I’ve been stuck in a constant cycle of going back and forth between trying to fight for my relationship and repeatedly texting my ex because I wasn’t ready to let go.

I kept thinking that if I could just explain myself better, show her how much I cared, or prove that I was willing to change, maybe things could be different. I wanted the opportunity to work through our problems together instead of feeling like the relationship ended before I could prove that I was capable of growing.

I won’t lie. I felt discarded. I felt like I wasn’t given the chance I wanted to make things right, and that was incredibly difficult to accept.

But looking back, I’ve started to realize something important: even when your intentions are genuine, repeatedly reaching out can put a heavy emotional burden on your ex.

I was fortunate to have someone who was understanding and mature enough to communicate her boundaries with me. But that doesn’t mean my repeated attempts to talk things through weren’t exhausting for her. She was trying to move forward, while I was still trying to find a way to hold on.

When you’re hurting, it’s easy to convince yourself that one more text will make a difference. You think that if you can just say the right thing, they’ll finally understand how much the relationship meant to you. Sometimes, though, you’re not giving them space to process anything because you’re too focused on getting an answer that will ease your own pain.
No contact is hard, especially when you still love that person. It can feel like you’re doing nothing while the relationship slips further away. You might worry that they’ll forget you, move on, or never understand how much you cared.

And if I’m being honest, a part of me still wants her to come back. I still wish things had worked out differently, and I sometimes catch myself hoping that one day we might get another chance. I’m not going to pretend those feelings have disappeared just because I’m trying to move forward.

But I also know I can’t put my life on hold waiting for something that may never happen. For now, it’s better for me to focus on learning, growing, and becoming a better version of myself—not to prove something to her or guarantee that she’ll return, but because I owe that to myself.

No contact isn’t supposed to be a strategy to make your ex miss you or come back. It’s an opportunity for both people to have space, process what happened, and begin moving forward without the constant pressure of another conversation.

You can still love someone and respect their decision. You can wish you had another chance and accept that you can’t force one. You can feel like you were never given the opportunity to prove yourself and still recognize that repeatedly asking for that opportunity won’t create mutual willingness.

I’m still working through this myself, and I’m not pretending it’s easy. I still have regrets, and I still wish things had turned out differently.

But if you’re in that same cycle right now, take it from someone who’s been there: you don’t have to keep texting someone to prove that you love them.
Sometimes, the hardest thing you can do is stop reaching out, respect their boundaries, and give both of you the space you haven’t been able to give yourselves.

Not because you stopped caring, and not because you’ve completely given up hope, but because you can’t build your future around a possibility you don’t control. For now, learn from what happened, grow at your own pace, and let the future unfold without trying to force it.

Back in February this year, my partner of almost 3 years broke up with me. For me it came out of no where. I just woke up that morning and maybe 15 minutes after waking up it happened. For them this was a long time coming. I was told that we weren't compatible. That we never were. It hurt a lot. There were days where I just cried. I wasn't sure what to do. How do you move on from being ripped out of your safe space? How do you move on when you're no longer able to talk to the person you viewed as your safe space?

With time, it got easier. I slowly started doing things that made me happy and made me feel like myself. I started hanging out with friends that I neglected during my relationship. I didn't realize how much I missed them until I started hanging out with them again. I found new hobbies that I enjoyed. There were times where I wanted to talk to them. To see if I could get them back. But one day I realized that I deserved better. I deserved someone who loved the way I love. That if my ex could just break up with me that easily then it was truly never meant to be. I've slowly forgotten things that I thought I would never forget. Their voice, their laugh, things that made me happy when I was with them. A part of me will love them forever, but I cannot go back to what was. I think a part of me realized something changed before it happened. I just ignored all the signs.

I met someone. I'm not sure if it'll go anywhere or become serious, but this person makes me happy. They make me feel seen. I've never talked to someone who is so communicative. Who will tell me exact times they will be free during the day. I've honestly never been happier than I am now. Not just because I'm talking to someone, but I have my friends back, I'm planning trips with friends and family. I'm going out doing what I want to do without wondering if someone is going to feel ignored. I wish that I could go hug February me. Tell her that it will get better and easier day by day.

This subreddit helped me a lot in the beginning. I would lurk and read what people posted. It made me feel like I wasn't alone in what I was going through. For those who just went through a breakup, who are still grieving the relationship it truly does get better. It takes a lot of work, but it does get better. If you don't know where to start when finding yourself; start small. Find a new hobby. Go on walks. Find a new movie or tv show to watch. I know it feels like everything is falling apart, you just need to find those small things that make you feel normal. You are strong. You will get through this.

same as title.

