Friday will be one month since my mom called me from the hospital morgue. I was heading out the door for work, my phone rang, and my mom explained what happened. My 44 year old sister had felt sick the past couple days, came into my parents' bedroom early in the morning complaining of dizziness, and asked them to call 911. My parents left the room for a couple minutes, and when they came back, my sister was unconscious. My dad did CPR until EMS got there, and they and the doctors at the hospital tried everything they could, but she was gone.

The belief is that she died of a pulmonary embolism, although my parents didn't have the autopsy results when I was home for the memorial service a couple of weeks ago. I've been delaying asking for confirmation on what the cause was.

But what I do know is that my sister was trying to detox at home without medical supervision. She's been an alcoholic since her first sip of beer in high school. At every point in her adult life, alcohol was the biggest hurdle preventing her from being healthy and happy. She was living at home, despite my parents having kicked her out a year prior. She had lived in one friend's basement until his son found her passed out in her own urine one morning. She lived with another friend from rehab until he found her alcohol stash and relapsed himself. She was sleeping in her car for a few weeks, and when she asked my mom if she could come in and do some laundry, my mom saw the state she was in and let her sleep on the couch, which eventually turned into her living there full-time again.

My sister was very good at hiding her drinking from my parents. They paid for her to medical detox at least a dozen times, sent her to rehab even more than that, but my sister always went back to alcohol as soon as she could.

The week she died, my dad caught her sneaking alcohol into the house. She liked tequila nippers because she could buy a 12 pack of them, hide them, and for some reason my parents couldn't smell it on her (possibly also due to the fact that she was a heavy smoker and stopped showering regularly these last couple years, so the cigarettes and body odor masked the tequila). My dad asked her "Did you want to get caught?" and she answered "Yeah, I think so". Then she tried to stop cold turkey, and a few days later she was dead.

My sister was the one who introduced me to alcohol back in high school. When she graduated, skipped college to become a bartender, and moved out of the house, I loved going to her place on the weekends to get drunk. I partied with her friends, who always marveled at the fact that she could drink anyone under the table.

I stopped having fun drinking with her when I was in college, and she got into a car wreck while drunk enough that she shouldn't have even been conscious. They used the jaws of life to pry her out of her vehicle and she needed to have her spleen removed. I thought that would be her rock bottom, but it wasn't. She got sober until she was done with the legal fallout from her DUI, then started 'moderating' again.

There was a four year period where she was sober and it felt like I got my big sister back. She got a certification, started working full-time in an office, and even got married. Then she went back to drinking, and lost all of that.

I had to pretty much cut her off the last couple years. I've dealt with my own problems with alcohol, but never to that extent. When I stopped drinking last August, I simply put the beer down one day and said "Enough". No detox, rehab, meetings, etc, and no noticeable withdrawal symptoms. I used to consider my sister a barometer for my own alcoholism, thinking that as long as I wasn't as bad as her, I was ok. It wasn't until my recent run of sobriety that I realized that this was the wrong way to look at it, and that everyone's journey with alcohol is different.

I'm feeling a lot of guilt for these last few months. I didn't answer her texts, because she was usually drunk when she sent them, and some of what she said scared me. She kept asking me to come home to visit, but the truth was that I didn't want to - and she was the sole reason. I resented her because I felt like she expected my parents to take care of her and clean up her messes until they died, rather than allow them to enjoy their retirement. And every time I wanted to call one of my parents and tell them I was struggling, with alcohol, anxiety, depression, money, I held off. I felt like she was enough of a burden on them, and they didn't need another adult child to worry about.

I didn't even tell her I stopped drinking. I didn't want her to feel like we were sober buddies, or I could be her support system. I just wanted her to give enough of a shit about her life to get it together. I was waiting for a day that never came.

I've had a couple points in the last year where I wanted to start drinking again, most recently two months ago around my birthday. I felt like my life hadn't moved forward in any positive way since I quit alcohol, and missed having fun with friends on the weekends. I'm a very boring person without alcohol, and often miss the rush I would get to write, create art, or do something interesting when I was a few beers deep. Now, I just feel blah most of the time.

