For the longest time, I kept telling myself I’d get serious about my life when things finally calmed down.

When work got easier. When I had more energy. When I felt less stressed. When I had a clear plan.

But there was always something. If one problem disappeared, I’d find another reason to put things off.

The weird part is that I wasn’t doing nothing. I was constantly thinking about what I needed to change, making plans, watching videos about getting my life together, and imagining how different things would be once I started.

It felt productive, but most of it was just preparation without action.

Eventually, I started asking myself a different question: What would I do today if I stopped waiting to feel ready?

Not what would fix my entire life. Just what would make today a little better.

Sometimes it was going for a walk instead of scrolling for an hour. Sometimes it was having an uncomfortable conversation I’d been avoiding. Sometimes it was doing 15 minutes of something I’d been putting off for weeks.

None of it was life-changing on its own. But I noticed something: keeping small promises to myself made it easier to trust myself again.

I think that’s the part people overlook when talking about motivation. You can spend years planning a better version of yourself without ever building the confidence that comes from actually following through.

I'm still working on it, but I'm trying to stop treating every Monday like a fresh start and every bad day like proof that I've failed.

For anyone who's been stuck in the same cycle, what's one small change that genuinely helped you get out of your own way?

hi all. first post here... so i hope this is okay. i know this all sounds silly, but it's genuinely ruining my life and i can't seem to help myself.

i (27f) have been with my current partner (24m) for 1.5 years now. towards the start of our relationship, i found he had cam girl apps on his phone, secret folders (god knows what was in them), telegram, and had been paying for chat services. this completley broke me and i told him that was a big no for me in a relationship. he said it was from when he was single and he will not do any of that now and will not go against my boundaries. since then, i havent found anything as i've not gone looking.

the problem now is, even 1 year on after i found this stuff, i am so anxious. it completley controls my life. i will not go out if i can help it if he's at home, because i dont want to give him opportunity to be alone and watch porn. he works night shifts and i worry when he comes home or is out alone in the truck he's watching it. if im out working and hes at home im convinced hes doing it. this causes me to be in a bad mood with him because im convinced no man can be trusted. i dont tell him this is what's on my mind, but i convince myself hes done it. i got home the other day and saw the bed looked a bit messed up, like he'd been laying in it, and i convinced myself it was because he had been laying in bed watching porn when i was gone.

in my first relationship, from 17-24, i was with a different guy for 7 years. i never had a problem with him watching porn, until the end, when it became clear he was addicted. we never were intimate. it always felt wrong when we were. he couldn't even get hard. i felt like there was something wrong with me, that i was unattractive, not good enough. i found out how gross and secretive it all was, it wasnt just going on to PH and watching a video. these men have secret apps, disguised apps, saved posts, secret social accounts. i honestly feel sick at the thought of how guys brains work, knowing they are so perverted and always find something better than me online. so i guess that's where it's stemmed from

i just dont know what to do. im sick of caring so much, sick of being do anxious, always thinking about the opportunity it has, the impact on my mood. i want to not care. i am going to counselling once every 2 weeks to help me but that's not really giving me much advice, more just a listening ear

i can't go on this way, i hate it so much. has anyone been in a similar situation or has advice. i ultimately want to not care and know im good enough and desirable. im running myself into the ground with gym every day, clean eating, beauty treatments, etc. it's exhausting. i just want to be with a man who doesn't watch this stuff. i am most scared of it happening and me not finding out, i'd much rather know and leave. imagine if it's really happening but he's still sat there saying he wouldn't go against my boundaries. that's what really scares me.

i can't live my life fully, i am self employed so when im working its usually at home most of the time, but sometimes i will go out for clients, even then i try and work it around when i know he'll be home so i dont have to leave him. he knows how i feel about porn but he defo doesnt know the toll its taking on me.

please help because this anxiety and hypervigilance is really making me depressed, as stupid as it sounds. thank you. x

p.s i know this will be an issue with anyone i am with, not just him, which is why im going to therapy

tl;dr i am scared of leaving my boyfriend alone in case he watches porn and it's limiting and ruining my life, i dont know how to get better.

Around two years ago, I dated my ex for about 6 months. It was my first relationship and it’s left me with lasting trauma that I’m not sure I can get over.

