Im noticing na I've been lying more often than needed these days, not apparent and not all the time, but today i lied about being sick to skip a test i didn't study for. I feel so guilty to the point i might cry, i feel like my friends might be starting to notice too, i wanna stop lying:( i really really do, ive already done this several times before, lying to not go to school i mean, writing about this now makes me realize na everyone does this, but i wanna stop, i don't wanna get used to skipping a day of school just because i don't want to go, does anyone have tips to help me with this

I hope someone has enough patience to read this, I need to went.

I'm in a bottomless life crisis and I don't know what to do with myself. Where do you even start picking up the pieces of yourself when you lie there like a broken glass on a cold floor?

I have quite recently found out that I have two chronic autoimmune diseases, I have struggled for a year, day and night against strong pains, strong fatigue and beeing stuck in a body that is only working against myself.

Everything in my everyday life has been about keeping myself together and surviving, spending all my energy to manage work, then spending all my free time recovering to be able to cope with the next shift. I felt I was  drowning, as if my head was barely above water surface.

Now a few weeks after I received my diagnosis and I finally started to get help with medication and actually start to notice a positive change in my health, I am thrown into an even worse nightmare, my husband, life partner, my great security & best friend for 12 years has now decided that he needs to prioritize himself and he apparently can not do that if we are still together.

I have tried to turn myself outside and in, begged him to stay and fight with me, not give up on me and us now that I will finally start to feel better 💔

I have said that I am willing to do anything to make his situation better, move closer to his job, change apartments, give up my job, my finances, change all my priorities, go to therapy... yes, everything I can think of for his sake because we are family and we should not give up on each other 💔

But no, he has made up his mind. He doesn't want this anymore.

I am now caught in a nightmare I can't wake up from, in a fog that doesn't ease, I can't think, I can't sleep, I can barely eat because of such strong anxiety. I don't understand anything, why does he suddenly just give up after we have promised each other forever? Who am I without him by my side?

Our relationship has not always been a perfect, we have struggled a lot in periods and it feels like there have always been external factors that have affected us & therefore affected the relationship, for example our sex life has really been on and off. I have poor self-esteem and have not received much other closeness or confirmation from him at times, which has made me bad at taking initiative even though I want him and long for him so much! But it feels like its been only my responsibility fix it 💔

But we also had a great times together. He has so many nice sides but he struggles a lot with his mental well-being, stress and his finances.

I have not always been perfect and I am sure I have contributed to what has gone wrong. But I also know how lonely I've been feeling in our relationship during some times, how I have walked on eggshells at home to not annoy or stress him, how I have tried to ignore those times he got angry with me just because I asked a simple question? How I've been too worried about his reactions that I've avoided bringing up things that didnt feel good for me. He almost never apologizes, it is always me who has to finish the arguments and apologize even though it was not me who has messed up. I have forgiven the times he threatened to end the relationship even in minor conflicts just because he speaks before he talks. How he gasses with the car faster when he is angry even though I think it is scary.

How he has been able to get angry and cussed at me when I am sad instead of having the instinct to comfort me. How he in anger left me here alone crying in panic for a day after he told me he didn't want me anymore because he probably couldn't handle that I was sad 💔

I know that he had to take on a greater responsibility here at home in the past year when I havent bee feeling well and that I have not been very fun to live with. But I have done the best I could at the time considering my situation with my health, but I guess I could have done more and now I have lost him forever 💔

There is so much I regret, wish I could rewined the tape and changed some decisions I /we made along the way.. would he still leave me then?

This anxiety is eating me up and right now I feel like I'm going to have to live alone in that anxiety and regret for the rest of my life.

I'm approaching 40, I was hoping he would be the father of my children... but now I guess I'll never even be able to be mother. Now I will instead be left with our little dog that I now hardly know how to take care of alone because of work, but I can't give him up because he is my everything and now the only piece left of my family 💔

How do I start picking up the pieces of myself when I don't even know what my identity is without him? I'm so attached and intertwined with him that I have no idea who I am when I'm alone?

How do you find your own identity again?