But despite this, I've stayed away from alcohol. As much as I've wanted to buy some beer to help quiet the pain I'm feeling from my sister's passing, I know that it'll only delay me from processing this grief - and the grief is heavy. Since my sister's passing, I feel more steadfast in my decision to remain alcohol free for the rest of my life. I'm close to cutting out weed as well - I haven't smoked any in two days, and in the past week, have smoked less in that time than I usually would in a single day.

I'm not good at finding stopping points, so I'll stop here. I just despise alcohol for what it took from my sister, from me, from my family, and from so many of the people on this sub and out in the world. I'm grateful that I haven't gone back to drinking, and hope I never do, although I know I'm always one bad decision away from restarting that cycle. I miss my sister so much it hurts, but I'm not ready to join her yet.

IWNDWYT

I'm 44 days sober. This is a massive achievement for me as I'm 61 and have been drinking since my 20's. That's a long time to use a substance every time I feel or experience anything. I'm definitely feeling better but flat and fatigued and my motivation has left the building. I'm normally full of energy working 12 hour shifts, art classes, gallery visits doing yoga, weights and lots of walking with my dog plus drinking too much wine. Long story but since February my life hit a wall and I'm trying to piece it back together.

I've read a lot of posts here and reassured that I'm not alone In my feelings.

I'm starting my course of radiotherapy tomorrow.. I'm single and have dealt with my cancer treatment alone. Of course people ask how I am but they don't really want to know that I'm scared and feel like crap. I just need to keep reminding myself that by quitting alcohol I'm making one of the healthiest actions that I can right now. IWNDWYT 💞

I'm proud to be 3 years alcohol-free today. I've saved somewhere around $15k, so I bought myself a new guitar to celebrate the time I've spent and the money I haven't! I'm happy to be a part of this community which has carried me forward even during the times all I wanted was a drink. Here's to one more sober day. IWNDWYT!

Hi all! You don’t remember me, but I remember you.

Almost two years ago I joined this community and I pulled A WHOLE YEAR SOBER with your support!! (I like to say that, but I did drink -and blackout- once during that time). I lost insane weight, was looking young and fantastic and training like a crazy person, studying, reading, writing, painting.

Until I wasn’t.

One day I picked it up again for fun, during a trip. You guys had supported me trough a trip before, and it was an amazing experience, which I clearly did not learn from. Not this time. I actually think i may have posted here once, and I remember making a list on my phone of why I should stay sober. I didn’t, and eventually, dropped all efforts, and went back to being the drunk piece of sh*t I seem to love so much.

I don’t even know where to start with the monster Inturn myself into. I can be fun, and passionate and interesting while drunk, who can’t? But then I also turn agressive, violent, hurtful, anxious, depressed, sensitive, defensive. My body hurts every day. I am always tired. It’s been a year and it seems to be getting worse.

I have had horrible fights with my partner. I have done the stupidest things. I have embarrassed myself.

Last night I drank half a bottle of vodka (wohoo, working today with hangover and dread!!) pretty much on my own, and surprisingly, nothing happened. I was SO relieved when I woke up and no damage was done except for probably losing liver function and being embarrassed of my partner seeing me how disgusting I was. I am SO tired. I am SO tired of the pain and the not recollecting what I say and SO TIRED of apologizing for the beast that lives inside me. But not anymore. I can’t anymore.

I booked an appointment with a doctor and I will have him give me Naltrexone, and I will not drink today, and I will not drink tomorrow until my appointment, and hopefully that will make it better. I did not take pills last time, but I want some help until I’m back on my feet because I can’t trust myself right now. I will come back here everyday and I will i’ll read you guys. I will go back to my diary.

I really hope to God this time is the last time I feel how I feel.

1,289 days ago I got drunk for the last time. In those days, my life has changed in ways I never could have come close to predicting. Yeah there’s the obvious, health, sleep, etc., but there’s the things that stem from all of that, which isn’t so obvious. I always thought I was a pretty high performer when I was drinking. Now I see that I was a total under performer compared to how highly I function sober now.

If you’re on the fence, do it. You’ll never regret it.

Always happy to chat if helpful.

I found it useful at first but the focus on the past and BEING an alcohol rather than focusing on BEING sober kind of put me off? I’d mention what was helping me stay sober and they’d be but remember YOU ARE an alcoholic. Just wondering if anyone else found it a bit morbid and fatalistic.