We met me 3 months after she cheated on her ex. Two weeks before we became official, she hooked up with her ex and said “it was really great” with joy she never really seemed to have with me. Two days into being official, she wanted to break up because she learned I had financial struggles. A month in, she asked me how I’d feel about poly. Two days later, she asked I’d react if she cheated on me. She broke up with me the day I asked her if she was cheating on me because I was sort of over the emotional turmoil and would have preferred honesty at that point.

She’s a very toxic and manipulative person all-in-all. Unfortunately, I was too naive and gullible to notice the nuclear air raid sirens. You live and you learn, but what still gets me is I cannot imagine myself being desireable to anyone.

We had a de@d bedroom right out of the gate as two young people in a brand new relationship. Our sex life near-exclusively revolved around getting her off with my hands and mouth multiple times, and she had near-zero interest in my enjoyment.

Penetration was rare (it wasn’t with her ex) and a few times we did, she’d ask me to “go deeper” when I was going as deep as I could.

I’m 4.5” long x 5.3” thick downstairs so below average so.. at least from my perspective, the math is pretty obvious there why our sex life was the way it was.

I’m also a pretty ugly motherfucker. I remember one day we were joking around and asking what we found attractive.. and she reaaaaally had to think on it before she said my eyes (since they’re pure green).

I feel aversion at the thought of giving head or using my hands, which is sad because my future partner’s pleasure is something I care about and enjoy.

The idea of dating with my body feels like trying to find a needle in a field of landmines that’ll detonate and retraumatize me. My friends say I need to stop letting someone who was such a shitty person dictate my self-worth. Some people have told me that she was likely using sex as a means of emotional control. But that relationship is pretty much the only romantic or sexual experience I have. It’s the only sample I have to work with. That’s why it’s so hard to move past this.

The fact that I’ve basically never received romantic attention beyond that relationship doesn’t help matters. The reasons I haven’t received romantic attention are probably the same as to why someone like that is the best I can hope for.

I just don’t know where to go from here because I want to move past this, but I don’t even know where to begin.

TL;DR My ex & I had a de@d bedroom right out of the gate and was likely cheating on me. It was my first relationship and I am still struggling with insecurities strengthened by that relationship.

My contact list is long and I’m tagged in plenty of group stuff, but when I think about who I’d actually reach out to when things are rough, the list is short.

I don’t think anyone did anything wrong. It’s more that I stopped doing the small things that keep a friendship close, and feeds make it feel like I’m still in touch when I’m really just aware of what people are up to.

I started working out with my friend so we can share some quality healty time together.

For people who’ve changed this: what made the difference? Did it come down to one person, or something else?

The title is a massive clickbait as it makes me sound ungrateful. Although yea i do wonder that, i don’t think the evidences will support it.

In my whole entirety of life i don’t think i have ever been that pretty girl ever. I remember i had a moment when i was super young where people called me cute a lot and wanted to know about me and would ask my parents about me etc. Well, i grew up into an ugly duckling middle schooler who had such a massive overbite that it would be visible from 10 feet away.

Throughout this transition if i may call it that, i was so well aware of how fucked up i looked that any ounce of meanness by others was well understood by me cause duh why else would you kick someone’s chair when you don’t even know them.

I was alright and did have a friend and other people and was seldom alone. School was tough and i had well adjusted with a few snarky comments here and there. I was never overweight and was rather skinny but gained weight during covid which ahem took away one little thing i had. I looked like a dreadful potato that you can’t even use in your bubble and squeak.

Now, cut to a year or two ago i had what you might call a glow up. I cut my own hair and lost weight. I started to wear better clothes albeit my style being really random and kind of off putting. We’re talking those rugged ripped jean with some god awful bright orange top.

I never put makeup that time and used to have people talk to me in college. Even the pretty ones. This one guy i kind of had crush on started looking at me. It became a huge ego boost as we never talked but had those moments where he would brush past me or lock eyes with me or act weird etc. I had a guy friend of my friend ask about me cause he thought i was very cute, very pretty and very attractive. Girls always commenting on how i looked or how nice my hair was or where I got my clothes from.

