we'd like.

Questions that measure the wrong thing

A statement can sound like a perfect example of a function and still not tell you much. Say someone would rather watch a physical activity than join in. That could be about how they process sensory information. Or they might be shy, tired, physically limited, or just not into that particular activity. The same problem crops up with questions about organisation, relationships, decision-making and planning.

I've added optional examples for each statement showing how it might look at work, at home or socially. The idea is to get people thinking across different settings instead of answering based on whatever situation pops into their head first. But examples can backfire too. They might clarify things, or they might nudge people towards a reading I didn't intend. I'd like to hear whether people find them helpful or limiting.

Some statements are just easier to agree with

Each function has six statements. Three are about what you tend to notice, prioritise or respond to, and three are phrased the opposite way. That helps with people's general tendency to agree with things, but only up to a point. If one function's statements sound nicer, more familiar or more socially acceptable than another's, that will still skew the scores.

The test also hasn't been standardised against a reference sample. So there's no real basis yet for saying a high score on one function means the same as a high score on another. That's on my list.

Your top function doesn't automatically decide your type

All eight functions are scored separately. Then the overall pattern is compared against the function stacks for all 16 types. The test doesn't just take your highest function, and it doesn't work out the four letters independently. You get the closest fit within the model.

You can see how the other types compare too. But the percentages show relative fit within the scoring model. They're not the probability that a given type is right.

What to do when the result isn't clear

This is the part I've gone back and forth on most. If two types score almost the same, should the test just pick one? And what if changing a couple of answers flips the result?

Right now it re-scores your answers 200 times, each time randomly moving individual answers by up to one point on the seven-point scale. That shows how often the leading type stays on top. If it keeps changing, or the top two are really close, you get a two-way shortlist instead of a single type. There's also a separate outcome for when several types are basically tied.

A stable result can still be wrong, though. The simulations don't prove accuracy or tell you how likely your type is to be correct. They just show how sensitive the ranking is to small changes in your answers. I'd still rather show that uncertainty than give someone one type without saying how close the alternatives were.

Still plenty to figure out

16Selves hasn't been empirically validated. The adaptive questions, balanced wording, stack comparisons and stability checks are all things I'm trying out, and I don't know yet how much they help. There are still problems with the underlying questions and scoring that I need to look into. That's a big part of why I'm posting.

Two things I'd especially like input on:

- How would you tell someone's natural cognitive preferences apart from behaviours they've picked up through work, upbringing or experience? What would you actually ask?

- How do you write questions about cognitive functions without accidentally measuring unrelated traits or circumstances?

Also, do you find a shortlist of possible types more useful than a single answer, especially when your responses don't clearly separate them?

If you want to try it, just search 16Selves. It's free and you don't need an account. Everything is processed in your browser and your progress is saved on your device. Nothing gets sent unless you choose to submit feedback and results. There's separate cookieless analytics for site usage, but it doesn't collect individual answers or scores.

Whether you tried an earlier version or this is your first time seeing it, I'd love to hear what you think. Specific examples help most: a question that was hard to answer, an example that seemed misleading, or a result that didn't seem to match your answers. Most of the changes so far have come from people taking the time to explain exactly where things went wrong for them.

Idk its just that i have a lot in common with Entps, but im an Enfp(7w6). Idk if yall feel the same abt urselves too. I have other Enfp friends too, i do have things in common w them but i still feel do not feel like one of em, and sometimes they dont even think im an Enfp lol 🥀 I have Entp friends too and i have a lot in common with them but i just know that im not an Entp and i dont feel like one of em either 💔 (Ik im must be yapping bs but pls deal w it 💔)

Would love to be typed by an enthusiast here. Have spent years studying cognitive functions but it's just not that easy to figure out my lead function or my inferior.

The more I read, the more mired I am in this web of personality traits, feel like it's impossible to determine my type.

Open to real time chats if that can help clarify my puzzlement.

Hey everyone,

I've been struggling with something lately, and I'd really appreciate some advice from people who have dealt with similar experiences.