I would have been so grateful for any input or advice on how to work on myself to survive this. Right now everything just feels so fucking dark and scary 💔

For the longest time, I kept telling myself I’d get serious about my life when things finally calmed down.

When work got easier. When I had more energy. When I felt less stressed. When I had a clear plan.

But there was always something. If one problem disappeared, I’d find another reason to put things off.

The weird part is that I wasn’t doing nothing. I was constantly thinking about what I needed to change, making plans, watching videos about getting my life together, and imagining how different things would be once I started.

It felt productive, but most of it was just preparation without action.

Eventually, I started asking myself a different question: What would I do today if I stopped waiting to feel ready?

Not what would fix my entire life. Just what would make today a little better.

Sometimes it was going for a walk instead of scrolling for an hour. Sometimes it was having an uncomfortable conversation I’d been avoiding. Sometimes it was doing 15 minutes of something I’d been putting off for weeks.

None of it was life-changing on its own. But I noticed something: keeping small promises to myself made it easier to trust myself again.

I think that’s the part people overlook when talking about motivation. You can spend years planning a better version of yourself without ever building the confidence that comes from actually following through.

I'm still working on it, but I'm trying to stop treating every Monday like a fresh start and every bad day like proof that I've failed.

For anyone who's been stuck in the same cycle, what's one small change that genuinely helped you get out of your own way?

Hi Everyone

I am new to this Reddit platform. I am here to share my thoughts which have been coming in mind for couple of months. I am a Salaried person working Finance and Accounts related field. I am very confused regarding my career becoz I have some dreams to fulfill but can't becoz money is a big hurdle for me (becoz i am from poor family background). My parents and brother see me as the one who can help them to overcome from this poor financial situation but I am mentally broke and seeing myself nowhere in future.

That's why i am thinking to start business or Content Creation but I am stuck what to do next. I am hesitating to take a step in my life. It like my job, familly expectations, everythings hits me at same time.

I am requesting if anyone who can give me some ideas and insights it will be very helpful. (Pls no useless/Vulgar replies)

Well im nervous about being exposed. Now i havent done anything crazy or crime worthy but its bad and embarrassing if it got out. It happened years ago and I blocked any parties involved. But one of my friends i still speak to has seen everything, so im afraid to let them go.

I've been trying journaling, so, it helps with the bad anxiety but ill end up staying up till 4am thinking about it.

I've been improving socially and everything, getting better. I just hope it fades away as some dumb stuff I did when I was 14-16.

hi all. first post here... so i hope this is okay. i know this all sounds silly, but it's genuinely ruining my life and i can't seem to help myself.

i (27f) have been with my current partner (24m) for 1.5 years now. towards the start of our relationship, i found he had cam girl apps on his phone, secret folders (god knows what was in them), telegram, and had been paying for chat services. this completley broke me and i told him that was a big no for me in a relationship. he said it was from when he was single and he will not do any of that now and will not go against my boundaries. since then, i havent found anything as i've not gone looking.

the problem now is, even 1 year on after i found this stuff, i am so anxious. it completley controls my life. i will not go out if i can help it if he's at home, because i dont want to give him opportunity to be alone and watch porn. he works night shifts and i worry when he comes home or is out alone in the truck he's watching it. if im out working and hes at home im convinced hes doing it. this causes me to be in a bad mood with him because im convinced no man can be trusted. i dont tell him this is what's on my mind, but i convince myself hes done it. i got home the other day and saw the bed looked a bit messed up, like he'd been laying in it, and i convinced myself it was because he had been laying in bed watching porn when i was gone.

in my first relationship, from 17-24, i was with a different guy for 7 years. i never had a problem with him watching porn, until the end, when it became clear he was addicted. we never were intimate. it always felt wrong when we were. he couldn't even get hard. i felt like there was something wrong with me, that i was unattractive, not good enough. i found out how gross and secretive it all was, it wasnt just going on to PH and watching a video. these men have secret apps, disguised apps, saved posts, secret social accounts. i honestly feel sick at the thought of how guys brains work, knowing they are so perverted and always find something better than me online. so i guess that's where it's stemmed from

i just dont know what to do. im sick of caring so much, sick of being do anxious, always thinking about the opportunity it has, the impact on my mood. i want to not care. i am going to counselling once every 2 weeks to help me but that's not really giving me much advice, more just a listening ear

i can't go on this way, i hate it so much. has anyone been in a similar situation or has advice. i ultimately want to not care and know im good enough and desirable. im running myself into the ground with gym every day, clean eating, beauty treatments, etc. it's exhausting. i just want to be with a man who doesn't watch this stuff. i am most scared of it happening and me not finding out, i'd much rather know and leave. imagine if it's really happening but he's still sat there saying he wouldn't go against my boundaries. that's what really scares me.