I had a guy randomly run towards me to ask me out ig. To tell i look cute or wtv. He was 30 and i was 19 so maybe not that big of an ego boost.
Cut to recently, a year later. I get complimented more. I have been told by my Roomate that i have a perfect face and mind you i really do not. I have been kind of hit on by a classmate. Recently another guy came up to me and said he just wanted to say i look nice and cute and that’s all.

Now, this isn’t a bragging session but more so how I’m spiralling a lot. I do not know what to make of it. I do not see it. I don’t apply makeup but dare i go out or meet anyone without having anything on my lips or my hair looking bad or I’ll probably hide under a blanket for a lifetime.

I cried today cause i saw this account of a clothing brand put up their story with my face on. I bought smth from them at a fest and got a pic clicked to promote it i suppose as did multiple other people. My face and my pic is the cover of their highlight which i do not know if it is incidental or something they did themselves but i fucking hate it. My face looks yassified in the worst way possible and it looks like my face is going to melt of cause of how droppy and saggy it looks. My eyes are hooded so i don’t even think i need to say anything. Plus my acne is creating the weirdest texture.
My sister started commenting on how i look pretty but i think she is being fake nice.

I look weird and have been crying over it. I do not come across as a friendly person so i do think when some people close to me say smth nice it is to flatter me or make me comfortable. At the same time i feel weird that random men who look so much older than me tend to approach me cause maybe i look dumb??? I have a baby face so maybe it is cause i am alone mostly and look like the perfect victim to flatter as i probably look like I’ve never been complimented once in my life.

Anyways, this was the rant. I really want to know why i feel so fucking bizarre about my face. Can i learn how to accept the ugly side of it and if so then how? Why do i feel so gross about it and as if i do not look nearly as good? Can it mean I’m right and people do not have standard and come across as too easy?

.

Ive been backstabbed by so many of my friends which make me develop the fear of talking to people. I use to have the mindset of assuming people may not like me after certain circumstances or interactions. I was able to fix that mindset at one point of time but now i’m reverting back to my old mindset. I really don’t know what to do anymore as so many of my so called friends are constantly backstabbing me or they resent me. I feel like i’m always projecting and honestly at this rate i don’t know what to do anymore. I always say I wanna be somebody but it’s so hard to consistently do things that are draining. Now i’m closed off with people again and i don’t know what to do. Hopefully there are people out there who feels the same way as I do. As honestly right now i feel like my life has gone a down spiral and im falling into depression which i have never thought i would say this or even be posting about this online.

Forgive me for my grammar in advance. English isn’t my mother tongue.

I (F16, 17 in 2 months) am going into a public gymnasium (highschool), one of the strongest in my country. Junior year of it. I’ve been struggling with poor mental health probably half of my life now, it’s a problem i’ve been carrying since childhood. However, i’ll not go into specifics. Well because of my privacy I guess.

Chores, specifically house and school ones, have been a huge problem to deal with ever since I was 10. House work I deal with, however last minute, just to please my mother. And that’s pretty mid too. School, on the contrary, I’m insanely neutral about that. The only reason why I used to try is to, again, please my mom.

In middle school I didn’t care about grades. I did get average/good ones because I’m fairly intelligent, maybe above average, that’s the same way how I got in the gymnasium i’m attending.

Anyhow, last few months, my future has became a much more important deal for me. For the first time in my life, I want to live and I want to succeed. So, I need to go ahead. And school is a way for that one. Anyhow, I want to be a philosopher, and for that you need a lot of basic and philosophy knowledge for the entrance exam, and well grades.
Philosophy/Trivia isn’t a problem. It’s my passion. Grades.

The advice. How. How do I study. Not literally, I mean. I’ll give examples. Philosophy/history/languages is something I genuinely enjoy, and studying for it feels like acquiring life knowledge, but the second it’s something I don’t resonate with such as Biology, Mathematics, Physics I instantly crash. I prepare to study, leave a couple hours in my day free for studies, but when I sit down, start reading, doing works, words become blank, I have an urge to get up, I procrastinate, and end up reading other books of philosophy or literature. Whatever I’m interested in. Eventually, I cave in doing maths or biology or physics, but then my brain goes blank again, I can’t solve something, I rage and want to cry and tear my hair up for being “stupid” and I go back to my safe subjects

I might be lazy. Probably. But how do I stop. I can’t escape this. I don’t want bad grades either, I love the satisfaction of being successful. But how do I stop the brain fog? How do I do something? If anybody has a good advice, OR ANY WHATSOEVER, please hand me some.