I feel like I'm a very sensitive person, and deep down, I think I have a fear of rejection. I tend to value people's opinions, comments, and approval way more than I probably should. Sometimes, I feel like I have to keep everyone happy and make sure nobody is upset with me. I find it difficult to stand up for myself when someone hurts me, and I hate that I often can't respond firmly or defend myself in the moment.

I know I need to develop healthier boundaries and stop letting other people's opinions determine how I feel about myself. I want to be comfortable with who I am without constantly worrying about whether people like me or approve of me.

For context, there are people at work who make comments about my looks and appearance. It bothers me, especially because I don't want to change myself just to meet other people's expectations. Most of the time, I try to laugh it off and keep things light, but sometimes I end up giving them a taste of their own medicine. That usually doesn't end well, and I don't want to keep getting caught up in these back-and-forth exchanges.

I want to learn how to stand up for myself without being rude, remain respectful without being a people-pleaser, and earn respect without feeling the need to prove myself to everyone.

Another thing I've noticed about myself is that I tend to pretend everything is okay even when it isn't. Everyone knows me as the happy person, so I feel like I have to keep playing that role even when I'm hurting inside. I also notice that I sometimes change my personality depending on who I'm around, almost like a chameleon, because I want to be liked and accepted.

I'm honestly tired of living this way. I want to become more comfortable with myself, learn to value myself, and stop changing who I am just to fit in. I want to be authentic, express my feelings without feeling guilty, and stop being so afraid of rejection.

For those of you who have struggled with people-pleasing, fear of rejection, or constantly seeking validation from others:

• How did you learn to set boundaries without feeling guilty?
• How do you deal with people who make hurtful comments without retaliating or simply suppressing your feelings?
• How do you stop caring so much about what other people think of you?
• How do you learn to be yourself around different people without feeling the need to adjust your personality to fit in?
• How do you stop pretending to be happy all the time and become more comfortable with being vulnerable?

I'd genuinely appreciate any advice, personal experiences, or practical things that have helped you overcome these struggles. I'm not expecting to change overnight, but I want to start making progress and become a more confident, authentic version of myself.

Thanks for reading! ❤️

I'm an ENFP and there are ENTJs I get along with really well and love, but sometimes they're so demanding, capricious, and bossy that I need a break from them for a few days before talking to them again. I feel like they understand me, but there comes a point where they are too much for me, and sometimes I feel guilty because once I had planned to see my ex entj for three days and I couldn't because I got tired. Which MBTI do you experience this with?

I think I have anxious avoidant attachment depending but my whole life my mom would tell me “You dont actually like people because you get bored of them pretty fast” she also says I always put on a mask and people get high positive expectations of me only for them to end up confused once that high energy of mine turns to neutral or low on some days again

I always refused that sentence of her with many arguments because I do get energy from people but I also lose energy from specific people and I do get energy from people if its only a few hours but I try to agoid situations where people want to hangout for more than 4 hours with me because then Im like

“Man then I have no alone time for myself in the evening” and so on and even if I do have alone time I dont do anything productive

I think Im a bad friend because I am known as the friend who always cancels plans last minute.

I hate that part of me because I know days prior that I feel off and want to cancel lets say a friend says lets do ABC. Abc sounds great! But then they add def too which makes the hangout even longer or adds something I dont wanna do.

I immediately feel like not wanting to do it but cant refuse because Im like how am I supposed to explain I dont wanna do def with no logical explanation? How can I be honest without making myself look bad?

but then I self sabotage by canceling plans because thats the worst thing anyone could ever do and its the thing EVERYONE remembers.

Now I am like do I actually like people? Or do I like having control over them? Do I peoppe please too much? Do I like people only at a specific length?

Whenever someone gets attached to me I self sabotage because I dont want them to have high expectations of me. I dont want to keep up these expectations or go even higher so that image of mine stays.

Yes I do go to therapy and my therapist said I shouldnt avoid things for short term satisfaction but I also just fucking struggle with a social life

My whole life I wanted friends because I thougut they make me happier but today I realized:

Do they truly make me happy when Im anxious about social situations the whole time? Do I ruin my view of friendsjip? Is it the avoidant speaking in me?