i can't live my life fully, i am self employed so when im working its usually at home most of the time, but sometimes i will go out for clients, even then i try and work it around when i know he'll be home so i dont have to leave him. he knows how i feel about porn but he defo doesnt know the toll its taking on me.

please help because this anxiety and hypervigilance is really making me depressed, as stupid as it sounds. thank you. x

p.s i know this will be an issue with anyone i am with, not just him, which is why im going to therapy

tl;dr i am scared of leaving my boyfriend alone in case he watches porn and it's limiting and ruining my life, i dont know how to get better.

Around two years ago, I dated my ex for about 6 months. It was my first relationship and it’s left me with lasting trauma that I’m not sure I can get over.

We met me 3 months after she cheated on her ex. Two weeks before we became official, she hooked up with her ex and said “it was really great” with joy she never really seemed to have with me. Two days into being official, she wanted to break up because she learned I had financial struggles. A month in, she asked me how I’d feel about poly. Two days later, she asked I’d react if she cheated on me. She broke up with me the day I asked her if she was cheating on me because I was sort of over the emotional turmoil and would have preferred honesty at that point.

She’s a very toxic and manipulative person all-in-all. Unfortunately, I was too naive and gullible to notice the nuclear air raid sirens. You live and you learn, but what still gets me is I cannot imagine myself being desireable to anyone.

We had a de@d bedroom right out of the gate as two young people in a brand new relationship. Our sex life near-exclusively revolved around getting her off with my hands and mouth multiple times, and she had near-zero interest in my enjoyment.

Penetration was rare (it wasn’t with her ex) and a few times we did, she’d ask me to “go deeper” when I was going as deep as I could.

I’m 4.5” long x 5.3” thick downstairs so below average so.. at least from my perspective, the math is pretty obvious there why our sex life was the way it was.

I’m also a pretty ugly motherfucker. I remember one day we were joking around and asking what we found attractive.. and she reaaaaally had to think on it before she said my eyes (since they’re pure green).

I feel aversion at the thought of giving head or using my hands, which is sad because my future partner’s pleasure is something I care about and enjoy.

The idea of dating with my body feels like trying to find a needle in a field of landmines that’ll detonate and retraumatize me. My friends say I need to stop letting someone who was such a shitty person dictate my self-worth. Some people have told me that she was likely using sex as a means of emotional control. But that relationship is pretty much the only romantic or sexual experience I have. It’s the only sample I have to work with. That’s why it’s so hard to move past this.

The fact that I’ve basically never received romantic attention beyond that relationship doesn’t help matters. The reasons I haven’t received romantic attention are probably the same as to why someone like that is the best I can hope for.

I just don’t know where to go from here because I want to move past this, but I don’t even know where to begin.

TL;DR My ex & I had a de@d bedroom right out of the gate and was likely cheating on me. It was my first relationship and I am still struggling with insecurities strengthened by that relationship.

My mom 43 has 5 boys includeing me, single mom, growing up her and her sister would smoke weed and as they got older it got more serious. My mom and aunt have both been in and out of rehab. Recently I went out to my ranch property where she has been staying, and I saw on the dresser a mirror with white substance on it, you can guess what that is ❄️along with other stuff. She has been clean over a year and has relapsed again, she is dealing with a recent horrible break up with her ex baby dady. Im 23 my recent youngest brother is 2, and she also takes care of my other brother 12 who I love to death I recently found out he has staff infection over the phone and she sounded like she was going through withdraws not caring about it and getting angry when I asked how long hes had it.

