Why do people self harm?

I am in an abusive household where everything is seen as transactional. Nothing that I own is truly mine, not my clothes, not my underwear, not my period pads, not even my gifts. They all “belong” to my mother, because she says she paid for them with time, effort and money.

She says the same extent about my body. She was disgusted when she found out I was harming myself and tried to claim that it harmed her more than me because “she gave birth to me, and I’ll never understand that unless I become a parent.” She claims it is disrespectful to the sacrifices and hardships she had to go through to give birth to me, as my self-harm is a destruction of it all.

She dares claim that my body belongs to her. She was appalled and horrified when I mentioned wanting to medically transition because I’m “destroying the body” and argued that doing that is worse than me cutting myself and leaving permanent scars on my body.

She’s the kind of person who uses blood as a way to connect family. Even if I forsake her or go no contact, I will always be her “daughter” because my blood comes from her.

I view self-harm as a way for me to claim my own body for myself. Even if it hurts, even if the marks I leave on my body are ugly and disgusting, at least it’s proof that my body is mine and nobody else’s. Seeing blood when I cut is both cathartic and a cruel reminder to me: it’s like seeing all proof of my mother’s blood leaving me and that thought fills me with joy but at the same time I hate it because I can never truly distance myself from her, as there would always be her blood within me.

She recently took away the only other safe haven I had, my journal, by reading it behind my back and taunting me with my private thoughts. Not even my own writing is mine anymore. I feel like self-harm is the only thing I have left that belongs to me and I can’t even do that anymore unless I want her to kick me out when she’ll inevitably do another strip check.

Everytime i look at my scars or cuts, i just think theyre not deep or bad enough. But when other people see Them, they wince and say i ruined my skin and whatnot

I have a recent cut healing, and it's been going well but it's not dounzheoring to a point where it's full skin. Tomorrow I have to go to a doctor who will be able to see the scars. Includinh that cut I have fairly noticeable scars.

My other doctor never gave a damn about my previous visible scars, but this is a different doctor I've never seen before, and including that I have a fresh cut healing that might be a challenging visit. My dad might also be there. So that's not something I'm happy about. I use a plaster but exploring a plaster would be challenging as of it's an area that basically has never seen any real damage,mostly superficial

its so hard its really hard, i cant help but feel useless, i dont wanna tell anybody about it because everyone is going through a tough time too, i feel like nobody will listen anyway

my troubles arent deep and its all caused by me so its natural that it should be me solving it all

i dont like looking weak so when i am weak i disappear, i mask everything i feel, i try to look great and i try to speak normal

i feel like im way too old to be doing this, ive become an academic failure too, everyone is going to college i want to go too.. i want to go.. if only i didnt fail how could i always fail this bad

ive become so pathetic that im sounding my voice on the internet, crazy just crazy never in a million years i thought id be here
maybe because the internet isnt real, no one knows me on the internet and i feel great

i wish i could stop this
maybe i wish i could be braver and severe it

if i told someone im cutting would they call me a poser? would they understand? they would think im pathetic, shouldve smoke it away or drink it away

I got many advice saying 'let you emotion out' 'hold it in make it worse' when I asked them how to hold it. It's true but I hate to have anyone saw me getting mad or upset.

Parents and everyone around me always want me to be a good kid who is cheerful and kind no matter what. I tried to be but failed so many time. I got lots of problem, my health and study not going well at all. It not big deals but it definitely drag my life to the worst, to the point that I come back to cut myself again. It goes deeper every time.

I failed to meet people's expectation and myself. At least I want to hold all disappointment and this feeling in. Sometimes, I feel forlorn or furious. I would hate to cry in front of anyone or got mad at anyone for anything. I always hate the stress or uncomfortable feeling I felt at the moment, I never got the solution but sh help me a lot except right now. It barely help compare to before.

It's getting harder about whatever it is. I tried a lot of things but it didn't get better. It hurts every time I take a shower as it reminds me what I have done.

I can't afford therapist and the cheapest I can find didn't help me much but I think it's just therapist's style of talking. Also, I'm tired of asking my parents, asking them just add more problems.

Does anyone do sh when you feel too much and want to hold it in too? If you are then what helps you stop cutting or make you feel better?

Any advice are appreciate, I might not answer every comments but I definitely read every single one.

Thank you for reading this.

I hit myself with a belt buckle a handful of times and I have a pretty big spot on my calf. It’s really hot, so I can pretty much only wear shorts. It is known amongst my peers that I live with my parents, and I’m 18 and physically larger and stronger than both of them. Would people think my parents are abusing me? As much as I hate them for being manipulative, I don’t feel that they deserve a false DV arrest. I could wear a calf sleeve when I go out. How should I proceed?