What do I like more…. Being alone or with people? I think I like being seen without getting attached…? Idk

But id rather ruin my reputation ( what a paradox to my words above) than leave my comfort zone I believe

relationships force me to do things I dont wanna do while when being alone i can avoid doing something without discussion and guilt

Maybe it’s because I’m Japanese, but I use onomatopoeia ALL THE TIME!!!😂

I wonder if part of the reason I’m bad at explaining things is that I explain things using onomatopoeia, then shorten those words even further until they become inside jokes or my own made up words that only certain people understand🤔🤣

For example, this is a little personal, but I call my pantyliners “Chobi More(ちょび漏れ)”. “Chobi” comes from words like “chobichobi(ちょびちょび)” or “choppiri(ちょっぴり)”, which mean a little bit or a small amount, and “more(漏れ)” means leakage😭😂

Or when I’m trying to flatten out a wrinkled piece of paper, I’ll say “Peshipeshi(ペシペシ)” and sometimes even call the wrinkled paper “Peshipeshi.” 😑😅 Like, I’ll literally ask someone to get the “Peshipeshi,” but they have NO IDEA what I’m talking about(well duh!)😭😭 And the worst part is that context matters A LOT, so not every “peshipeshi” means wrinkled paper😂

When I’m teaching someone how to fold origami, I’ll be like, “Do this, like, PETAN! And then hold this side and PETAN!” 🤣🤣 “Petan(ペタン)” is the sound/feeling of something being pressed flat🥹

I talk to myself all the time too. Sometimes people think I’m faking it, but that’s just who I am😭😭 Maybe it’s because I’m pretty animated, but sometimes I feel like I’m a little too much in my own world😅🙃

Does anyone else do this, or is it just me?😂 And If you do this too, what kind of made up words or inside jokes do you have?😌🙌🏻

Curious to see how yall Enfps would respond to this question as fellow Ne-doms. Also by "new", anything that you haven't experienced/tried before the past 24 hours counts!

Hi, fellow ENFPs!

First of all, excuse my painfully short way of expressing :) it's not a lack of effort, I already edited this message at least 5 times by this first phrase only.

Secondly, I'm surely a sceptic when it comes to MBTI.

I (28F) really wanted to express some of my overly positive experience with my ENFP partner (30M). We've been together for less than a year (we currently live together) and the differences between each other are countless, but the major middle ground is putting a lot of effort into understanding each other.

The discussions are peak and very mature - surprisingly, since I didn't even know I lacked this in my life. The emotional connection is dreamly enjoyable, as if he speaks a language I never really heard before.

I am very grateful and I am curious about your experiences (good/bad) with other INFJs - just for the sake of fun and not falling into bias. Feel free to ask me anything as well!

I can pick up on someone’s whole energy and vibe immediately and almost never find myself wrong even if my answer arrives 6 months later! I can tell from a 1 minute conversation if someone is romantically interested in me too

I am bringing in the relevance of being an ENFP as I have a friend who Is also ENFP and that friend can do the exact same thing as me (only I’d say theirs is 70% accurate and mine is 90% lol)

My question is can any other ENFPS just pick up on the vibe checks instantly?

a moment of self-reflection for our own narcissistic tendencies

As an ENTP myself, I have wondered many times if I were an ENFP. I have so many ENFP friends and we get along so well and we see the world in such similar ways that it makes me question my ENTPness but then I am reminded by...well, my obvious Ti. I'm wondering, do you ever get the same insecurities about your type? Do any of you ever think you may be ENTPs? And if not, what types do you grapple with, if any?

Someone please tell me how to survive in corporate as an ENFP.
It's such a weird experience because I'm generally a very confident person. I thrive in groups of people I don't know, can hold a conversation with anyone, and usually have no problem being myself socially but somehow in a corporate environment, ! completely crumble and freeze up. I also just want to be friends with everyone (not a great trait for corporate life), have a genuine fear of letting people down or appearing incompetent and end up overthinking everything to the point that I stress myself out, shut down, and retreat into myself. My confidence plummets to an all-time low.
How do you navigate an environment that somehow makes you feel like the least confident version of yourself when you know you're capable of so much more?? This is horrible.