I don't know who to talk to about this, I wish I had enough money to take care of my brothers but im in college still. I also have alot of shit on my plate before finding this out. She's been to rehab so many times and she just recently had a kid, ill never understand addicts.

It pisses me off more bc I know how fcked up its making my little brothers, they're about the only thing I care about in this life.

She doesn't know I know shes useing agian, before all this shit she was a lively fun person to be around, ive always trusted her, and drugs took that from me, I stopped talking to her when I got older, and she was going through alot her whole life and I was always reminding her she wasn't doing something right, I never could fcking grasp how fckn hard it was to raise a kid by yourself. So maybe that didn't help in the long run but now, im gonna try to graduate get a job and move my brothers in with me as fast as I can, hopefully everything stays together while im doing that(it prob won't gg)

I constantly have fake memories. If mean Déjà vu where I feel like something has happened not I have a dream and it feels too real. For example I went to work and I remember the full shift being so annoying because this girl and her boyfriend git together that day and she wouldn’t do her job and would only hang out with him c right after that shift I went to my now ex boyfriends house and told him about it. Thing is I did tell my boyfriend but apparently they were never dating because when I asked her she told me ew what the fuck we’re cousins. A few months later turns out they aren’t cousins either and I imagined that as well and they were friends. That’s it. That’s not the only instance there are others. The other month my friend recommend me this artist and I remeber the full conversation about my favourite song of theirs so far, turns out that song has never existed, ever. Is this normal or am I going insane. I am in the process of getting diagnosed with ocd and I’ve heared it may be a symptom but I’m not sure.

Ps: these aren’t the only times it’s happened, I’m not sure how often it happens because I don’t realise like at all half the time

My contact list is long and I’m tagged in plenty of group stuff, but when I think about who I’d actually reach out to when things are rough, the list is short.

I don’t think anyone did anything wrong. It’s more that I stopped doing the small things that keep a friendship close, and feeds make it feel like I’m still in touch when I’m really just aware of what people are up to.

I started working out with my friend so we can share some quality healty time together.

For people who’ve changed this: what made the difference? Did it come down to one person, or something else?

(16/male) lately ive felt lost I do music failed school cuz I was home schooled and that is one big joke every month Is the same only thing . the only thing that is changing is my hope and motivation

all I feel is a hate feeling I'm stagnent some people will say I'm just a kid still and I shouldn't worry about my future but that's also it I could run a million miles and feel lazy and my music feels like it sucks

Hi for the sake of this I'll call myself L and my siblings s1 (female) and s2 (male) and my mom well mom.

In 2021 my father passed away suddenly from an overdose that clogged his arteries a week before my 16th birthday after spending so long in prison and i was the only one who hadnt got a chanve to celebratea birthday with him free. And before that I struggled already with self image and mental health. And after his death every call for help was dismissed as grief. And rhen my mom not even 6 months or so after introduced me and my siblings to a new man. I hated it. They had broken up before his died sure but I felt it was still too soon. I started withdrawing from school I kept things to myself and this man in my home brought drugs and alcohol that was never there before. And as rhe oldest I felt the need to try hide it the best I could but it went shitty because I had a job. So I was going from school to work and back home. I hated living there. I hated living but I kept going because I dont want to imagine my siblings blaming themselves for something I was feeling. When my mom and the man broke up like a year later the damage was done. S1 had started drugs young a substance called spice. And then my mother attempted while I had gone on a day trip with friends. I hated her. I hate her still. Her attempt got social workers involved and that was fine as then there was nothing serious until she brought another worse man home. He brought more drugs. She kept a safe in her room full of cocaine and me and my extended family felt we couldn't tell the police as s1 and 2 were so young they would be taken and at the time family couldn't house them. This man was an asshole and a creep with previous charges of da and grape. When I told the social worker this man was here he called me back instantly and said there were red flags and a safety plan was in place that he couldn't be in the home. But he was. And for the first time my siblings were removed but I was still there as I was 18. They came back and last year they were removed again in March and I was kicked out. I spent from March to near the end of June hopping between family homes and friends homes and I'm so grateful to them for taking me in, even if I'm no longer friends with one. And then I moved in with my grand mother and took guardian ship of my siblings with the condition that my grandmother be my support as she is too unwell to care for them herself. It was going well until s1 started smoking slice more and more and I couldn't cope and despite how it hurt me I had to tell the social worker that I could not care for her as the environment s1 and 2 were taking out of was still happening due to s1 and s2 was only 11 and I did not want him around it. So s1 got sent to an uncles but continued the drug use of spice then was sent to a home. And my brain just checked out? And everytime I click back in i can't remember things that's happened and it feels like something bad is always happening and I can't cope. I want to end it. I do. But im scared. I dont know what to do anymore. Im scared to tell anyone in my family incase they take s2. But despite him being my brother, he's my baby. And I can't I just can't do it it hurts. I've gained weight because I struggle ti leave my home. I had to quit my job just to take care of my brother and grand parents and my social skills have devolved and so has my mental health. When I went to the doctor all he said was to go to the gym? I gained weight but not that much? I just don't know what I can do anymore. I need advice please. Im 21. I feel like im in my forties I know that sounds dramatic but I just don't know how to cope anymore. I shpuld have been in school. I was smart