I feel loat about who I am. I ​don't know what types of content I should consume on a daily basis to develop interests, to gain a confident a personality where I'm comfortable in my own skin and how to get smarter everyday. Please help! Thank you!!

I hope someone has enough patience to read this, I need to went.

I'm in a bottomless life crisis and I don't know what to do with myself. Where do you even start picking up the pieces of yourself when you lie there like a broken glass on a cold floor?

I have quite recently found out that I have two chronic autoimmune diseases, I have struggled for a year, day and night against strong pains, strong fatigue and beeing stuck in a body that is only working against myself.

Everything in my everyday life has been about keeping myself together and surviving, spending all my energy to manage work, then spending all my free time recovering to be able to cope with the next shift. I felt I was  drowning, as if my head was barely above water surface.

Now a few weeks after I received my diagnosis and I finally started to get help with medication and actually start to notice a positive change in my health, I am thrown into an even worse nightmare, my husband, life partner, my great security & best friend for 12 years has now decided that he needs to prioritize himself and he apparently can not do that if we are still together.

I have tried to turn myself outside and in, begged him to stay and fight with me, not give up on me and us now that I will finally start to feel better 💔

I have said that I am willing to do anything to make his situation better, move closer to his job, change apartments, give up my job, my finances, change all my priorities, go to therapy... yes, everything I can think of for his sake because we are family and we should not give up on each other 💔

But no, he has made up his mind. He doesn't want this anymore.

I am now caught in a nightmare I can't wake up from, in a fog that doesn't ease, I can't think, I can't sleep, I can barely eat because of such strong anxiety. I don't understand anything, why does he suddenly just give up after we have promised each other forever? Who am I without him by my side?

Our relationship has not always been a perfect, we have struggled a lot in periods and it feels like there have always been external factors that have affected us & therefore affected the relationship, for example our sex life has really been on and off. I have poor self-esteem and have not received much other closeness or confirmation from him at times, which has made me bad at taking initiative even though I want him and long for him so much! But it feels like its been only my responsibility fix it 💔

But we also had a great times together. He has so many nice sides but he struggles a lot with his mental well-being, stress and his finances.

I have not always been perfect and I am sure I have contributed to what has gone wrong. But I also know how lonely I've been feeling in our relationship during some times, how I have walked on eggshells at home to not annoy or stress him, how I have tried to ignore those times he got angry with me just because I asked a simple question? How I've been too worried about his reactions that I've avoided bringing up things that didnt feel good for me. He almost never apologizes, it is always me who has to finish the arguments and apologize even though it was not me who has messed up. I have forgiven the times he threatened to end the relationship even in minor conflicts just because he speaks before he talks. How he gasses with the car faster when he is angry even though I think it is scary.

How he has been able to get angry and cussed at me when I am sad instead of having the instinct to comfort me. How he in anger left me here alone crying in panic for a day after he told me he didn't want me anymore because he probably couldn't handle that I was sad 💔

I know that he had to take on a greater responsibility here at home in the past year when I havent bee feeling well and that I have not been very fun to live with. But I have done the best I could at the time considering my situation with my health, but I guess I could have done more and now I have lost him forever 💔

There is so much I regret, wish I could rewined the tape and changed some decisions I /we made along the way.. would he still leave me then?

This anxiety is eating me up and right now I feel like I'm going to have to live alone in that anxiety and regret for the rest of my life.

I'm approaching 40, I was hoping he would be the father of my children... but now I guess I'll never even be able to be mother. Now I will instead be left with our little dog that I now hardly know how to take care of alone because of work, but I can't give him up because he is my everything and now the only piece left of my family 💔

How do I start picking up the pieces of myself when I don't even know what my identity is without him? I'm so attached and intertwined with him that I have no idea who I am when I'm alone?

How do you find your own identity again?

I would have been so grateful for any input or advice on how to work on myself to survive this. Right now everything just feels so fucking dark and scary 💔

Hi Everyone

I am new to this Reddit platform. I am here to share my thoughts which have been coming in mind for couple of months. I am a Salaried person working Finance and Accounts related field. I am very confused regarding my career becoz I have some dreams to fulfill but can't becoz money is a big hurdle for me (becoz i am from poor family background). My parents and brother see me as the one who can help them to overcome from this poor financial situation but I am mentally broke and seeing myself nowhere in future.