Crossposted.

Hey everyone, I'm a 5th year PhD (human-computer interaction) and I'm about to hit the job search for faculty positions.

I used to be a full stack software engineer but I hated that I wasn't creating and that I was turning other people's visions into reality. I originally wanted to be a narrative designer but I made the "practical choice" to go into computer science. Maybe one day my wife and I will open a nerd store or start an indie game company, but we need to make money to start our family and we'd need more money to start independent ventures.

I'm hoping running a research lab will help me feel more fulfilled as I mentor students and oversee ethical research in a growing field.

As we're about to make a life change, I'm curious about what everyone else does!

I mentioned to my best sensor friend I was feeling down because of something and he didn’t really respond (relationship problems).

Couple of weeks later he asked me how it’s going and I said pretty rubbish, thinking he’d remember but instead asked why.

I jokingly said the weather, it’s so grey! Thinking he’d at least probe and be like nah come on dude what’s up but no, he bought it. “Yeah, it’s grim this time of year.”

I mean…lmao? Sigh. :(

i find that if we have similar morals it's easy as pie, but if we even have one thing we disagree on, it's not a discussion and more of a "who can be more righteous" contest, which puts me on edge. i love many infps and isfps but sometimes communication can be hard. any enfps relate or is that just me?? i've been thinking maybe im entp but not sure either way

I really like and prefer ENFP x ISTJ ships over ENFP x INTJ (the relationships can be so heavy in media and irl too...) and since we can't post pics and gifs in the comments, I had to go and do all that here, enjoy I guess!

I'll also add another Pic where I take a closer look at 3 ENFP x ISTJ couples because I noticed how similar all three act when compared to one another.

Agenda spread successful ✨️✨️✨️

There's so much talk about INTJ being perfect for ENFP and maybe there are a lot of successes irl with that pairing but I've realized this sort of thinking can limit us. Back when I was getting more curious about MBTI, I thought it would be slightly more efficient, less of a hassle, to pinpoint men that were certain personality types that were stereotyped to have the traits I like.

Wrong 🤓. 1. MBTI doesn't account much for attachment style, communication styles, or maturity levels. 2. People can still be individuals, not all people with the same type act the same 3. People can be mistyped.

Granted, yes I still think there can be a chance of generally knowing who you click with and who you don't. For me though, the pattern isn't that consistent. I've interacted with probably more proclaimed INTJ than any other type, some I think are actually mistyped ISTJ because when they retest that's what they are. I don't think I distinctly have more chemistry with them whether friendship based or romantic.

Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy are a super popular couple with that cinematic quiet brooding man and opinionated sweet woman combo. But I also think it makes sense because Elizabeth is not the typical 🌈 ✨️ ENFP ✨️ people come here looking for.

With these other pairings they're not all INTJ man x ENFP woman. Someone can balance us that isn't INTJ. As much as it pains me 😔 💔, some of them are even typed as sensors.

It's also just sort of...odd? It seems like people (often proclaimed INTJ) are sometimes coming here looking for an ENFP Tamagotchi to entertain them and brighten up their world. If I'm going to be a Tamagotchi, at least give me food and stuff.

I have felt in adulthood that it is really easy for me to open up and be friendly/emotionally open with pretty much anyone I meet and can easily socialize and relate to people. Recently in therapy I have come to the realization that a friendship I had in my teen years was really toxic and they pretty much bullied me our entire friendship. A couple years ago I went to their wedding and met their now close friends and I immediately noticed that it was hard to open up to them and play along with their shenanigans, I felt like a terrible friend because I didn’t feel like I was acting like myself. I told my husband about this (who also met all of these people) and he basically told me “well I thought they were all really mean people and generally just mean and rude to each other” they called each other names and would just shit talk people the whole time, only wanted to get blackout drunk, etc. I realized I also act this was toward a couple of family members I have who are particularly controlling and in the past have said some mean comments to me. No matter how hard I try to be myself it’s like my subconscious shuts me down. Is this an ENFP thing or just a person thing?