My day now consists of studying, praying, eating, sleeping, and repeating. I only get out for classes, and the whole thing has become disgusting and is destroying me psychologically and tiring me out. I used to have a PC, but it was taken away because of school, and I'm stuck with my phone, and it's exhausting. I feel irritable and keep it bottled up inside.

So guys lately I am been a lazy af , I am training mma for since last 1 month but still most of the time I am lying on sofa or bed just one hr mma then back to couch , whole I have zero physical activity, will drink a lot of tea , eat a lot of smokeless tobbaco, I have quit alcohol and smoking since 2 month's , so I am sticked to smokeless tobbaco, but guys I feel a lot of tremors , a floating feeling in my lower back , even when lying on bed same tremors, and the feeling of if everything around me is real or not that type feeling, idk what to do changes I am really lost into this things, and from last 4-5 days mma gym is closed it's shifting to another place wo more 6 days it's closed , even I started training mma twice in a day but still I am not able to understand things I face , what new things shall I introduce to let this all go , I am 105 kg guy so I am a lazy bear , so what can you suggest, I am also thinking of working as a delievery guy so it will keep me away from lying on sofa and bed all day , so people who faced same what u will suggest me , even now while typing I am not feeling real that I am typing, so please help a brother out, please...

I used to think I needed to feel ready before starting anything. Get motivated, feel confident, have the right mindset. But most of the time, that feeling never came.

What actually helped was doing small things even when I didn't feel like it. A 10-minute walk, finishing one task, or putting my phone away for a bit.

It wasn't some huge transformation, but slowly, I started trusting myself more because I was actually following through on things.

Has anyone else realized that confidence comes from keeping promises to yourself, not just thinking positively?

Привет реддит,я тут впервые недавно мне исполнилось 18 лет и я устал жить,многие могут посчитать меня слабым хотя я таковым и являюсь,вообщем я не хочу жить,посоветуйте что сделать с этим потому что я боюсь умирать но очень хочу

Hi, this is my first time posting on reddit, if I do anything wrong, I apologize in advance.

I am a teen, and being a teen these days is so painful. I feel like I constantly get observed by the people around me. I don't feel safe with anyone in my age, I want to, but I can't bring myself to.

This started since 5th grade. I was backstabbed by my closest friend, a lot of my secrets were released to the entire grade by my friends, and I had a phase where I wan constantly lonely. I feel like every private information I shared with my most trusted friends were viewed as gossip and something to trade for more information.

I feel like every single movement I do, word I say, everything will be judged. If I say the wrong word, I will get excluded. If I talk to a boy, I will be seen as a pick me. If I study, I'm a try-hard, If I didn't do well on tests, I'm stupid. No matter what I do, I feel like something horrible will happen to me again. If I get close to someone, I want to share more about myself, but they always break their promise of keeping the secret. Now, even when they are nice to me, i don't feel safe, I don't trust them, and I can't get myself to involve in socializing anymore. However, I feel isolated, a bystander of my own life. I constantly fake my whole personality at school, not feeling connected to anyone. I'm so lonely, even though I'm surrounded my so many people.