I never would have thought I would have made it this far on day 1. In about two months I’ll be a year alcohol free. I am so beyond proud of myself. My life has changed so much this past year, and I can finally stand my reflection. It gets better y’all, it really does.

IWNDWYT ❤️‍🩹

Seven years to the day since my mum sadly passed away from alcohol-related liver disease, I am proud to say that I am working my hardest to break the cycle. 25th October 2025 was the last time that I drank alcohol, and I intend to keep it that way!

Wow, I would have never imagined I would have made it this far. Before, going two days was huge for me, but 60 wow, by the grace of God. I was drinking liquor everyday

Also excited because I hear by day 60, this is the first major milestone and the results get dramatically better from here on out!!

IWDWYTD!

Decided to stop a week ago after drinking heavily again ( I was 45 days sober ) So when I started I started with 10 beers then 300mg vodka up to 800 plus vodka. Decided I would stop slowly by going to 600 - 400 - 300-200, but holy fuck already at 300 I started having visuals such as the most terrible vivid dreams, loud music like crazy it was some weird folkore shit and weird pyramids everywhere. It was scary but I knew I am having a withdrawal. So I had 4 sleepless night before going to the ER and they gave some diazepam injection in my ass. The weird thing is that I was feeling a bit like on MDMA when It was the last day, can't describe it, even my pulpils were super dialed. Anyway went home and slept like a baby. Today I woke up and I am feeling good. Third day, no tremor and no need for alcohol.

Guys I’m feeling sad but I’m choosing to experience the sad rather than run away from it

Who else is with me?

IWNDWYT!!!

Feeling pretty good today, looking forward to day 4 - thank you all for your support and kind words

Me and my boyfriend have both been sober for about 4 months. I know it’s not long but we both made this commitment. He had to quit for health reasons (he was on the road to pancreatitis) I had to quit for mental health reasons. I’m pretty upset. My boyfriend came home last night and I smelled alcohol on his breath. I called him out and he told me he only had a sip of a drink… I know he lied. There’s no way alcohol can stay on your breath from one sip. So I kind of snapped and went for an hour walk because I needed some space. I guess I just don’t know how to approach this conversation. Is he lying to me about more stuff? Can I trust him? I’m overthinking everything. I want to have a future with him, but I want him to take care of his health. And drinking is not an option. I know he is his own person but I’m aggravated and need to vent.

My relationship with alcohol: it’s brought me to the hospital twice. In patient and out patient detox. In 2020 I started drinking hard, and non stop. I was drunk probably every minute of the day for 4 years straight. Somehow I made it through college. And got a dream job. Fast forward to now. My wife does not tolerate drinking. Especially as she has seen my drinking habits the past 2 years. Finding hidden drinks, and the irritated and angry person I become when I’ve had too many. I’ve promised to abstain completely from alcohol. Very rarely on social occasions she is ok with it.

But she doesn’t know the truth. I drink when she works late nights. I hide the empties. I want to be done with drinking. But the opportunity presents itself to me to get away with it, and the alcoholic brain takes control. My drinking has reduced very significantly since we’ve been together. I have no withdrawals or health concerns with quitting. But the damage to my body worries me. It robs me of my ability to enjoy everyday things. I drink maybe 3 nights a week. Binge drinking heavy. Feel like crap the days I don’t but still manage day to day.

I want to say goodbye to it forever, and maybe this post is more of a vent to lay out my thoughts.

But, how did you say goodbye to alcohol for good? Did you write a letter? Did you bury your last bottle? What was your final mental break?

Also much appreciated, how did you fight it when the opportunity presented itself to drink? When you know you can get away with it but you fought it. My biggest mental hurdle is boredom. I’m home alone. Nothing sounds enjoyable. There’s nothing I want to do, but I need to keep my mind occupied. I have a million things I could do. I make good money, have a house, a project car in the garage, a nice computer to game, pets, and little projects I could do. Yet my brain says nah, those are boring, just drink your night away.

I want to be done with it forever and get my mental and physical health where it should be.

I genuinely don’t know which one is worse.

Sometimes hating myself is easier than facing the truth that what I’m going through isn’t my fault and I have no control over it.