I finally found the self respect to block and move on, life will be okay and it’ll get easier ❤️🥰

Hello everyone. I just wanted to share something with you all that I found very comforting when healing from an avoidant who replaced me in days/weeks (who really knows the timeline when they monkey branch).

Being replaced so quickly sends you down a rabbit hole of rumination. You begin to question everything. If they could replace me so quickly, was I even meaningful to them? Was what we had even real or just one sided? Are they using this new person to get over me? If this is how they handle conflict in relationships, were they using me to get over someone else? What was I then? & your whole understanding of that connection & shared reality is completely shattered. It can take so long to ground yourself after something so disorienting.

Over time & many therapy sessions, I have come to understand exactly what this title says: it’s not personal, it’s their pattern. The way this individual connected with me & how they handled our conflict is a reflection of their lived experiences. Their ability to submerge themselves fully into a connection, abruptly discard, & then replace immediately after is a pattern they have created to cope with connection or loss of connection. So as painful as discards from an avoidant are, it is not personal. They would do it to you, they did it to someone in the past, & they will do it again in the future. It’s so clear too. An avoidant is AVOIDING painful work & conversations, but we need that discomfort for healing & growth. Avoidance becomes stagnancy, & that becomes a pattern; because at least THAT cycle is comforting to them & they feel like they have some type of control.

Breaking it down like this helped me a lot to understand how everything played out. Remember that we don’t see things as they are, we see them as WE are. When we’re so jaded by betrayal, anger, or pain it can be difficult to understand the situation from a logical place. For me, moving out of an emotional head space & into a more logical one has worked wonders in moving forward with rebuilding a beautiful life for myself. I know its difficult, but I hope that anyone experiencing pain from being discarded & replaced can detach themselves from the situation enough to see that this is their pattern & it will remain their pattern until they decided to change it, which for many people, will never happen.

Sending lots of love & healing to you all. It really does get better, take it one day at a time 💓

I agree with the multiple posts that say, “If they wanted to reach out, they would.” That is 100% true, and even more so if you were the one who got dumped.

However, at the same time, if reaching out is something you genuinely want to do, do it. Not from a position of begging them to come back, but to gain understanding.

I did that (after 2 months of NC), and—surprise—she told me that, on her end, there was nothing left to say, but if I wanted to discuss something further, she was willing to do it.

I took that response as my cue to leave things as they were. That response of hers might have seemed like an open door, but in reality, it just shifted the entire weight of the interaction onto me. Relationships, at the end of the day, are a partnership—and one person cannot carry that load alone. She was already at peace with how things ended.

For me, reaching out and breaking no contact was freeing, because I was able to leave behind hope. Hope that she would reconsider, hope that we could understand each other, hope that we could get back together.

From my perspective, at the tensest moment of our relationship, I was trying my best to understand her, but she just disconnected.

She said things like:

“I don’t know if I see you the same way.”
“I don’t know if I can put in the same effort.”
“If I have to tell you, I don’t want it.”

I was trying so hard to maintain what we had that I completely overextended myself. Tried giving her space, calling her to talk , being more communicative. I was walking on eggshells. In the weeks leading up to the breakup, I could barely sleep or eat. It's worth noting that we were long-distance over the summer, so face-to-face conversations were off the table, which made communication even harder.

I felt blindsided because I thought we were good—then, in the flip of a switch, there was so much turmoil. Our communication styles deeply clashed: I wanted to talk things through to hash them out, while she bottled her feelings until they turned into resentment.

What hurts most is that I truly considered her my person. The one I was going to call home. The one I was going to get down on one knee for and ask to be my wife. The one who was going to be the mother of my children.

Right now, all I feel is empty. That is my reality today, but I know it isn’t permanent. To anyone going through this same kind of pain: you have a powerful opportunity to grow. Learn your limits, figure out what you want out of life, and trust that eventually, someone will come along who is ready and willing to receive everything you have to offer.

My boyfriend of five years broke up with me, and just a few hours later, he slept with someone else. A week later, we talked about the possibility of getting back together, but I can’t seem to feel okay about what happened. Is it normal for someone to move on and sleep with someone else so soon after ending a five-year relationship?

Just want to say after a devastating breakup where I was having panic attacks daily for a month, then weekly for months. I’m over it, and happier now than I was before the relationship/during. It was confronting to sit with that pain and anxiety and not numb it. But I think doing so healed abandonment wounds I’ve had since childhood. I wouldn’t have healed if the relationship had worked out. So I’m grateful to get to experience my next relationship from a place of security and inner peace. Happy happy!