So, if you read until here, thank you so much. If I went off topic or said something wrong, I'm so sorry. But if you can perhaps spare the time to give me some advice, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you! :)

Hi 24 year old female .
Currently working as a dementia carer. (Self employed) leaving as I am not passionate and don’t feel any movement in my life. ( if that makes sense)
Don’t take risks in life. I talk to my mum a lot throughout the day as I struggle with my mental health tbh a lot and have really bad anxiety.
Applied for a child nurse job and have been told I have the job. Waiting for all the recruitment stuff. So probably won’t start for another 3/4 months. (Qualified in October 2023 worked as a child nurse for just over a year and left due to burnout, stress, understaffing)

Recently started volunteering with girl guides once every 2 weeks to give back to the community and help me feel more confident.

Don’t have any close friends. I Try to, but most people my age already have a close friend group so it’s hard to build connections. I really really do want a best friend or group of close friends to be honest. I do everything with my mum and if not I do things alone. I go to the woods for walks. Walk my dog, get matcha with my mum and chat, go food shopping or charity shops. Watch films. That’s it really.

Trying to better my life/ feel more fulfilled. Any advice pls 💕💕🫂 I would really appreciate it 💕 thank you for your time 🫶🏾

So idk how I’m feeling and what to say but like I js don’t enjoy things anymore I’m js sad and tired like I want to do so much like the things I like my whole day I want to do loads of stuff and for the rest of the week before Halloween so when Halloween comes I’m ready for it and in the right vibe but now when I wake up and think about all I have to do I js don’t wanna and when I try to I don’t care I don’t feel anything tbh I even tried drinking and porn and didn’t enjoy them and felt nothing

So im in 4-7th grade, not telling exact. she always w her friends, but still lonenly often. And i cant really help cuz her friends are kinda abusive and im a male. she has a rope in her room im telling u

She has an axe, has had it in her backpack once. idk what to do or how to react to a friend who wants to kl people and herself. please help!

I don't know how to frame this, but every time I feel down or I feel bad I start to Emotionally invalidate myself by thinking about people who don't have the privilege I have and try to minimize my feelings. I think about people around me or in my school who don't have stuff which I consider as basic necessity. Whenever I decide to buy something nice for myself or something expensive, I have a guilt about why I am buying something this expensive. From the last month I am trying to buy a headphones they cost around 30k inr. And every time I try to order it, I feel so bad and heavy and I am not being able to place order. It happens with almost everything at this point from buying clothes or ordering my coffee. Like I get it there are poor and people who don't the privilege but what the fuck should I do then. It start to affect my mental health and i think my mental health is getting so worse then i think i at least have mental health support which people don't. And then I think okay I will talk with my therapist about it then I feel like most of the teenage people go through this exact emo phase and i shouldn't cry about it. Whenever I have arguments with my parents then I start to scroll reddit and see story and trauma of other people and I feel like mine worth nothing compared to them. Like I understand that Yes, other people are suffering, and I genuinely care about that but what the fuck should I do then. I don't know even if this shit make sense or not.

im 23(f) and started my first job around 9 months back. but i really dont know what im doing in my life. i feel very lost and confused about my future. i have many things i am wanting to do and achieve but nothing is really happening and i dont know how to make it happen also.

i know im still young and have time but i keep feeling like i should have achieved more by this age. like i see other people my age doing so much and i feel im just behind everyone. i dont expect to have everything figured out but atleast some plan or idea of what im doing next? right now i dont even know that.

is this normal at this age? how do people figure out what they want to do with their life?

I genuinely feel like I have less than zero impulse control. I will just do anything my brain tells me to do and it feels impossible to say no. I end up not eating well, eating way too much, scrolling on the internet, staying up late, and ignoring my family and responsibilities to play video games that I do not truly enjoy. I am in a nursing program at my university, and I am fairly close to being done, and I at least have enough control over my life to never miss school, or when I have a job, to always show up on time and never miss any days. I am absolutely capable of doing hard things, as i lost 100 pounds in 2022, and have done a great many things that i am proud of, but I just feel like right now I am completely lost and miserable and I can’t exactly put my finger on the reason why. I feel like I definitely have really bad undiagnosed ADHD, but I honestly have been using that as a cope, as even if it was a scapegoat for all of my problems, i still don’t think it would matter very much. If anyone has any advice, please put it down below.