That's why i am thinking to start business or Content Creation but I am stuck what to do next. I am hesitating to take a step in my life. It like my job, familly expectations, everythings hits me at same time.

I am requesting if anyone who can give me some ideas and insights it will be very helpful. (Pls no useless/Vulgar replies)

Well im nervous about being exposed. Now i havent done anything crazy or crime worthy but its bad and embarrassing if it got out. It happened years ago and I blocked any parties involved. But one of my friends i still speak to has seen everything, so im afraid to let them go.

I've been trying journaling, so, it helps with the bad anxiety but ill end up staying up till 4am thinking about it.

I've been improving socially and everything, getting better. I just hope it fades away as some dumb stuff I did when I was 14-16.

I constantly have fake memories. If mean Déjà vu where I feel like something has happened not I have a dream and it feels too real. For example I went to work and I remember the full shift being so annoying because this girl and her boyfriend git together that day and she wouldn’t do her job and would only hang out with him c right after that shift I went to my now ex boyfriends house and told him about it. Thing is I did tell my boyfriend but apparently they were never dating because when I asked her she told me ew what the fuck we’re cousins. A few months later turns out they aren’t cousins either and I imagined that as well and they were friends. That’s it. That’s not the only instance there are others. The other month my friend recommend me this artist and I remeber the full conversation about my favourite song of theirs so far, turns out that song has never existed, ever. Is this normal or am I going insane. I am in the process of getting diagnosed with ocd and I’ve heared it may be a symptom but I’m not sure.

Ps: these aren’t the only times it’s happened, I’m not sure how often it happens because I don’t realise like at all half the time

(16/male) lately ive felt lost I do music failed school cuz I was home schooled and that is one big joke every month Is the same only thing . the only thing that is changing is my hope and motivation

all I feel is a hate feeling I'm stagnent some people will say I'm just a kid still and I shouldn't worry about my future but that's also it I could run a million miles and feel lazy and my music feels like it sucks

Hi for the sake of this I'll call myself L and my siblings s1 (female) and s2 (male) and my mom well mom.

In 2021 my father passed away suddenly from an overdose that clogged his arteries a week before my 16th birthday after spending so long in prison and i was the only one who hadnt got a chanve to celebratea birthday with him free. And before that I struggled already with self image and mental health. And after his death every call for help was dismissed as grief. And rhen my mom not even 6 months or so after introduced me and my siblings to a new man. I hated it. They had broken up before his died sure but I felt it was still too soon. I started withdrawing from school I kept things to myself and this man in my home brought drugs and alcohol that was never there before. And as rhe oldest I felt the need to try hide it the best I could but it went shitty because I had a job. So I was going from school to work and back home. I hated living there. I hated living but I kept going because I dont want to imagine my siblings blaming themselves for something I was feeling. When my mom and the man broke up like a year later the damage was done. S1 had started drugs young a substance called spice. And then my mother attempted while I had gone on a day trip with friends. I hated her. I hate her still. Her attempt got social workers involved and that was fine as then there was nothing serious until she brought another worse man home. He brought more drugs. She kept a safe in her room full of cocaine and me and my extended family felt we couldn't tell the police as s1 and 2 were so young they would be taken and at the time family couldn't house them. This man was an asshole and a creep with previous charges of da and grape. When I told the social worker this man was here he called me back instantly and said there were red flags and a safety plan was in place that he couldn't be in the home. But he was. And for the first time my siblings were removed but I was still there as I was 18. They came back and last year they were removed again in March and I was kicked out. I spent from March to near the end of June hopping between family homes and friends homes and I'm so grateful to them for taking me in, even if I'm no longer friends with one. And then I moved in with my grand mother and took guardian ship of my siblings with the condition that my grandmother be my support as she is too unwell to care for them herself. It was going well until s1 started smoking slice more and more and I couldn't cope and despite how it hurt me I had to tell the social worker that I could not care for her as the environment s1 and 2 were taking out of was still happening due to s1 and s2 was only 11 and I did not want him around it. So s1 got sent to an uncles but continued the drug use of spice then was sent to a home. And my brain just checked out? And everytime I click back in i can't remember things that's happened and it feels like something bad is always happening and I can't cope. I want to end it. I do. But im scared. I dont know what to do anymore. Im scared to tell anyone in my family incase they take s2. But despite him being my brother, he's my baby. And I can't I just can't do it it hurts. I've gained weight because I struggle ti leave my home. I had to quit my job just to take care of my brother and grand parents and my social skills have devolved and so has my mental health. When I went to the doctor all he said was to go to the gym? I gained weight but not that much? I just don't know what I can do anymore. I need advice please. Im 21. I feel like im in my forties I know that sounds dramatic but I just don't know how to cope anymore. I shpuld have been in school. I was smart