For years I struggled with SH but for the past 3 years (until 3 weeks ago) I was clean. I've never made myself bleed before, no matter what I did I could never bleed. Somehow I still have past scars though. But now, when I did it I managed to make myself bleed and I can't help but want to do more. Is that normal?

Anonymously posting here since I have nowhere else to do so, I (M) and my now ex (F) just broke up. To sum it up, I fucked up almost everything. I got manipulative at certain points and I constantly hurt her (emotionally, not physically, though I did forcefully hug her a few times). I know I could have done so much better. I really thought she was the one, as you do in relationships, but she was my best friend before partner, too. I let myself be controlling, and every time I try a relationship, I always fucking hurt my partners. I've taken breaks from dating before, multiple months at a time, in order to fix myself. But I just can't. So, after a year and about two weeks, today, I was in the shower, and I grabbed my razor and thought for a while about how maybe there wouldn't be that much blood if I just tested the waters. That it didn't matter if I did it. I had already lost someone so dear to me and it was entirely my fault, so why would it matter if I lost a year and some change? And after a bit of time, I just cut. And cut again, and again, and after a while of cutting, I thought,"Why am I continuing to do this? What the fuck is wrong with me?" And then I kept going even after that. I don't even feel that much pain in my thighs. It hurt the most when the water hit it. I barely feel bad for doing it. It was just another way to take my mind off of something that painful. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I ever fix myself, even after working at it for months? Why do I always fall back into a cycle of manipulating a person after I fall in love? I cared about her more than anybody else and I got way too fucking possessive after getting into the relationship. I would have been completely fine if we never dated, because at least then I could care for her still. I lost her completely. She doesn't even want to talk to me anymore, which honestly is deserved. I try to learn my lessons and I always fuck things up, I seriously can't take this shit anymore. I'm almost ready to give up relationships entirely. I'm probably taking a few months of a break from relationships again. I'll try to talk to her next month just to see if I can at least mend a friendship back together, since I still want to care for her. But at this point, I doubt it will happen. What the fuck do I even do?

just like the title says, 17 and I've started cutting at my thighs due to stress from hs and i dont know if i should tell her

It’s hard to not do it when I am the tool I use to harm myself. I have been doing it a lot more lately, and I really don’t want to. I’m also worried it will escalate if I continue.

This is just going to be a bit of a rant and in a way, a storytime

I have been severely relapsing on self harm the last few weeks, i have become totally dependant on it to function, i study law, actually on one of the more prestigious universities in my coutry, my life since i started uni ad moved away from my house is pretty much consists of going from episode to episode, being geniuenly delirious from mental turmoil and blood loss. im probably suffering from borderline personality disorder and it makes me emotionally dependant on my friend, no matter what i do, if she feels bad, i feel horrible, im severely depressed, i cannot get out of bed most days, i sleep for upwards of 16 hours a day. i feel that im deteriorating, i dont remember what i did yesterday, i dont remember what day it is some days, i confuse where i am sometimes, i dont know. im rich, i can buy almost anything i wish, i could get therapy tommorow, but i just dont want to,i funded therapy for my friend, i furnishec a part of er room and still i feel like a horrible person, i feel like i dont have any self worth, i always come back to self harm just to keep myself together some days and my relapses are getting worse and wwarse and worse. i almost had to go to an er and i dont think i can keep myself out of a psych ward in the near future. i lived through too much i saw too much i felt too mucg i dont know what to do i dont kknow how to live

im sorry if this post is barely readvke ut i think i may be delirious sorry

I cut to fat yesterday. Well I feel better. I got butterfly bandages closed it and I'm feeling my mood has slightly improved. I shouldn't have cut but sometimes it's only release that helps

i feel like a jerk for this but what does it mean if im doing self harm for attention… i know it seems like i’m an attention seeker but i just need help mentally i am not okay and i just want someone to notice me and help me get through this and it seems like the only way for somebody to notice is if i do self harm which i do feel like an asshole doing it for attention but i just need help

i don’t know what to do if i don’t want to stop cutting. i wish someone would notice

Im going through the hardest week of my life right now. My stalker of 2 years somehow has gotten information on me and has been swatting and doxxing me and my family these past couple days and its causing me to feel so anxious. Ive been clean from self harm for about 7 months now and everything in my head is screaming to relapse and let the build up go through cutting. Im driving myself crazy and the death threats and defamatory messages ive been getting makes me want to go back to hurting myself So unbearably bad .