Hi! I’m a freshly turned 28 yr old female and as the title states, I don’t know anything about myself. I couldn’t tell you my favorite music genre, my favorite movie nor show, I don’t have any genuine likes/interests that excite me. I don’t have my own sense of style, my room isn’t decorated, I don’t have any hopes or dreams. No plans for the future or to even travel because it just doesn’t seem worth even thinking of it. I’ll often just sit and scroll my IG page & feel bad about myself most days. When I do go out, I get really flustered when people ask questions about me or ask what type of stuff i’m into because I don’t know the responses & they can tell too. I don’t go out with my coworkers when they ask me to because I can’t keep up conversations & i’m scared they’ll start to dislike me once they find out i’m a really lame/bland person to be around. I just don’t ever really have too much to say and when I do, I feel it’s just the wrong thing to say. If I do enjoy something, I don’t really dig into the history of it or anything. I just don’t know! I don’t know how to be a person at all it seems!! I’ve felt like this for as long as I can remember even when I was a child, pre-teen, teenager and now as an adult. I hate it so much. i’m so embarrassed that this is my life at 28.

I still live with my mom to help her out financially and because she’s very attached/enmeshed with her kids. I’m the last one she has around so I feel bad leaving her because I know she’ll just be a mess. But, it feels suffocating. My brother went no contact with her because she has a way of making us feel really bad. She’s painted me out to be this really angry person who needs to be catered to so the family we live around don’t really enjoy to be around me. It irks me but I just try to keep my patience with her despite how much she babied me because my dad was very abusive towards her so I know she has a lot of unresolved trauma. I help my mom and dad out every moment they need it. I wouldn’t change it but sometimes I feel i’ve lost myself trying to fix their lives or at least make it better by being there for them. I moved across the country with my mom when she finally left my dad, I was 23. I just don’t think i’ve ever really had a real chance at getting to discover myself. My parents were also insanely strict when I was younger. My dad had cameras in the house, my mom would fill my head that friends will always leave you but family won’t, they wouldn’t let me go out but I also couldn’t talk to them about anything because my mom would then bring it up to shame me in front of others. I know I need therapy and i’ve been in it but even then it was really hard for me to open up and be expressive because i just don’t know.

I just really don’t know what to do to make things better. I’m scared that i’ll die never getting to know who I truly am.

I can’t afford therapy right now so please give me ideas of what to do. Or if you’ve been in the same place please let me know me what you did.

Using a throwaway account for privacy reasons.

Hi all,

I'm a 30yo single guy and I'm writing here because I've found myself in quite the situation.

The past 3 years have been brutal for me. Without getting into every detail, I had a mental breakdown while caught up in an unhealthy friend group and a prolonged unrequited love situation. I went to therapy, burned out at work, and abruptly quit because I couldn’t take it anymore.

I eventually found another job which was much better, but got fired this year because of layoffs. I’ve now been searching for about fix months with little success and am living off of my savings.

These experiences hit me pretty hard, but regardless I’m in a much better mental shape than I was three years ago and I'm not here to wallow or feel sorry for myself. I want to change and build a meaningful life.

I’m wondering whether anyone here has been through something similar and what helped you make a lasting change.

I am still actively applying and interviewing and also putting in the work to close as many knowledge gaps as I can.
I also try to fill my days with as much exercise I can, I cut down on social media and try to socialize with people who I find safe and when I have the energy I even try to give new people and dating a chance.

Basically, I’m trying to live a normal life without letting this situation define me. But despite those efforts, the uncertainty still brings daily stress, pressure and the feeling let myself and everyone down. Private therapy isn’t something I can currently afford.

For people who rebuilt after a similar period, what concrete changes helped beyond exercising, socialising, and “working on yourself”?