But I’m doing my best.

I am a 29M, and I need to stop drinking for good.
It’s truly one of the worst things that has happened in my life. I don’t drink often, but my problem is that when I do, I go on absolute benders. This leads to anxiety that has left me in the hospital on multiple occasions with panic attacks and the feeling that I’m dying.

People think I’m cracked out on drugs, but I’m not. The anxiety and panic after a bender just destroy me.

What’s making me quit is what happened last weekend. I went to Paris to watch an NFL football game and met up with friends who are my party friends. We drank 10 to 12 beers every day from Friday to Monday, and I don’t remember anything from two of the nights we were there.

I was in an Uber on my way to the airport Monday morning when the panic attack started. I had to go back to the Airbnb and book a flight for that evening back to Milan, where I live. I went back and slept for a few more hours until I had to check out. When I left, I had seven hours to spare and nowhere to go.
That’s when the panic attacks started coming back as I wandered around the streets of Paris. At one point, I had to ask someone to call an ambulance because I thought my heart was going to stop and my whole body was tingling. I eventually calmed down enough to keep going without calling one. I focused on my breathing, made it to a supermarket, and bought two coconut waters and some aspirin. After that, I felt good enough to head to the airport.
I thought I was in the clear as I made my way to the airport on the subway. It wasn’t until we were boarding the flight that the panic and anxiety started coming back. The thought of having a panic attack on an airplane, like I’ve experienced in the past and earlier that day, made my heart race and the panic intensify. I managed to get on the plane and make it through the flight by focusing on slowing my breathing.

It’s been 24 hours since I got back home to Milan, and I still feel terrible. It’s been 48 hours since my last drink, and the fact that I still feel this bad has really put things into perspective. I can’t keep doing this to myself.

My wife is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and without her, I would probably be dead. I want to be the best husband I can be, and I know I can’t keep putting myself through this. I don’t even enjoy drinking anymore. I only do it when I’m with friends, which is rare because the only friend I have in Italy is my wife.

I think part of the problem is that I’ve convinced myself that because I don’t drink every day, I don’t have a serious problem. But it doesn’t matter how often I drink when the consequences are this bad. I can go weeks without drinking, but one weekend like this can leave me physically and mentally wrecked for days. The blackouts, the anxiety, the panic attacks, and the fear of what I might have done or said while I wasn’t in control are no longer worth it.
I’m writing this to hold myself accountable and remind myself of the hell a weekend like this puts my body and mind through. I don’t want to keep sacrificing my health, happiness, and peace of mind for a few nights of drinking. Being healthy, emotionally stable, and in control of my anxiety are so much more important than putting myself through this again.

I want to be a better husband, brother, son, friend, and person. I want to be someone my future kids can look up to. I want to enjoy life, travel, build a family, and wake up feeling good about myself without constantly worrying about when the next wave of anxiety is going to hit.

I know this decision might change some of my friendships. Some people might not understand it, and I might miss out on certain nights or weekends. But if a friendship depends on me drinking, then it’s something I need to reconsider. I can still have a social life without alcohol, and I need to learn how to do that.

This is probably the most important change I need to make before I turn 30 and start a family of my own. I’m tired of making the same mistake and dealing with the same consequences. I don’t want this to be another promise I make to myself that I eventually break.

I’m done. I’m choosing my health, my wife, my future family, and myself.

Goodbye, drinking. You won’t be missed.

I’m already so glad I quit drinking, but holy moly am I emotional. I’ve been drinking every single day for 18 months. Like ALOT. I also kept telling myself I wasn’t an alcoholic 😒🙄. im too ashamed to admit how many I have every day. I’m extra dumb because I have epilepsy. I know it’s going to take a while for my system to reset but I’m so sad. I have been afraid to quit. I like who I am when I’m drinking, and that’s part of the problem. I’ve been told repeatedly I’m so much more fun when I drink. I don’t get blackout drunk. I’m very functional (I do not drive when I am drinking). I don’t leave my house unless I have to. I’m scared of who I am under the alcohol. I’m scared of what I’ll find and how bad my anxiety and depression really are. I know this was kind of all over the place but I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading :)

Sleep is getting a bit better and it’s nice to have the withdrawal shakes subside.