So I am a professional dancer and I have recently picked back up my bad habit of self harm. I stick to my hips because they are easily concealed and occasionally thighs. But my literal work dress code is a leotard and tights. I’ve been wearing shorts to make sure they are completely covered and never cut anywhere that is visible. It’s also worth mentioning that I can never go “deep enough” on my hips. I want to start using my stomach but I’m a little scared as to how that will heal. Anyways, I guess this was just a vent post… I hope everyone here finds peace without sh

Been years (prob 3 idk I don’t keep track). Relapsed last Wednesday and again tonight. My life is so different now than from when I used to do it consistently (haven’t been consistent since middle/high school) and tbh I could just use someone to talk to there’s so much going through my head idk.

i hit a month clean today for the first time in a long time. i’m proud of myself for making it this far but i want to relapse so bad. today has been rough and something about hitting a milestone is triggering me. i’ve been thinking about relapsing all day. i’m trying so hard to keep myself busy and try and not think about it.

I have been struggling with self-harm for the past ten years. Recently, I have been engaging in the act more than ever before. I have recently retired the blade and started burning. For some reason, it hooked me right away. I have been doing it every day for the past week, and I feel out of control. I don’t understand what makes this method different than the other. I understand burning is dangerous, but I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know if my increased marijuana usage is the reason, or if not taking my antidepressants is. Either way: I’m scared about this escalating.

I'm not sure if there is a better page to put this so if anyone knows please feel free to let me know.

I had been clean since around February and been doing pretty well until a few nights ago. This relapse was a little different than others and I almost didn't even do it. It's been pretty frustrating seeing how close I was to staying clean and couldn't figure out why this felt so different.

I happened to come across a video talking about the full moon that just occurred the other night and the significance of it since it was a Full Moon in Taurus, which we haven't had in a while and I myself am a Taurus. This full moon occurred the same night I relapsed.

I've been trying to research the significance of bleeding under a full moon trying to figure out if my spiritual subconscious was aware of something I wasn't aware of on the forefront, but everything that comes up is about menstrual cycle syncing with the full moon, not blood letting.

I'm just wondering if anyone might know where I can find some answers for this. I know it's kinda giving WitchTok so maybe there's a page someone knows of I can seek advice from, I'm just hesitant to post something like this given the subject matter.

Any help is greatly appreciated!

Recently some stuff happened and I relapsed, hard. And I'm scared of what I might do next to myself. I'm scared of the lack of control I have over myself. I know there's therapy to help with this stuff, but I don't think it will work. It's only a matter of time before the need comes again and I don't know what I'll do in the moment and I'm so scared of myself because of that

Sorry if this is entirely the wrong flair or wrong place for this

So, I’ll try to keep it short (while adding necessary info of course):

I’ve been cutting for 3-4 years now and I do it primarily on my left hand/arm along a few inches of my forearm on the dorsal/posterior side, always only about epidermis-dermis thick, no deeper

At some point a while ago I had come to the realisation that the area I’d been cutting on got number, I could feel less of the pain and while I do acknowledge that it signalled nerve damage, I didn’t pay much attention

Recently, though, I’ve noticed that the area in which I self-harm has become more sensitive, the pain is higher, it stings more, et cetera

I haven’t necessarily had any changes in lifestyle and it’s not like there’s been a huge gap between my relapses so I’m wondering if anyone has experienced the same?

Is this old, previously damages nerves regenerating and therefore being more sensitive? Must I be concerned??? Do I switch to the other arm?????

I cut to fat in my leg tonight. I got steristrips and bandage to cover it but idk. I refuse to go to urgent care cause I literally can't afford to get out in involuntary hold

While we were getting to know each other, I casually mentioned to him that I was a mess—that I was doing better than before, but that it was still hard sometimes. He had already seen my scars, and he told me he understood me all too well, even though he grew up in a very closed-minded environment—which is why he is that way, too—but even so, he always tried to be there for me and kiss my scars.

Sometimes I’d vent to him, and of course, his advice was more practical—from his perspective and with his greater experience—though at times it wasn’t necessarily the most comforting thing to hear. A few days ago, when I told him about a friend who also feels sorry for herself, he said that people like that are cowards, nonconformists, and selfish—that they play the victim. I even felt like he was implying I was “crazy.” He loves me very much and doesn’t want to leave me alone, but he said that if he moves forward and I want to stay stuck, there’s not much he can do.

I’ve just been wondering: How much truth was there in those “I understand you” remarks, in that apparent empathy that at one point felt so comforting? He told me that all of that is real—it’s just that sometimes he didn’t express his thoughts so bluntly while he was building more trust with me—but that he supports me. He’s not a bad partner—he’s shown me many times that he loves me—but the truth is, it really gets to me, and I feel like he judges me more than he tries to understand me. Because, in fact, I’d been clean for almost half a year a while back, and I’m really trying not to be so depressed anymore, but it’s hard because I was like that for so long. Maybe he only sees my flaws, and not the effort I'm making to quit... Maybe I'm just stupid.