I was playing a cricket match it was finals, and so we were a bit aggressive today so was the other team.

On of the team member from another team called my teammates mother something (I don't want to say it here), and I confirmed with my teammate few times and asked the dude who told bad about his mom also.

So I got pissed (I shouldn't have) and during our turn I called him a dude without a mom and then I told him it was wrong to call another dude's mother something like that (I know I was being a hypocrite), he then started taunting me and told crap about my mother after which I got pissed and called his mom a prost!tute.

We lost the match, but after the match I realized what I did was wrong and went and went to him and apologized but he just walked away non-chalantly. I messaged him saying 'Good game, I hope there are no hard feelings.'

I realize what I did was wrong, and I am not saying 2 wrongs make a right, I am not blaming him. I took accountability, and I still don't think its enough. It was not like me because I never really say this type of stuff, again not defending myself.

I do understand that it was wrong to use family during an argument.

I was playing a cricket match it was finals, and so we were a bit aggressive today so was the other team.

On of the team member from another team called my teammates mother something (I don't want to say it here), and I confirmed with my teammate few times and asked the dude who told bad about his mom also.

So I got pissed (I shouldn't have) and during our turn I called him a dude without a mom and then I told him it was wrong to call another dude's mother something like that (I know I was being a hypocrite), he then started taunting me and told crap about my mother after which I got pissed and called his mom a prost!tute.

We lost the match, but after the match I realized what I did was wrong and went and went to him and apologized but he just walked away non-chalantly. I messaged him saying 'Good game, I hope there are no hard feelings.'

I realize what I did was wrong, and I am not saying 2 wrongs make a right, I am not blaming him. I took accountability, and I still don't think its enough. It was not like me because I never really say this type of stuff, again not defending myself.

I do understand that it was wrong to use family during an argument.

.

Ive been backstabbed by so many of my friends which make me develop the fear of talking to people. I use to have the mindset of assuming people may not like me after certain circumstances or interactions. I was able to fix that mindset at one point of time but now i’m reverting back to my old mindset. I really don’t know what to do anymore as so many of my so called friends are constantly backstabbing me or they resent me. I feel like i’m always projecting and honestly at this rate i don’t know what to do anymore. I always say I wanna be somebody but it’s so hard to consistently do things that are draining. Now i’m closed off with people again and i don’t know what to do. Hopefully there are people out there who feels the same way as I do. As honestly right now i feel like my life has gone a down spiral and im falling into depression which i have never thought i would say this or even be posting about this online.