I’m not really sure why I’m posting, but I don’t really have anyone to explain this to.

I went 7.5 years sober. Through that time I lost my Nan and my dog in that time, and on neither occasion did I even contemplate reaching for a drink. If anything, I was grateful I was sober.

Then 7 months ago, me and my family moved 4 hours away to be closer to my family who all had moved to the area.

Before the move I’d started thinking of drinking again, so I could at least come back to my home area to socialise with my best mate (how stupid is that after that much time!?). Ironically we don’t see each other much these days as family and work life can take up a lot time. But the relationship we had previously was heavily focussed on being at the pub. He has always been there on the end of the phone even though we don’t meet up often. Sadly I think it’s because I avoided doing so otherwise it would be obvious I wasn’t drinking anymore, like I was almost embarrassed.

We met up a couple of times beforehand, and he helped us move. I’d always kept my sobriety relatively private, as if it was more casual like I could occasionally drink than a big deal. Which wasn’t true and I’d hide it with an excuse like I’m driving, or up early the next day when we did meet up. It was more through fear that the friendship would somehow be worth less, now it wasn’t filled with the drinking side.

Anyway, within 2 weeks of relocating I found myself drinking for the first time. Almost so I could have a reason to have a reason to go back home and maintain that old social aspect of my life with my friend. It’s been 6.5 months since that first drink and I’m now back to drinking regularly. The heart palpitations and anxiety is awful and I feel so ashamed that I’ve let this get the better of me.
I’m not even sure if any of this even makes sense, and to be honest I’m trying to make sense of it all myself even now.

I guess what I’m trying to say, along with getting it off my chest somewhere, is please don’t ever get complacent. Treasure that time you’ve achieved. I was 100% convinced I’d beaten the addiction, yet it found its way back in at a time that didn’t even seem like a vulnerable point until now when I look back at it.

Day 1 completed again.

Its been 9 months now after 37 years of drinking. My identity was based on drinking pretty much. Now that im sober I am in a different life it seems. Everything is great. No anxiety, no constant feeling of expecting the next bad thing to happen and feeling like I can't be happy because its just a matter of time before its ripped out from under me. Everything is more enjoyable. But with this more positive way of thinking I am still afraid that it will become the norm and it will not be as great feeling. Like a new toy that gets boring after awhile. Is this a common thought with us? Does anyone else ever feel this way?

I’m a binge drinker and started this journey after a horrible fight I had with my wife while I was drunk. There’s been too many of those. I cringe thinking about them.

But today I feel proud. 100 days that I didn’t wake up with a huge pit in my stomach, embarrassed, and full of regret.

I think I need to stop with counting days though and try to shift from being someone who is trying not to drink to someone who doesn’t drink. Has anyone else felt that way?

Welp! I made it. One month without a drink. It's wild. I had this whole post written out in my head yesterday. Then today happened. So I'm again, just shouting into the void.

The GOOD - I'm down 20lbs, my bloodwork came back significantly better, I'm sleeping through the night (even if it is only for 4 hours), my routine has improved, my skin and scalp look great, I'm cooking and baking almost everyday and seriously the money I'm saving is ridiculous.

The MEH - I still crave alcohol. Whenever I'm watching horror movies or jamming/singing, I just think about how much I revolved these activities around being drunk and enjoying them more. I'm dealing with my depression, bipolar disorder and anxiety as best I can. I'm on a stupid long waitlist to get with a psychiatrist and a therapist. So right now, I'm just simply trying.

The STRUGGLE - I've realized I have AWFUL coping skills. I had a great day, super productive, taking care of my physical health, didn't hermit. Then I accidentally hit the side of my car on a pole in a parking garage and I seriously lost my shit. I was angry, mad, sad, pissed. I felt like a complete idiot. I just wanted to get a bottle and say fuck it. But, I didn't.

Today's celebration wasn't exactly what I was expecting, but I guess this is just what we call life.

Thanks to anyone who read this. IWNDWYT 🫂 💗

Hey guys, I just recently stopped drinking. Can anyone relate to phantom hangovers. I guess I’m so used to being hungover that I have to trick my brain into realizing I didn’t drink the night before. Can anyone relate to this?