My day now consists of studying, praying, eating, sleeping, and repeating. I only get out for classes, and the whole thing has become disgusting and is destroying me psychologically and tiring me out. I used to have a PC, but it was taken away because of school, and I'm stuck with my phone, and it's exhausting. I feel irritable and keep it bottled up inside.

So guys lately I am been a lazy af , I am training mma for since last 1 month but still most of the time I am lying on sofa or bed just one hr mma then back to couch , whole I have zero physical activity, will drink a lot of tea , eat a lot of smokeless tobbaco, I have quit alcohol and smoking since 2 month's , so I am sticked to smokeless tobbaco, but guys I feel a lot of tremors , a floating feeling in my lower back , even when lying on bed same tremors, and the feeling of if everything around me is real or not that type feeling, idk what to do changes I am really lost into this things, and from last 4-5 days mma gym is closed it's shifting to another place wo more 6 days it's closed , even I started training mma twice in a day but still I am not able to understand things I face , what new things shall I introduce to let this all go , I am 105 kg guy so I am a lazy bear , so what can you suggest, I am also thinking of working as a delievery guy so it will keep me away from lying on sofa and bed all day , so people who faced same what u will suggest me , even now while typing I am not feeling real that I am typing, so please help a brother out, please...

I used to think I needed to feel ready before starting anything. Get motivated, feel confident, have the right mindset. But most of the time, that feeling never came.

What actually helped was doing small things even when I didn't feel like it. A 10-minute walk, finishing one task, or putting my phone away for a bit.

It wasn't some huge transformation, but slowly, I started trusting myself more because I was actually following through on things.

Has anyone else realized that confidence comes from keeping promises to yourself, not just thinking positively?

Hi 24 year old female .
Currently working as a dementia carer. (Self employed) leaving as I am not passionate and don’t feel any movement in my life. ( if that makes sense)
Don’t take risks in life. I talk to my mum a lot throughout the day as I struggle with my mental health tbh a lot and have really bad anxiety.
Applied for a child nurse job and have been told I have the job. Waiting for all the recruitment stuff. So probably won’t start for another 3/4 months. (Qualified in October 2023 worked as a child nurse for just over a year and left due to burnout, stress, understaffing)

Recently started volunteering with girl guides once every 2 weeks to give back to the community and help me feel more confident.

Don’t have any close friends. I Try to, but most people my age already have a close friend group so it’s hard to build connections. I really really do want a best friend or group of close friends to be honest. I do everything with my mum and if not I do things alone. I go to the woods for walks. Walk my dog, get matcha with my mum and chat, go food shopping or charity shops. Watch films. That’s it really.

Trying to better my life/ feel more fulfilled. Any advice pls 💕💕🫂 I would really appreciate it 💕 thank you for your time 🫶🏾

Привет реддит,я тут впервые недавно мне исполнилось 18 лет и я устал жить,многие могут посчитать меня слабым хотя я таковым и являюсь,вообщем я не хочу жить,посоветуйте что сделать с этим потому что я боюсь умирать но очень хочу

So idk how I’m feeling and what to say but like I js don’t enjoy things anymore I’m js sad and tired like I want to do so much like the things I like my whole day I want to do loads of stuff and for the rest of the week before Halloween so when Halloween comes I’m ready for it and in the right vibe but now when I wake up and think about all I have to do I js don’t wanna and when I try to I don’t care I don’t feel anything tbh I even tried drinking and porn and didn’t enjoy them and felt nothing