Went no contact a month after the breakup - he kept me dangling with potential reconciliation by texting me everyday after the breakup. I never begged and maintained independence. He never knew about how much I was hurting. Then one day I called him and said - it’s done. The uncertainty is not what I need in a partner. I don’t cling and I don’t chase. If he was going to step up and be the man I needed he had plenty of time.

No contact since. And 4 months later I can see now how he was never going to meet me where I needed not because he didn’t want to but because he didn’t have the capacity for the depth of relationship that I want. I’ve since met a man who is meeting me there without making me feel like I’m asking for too much

Y’all just stop thinking about your ex for a few months and zero contact (thoughts and actions) . The pain will pass and you’ll be better for experiencing it.

Title

How can they love someone so much and then be completely over them and in love with someone else three months later?

I hated it then and I still hate it now. The "maybe someday" and "after a few months of no contact I definitely want to be friends" typical trope. I HATE IT. DON'T KEEP ME GUESSING. You're already hurting me, you've already left me with a great big hole in my heart. Just be vile to me, be vicious, tell me you never want to see me again. Don't plant little seeds that give me false hope and longing for something you KNOW isn't going to happen. Just cut me off and be done with it, sever me like an infected limb so you can do your "healing."

All the shit about "you were a great partner" and the "I still love you, it's just not working," vague bullcrap without concrete examples that would make YOU and ME realize it could be worked on. NOPE. IT WAS JUST EASIER FOR YOU TO LEAVE rather than dedicate yourself to a relationship you CLAIMED mattered "SO MUCH" to you.

I HATE THIS, and I am beginning to HATE you for making me feel this way. Fuck the "no contact" for a while, I'm DONE. I will NEVER be your friend and the only way back to having ANY access to me is to own up to YOUR shortcomings, both of us going through individual therapy, and navigating couple's therapy together. If I'm not worth that effort, stay AWAY from me.

Hello. As the title says, I was the one who ended the relationship, but I want to give some context as to why it happened.

The Beginning My ex and I met in college; we are in the same class. We started talking, and at a party she invited me to with her friends, we hooked up for the first time. From there, we eventually started dating.

At first, everything was great. We got along really well, we were very attached and intense, and there was a lot of love. I loved planning dates, taking her to museums, palaces, and other places.

The Shift and Her Personal Issues But things started to get worse. Early on, she mentioned she had some personal issues and past problems with her ex, but claimed they were resolved. Out of nowhere, she started having panic attacks, questioning if we should stay together, and calling herself a "bad girlfriend".

She did stop being as affectionate, but it didn't bother me at the time. I supported her. If it were today, I would do it all over again—going to her house when she needed me, taking care of her, and calming her down. She stopped texting as much, wouldn't reply, and lacked dedication. She said love was shown in different ways, but I just couldn't see it.

There were several weird situations, and I always assumed it was because her parents weren't good to her.They were jealous of our relationship, treated her badly, oppressed her, and put her down. Once, her mom even tried to kick her out of the house. I went to pick her up while she was saying she was going to kill herself,and I had to calm her down and show her that life has a purpose. This was only 4 or 5 months into the relationship, and I was always there for her.

The Double Standard There was a time when I wasn't doing well and was feeling really down. She hugged me, listened to me, and cried with me. I thought I had found the right person and that, with time, she would overcome her barriers.

But that didn't happen. The very next day, she said the relationship felt "heavy" just because I wasn't doing well. Meanwhile, she was the one having multiple episodes of self-harm and wanting to die. I found it strange,and the relationship only went downhill from there.

Toxicity and Belittling She stopped wanting to do things. She wouldn't do her own hobbies and blamed me,saying I didn't let her do them. It was literally the opposite; I constantly encouraged her. A person who used to ask for time for herself completely stopped doing her own things.

Everything became a problem. I tried to resolve things, but she didn't want to. She blamed past issues, but those were just excuses. Whenever I pointed out something I didn't like, she'd accuse me of bringing up the past, even though the issues were happening that very day.

For example, she belittled me for getting the exact same grade as her in a subject I actually helped her study for. She implied I didn't deserve it and lacked the capacity. Meanwhile, I always celebrated our achievements because a win for one is a win for both.

My opinion became worthless, even about simple things like going to the movies. She started putting me in front of the TV just so she wouldn't have to deal with me. She would say "let's watch something together," and then she would disappear, stop talking to me, and just scroll through TikTok. This was at the 6-month mark. I started getting tired of it and told her I didn't like it, but she didn't care.

When I started working, she got mad that I was working and she wasn't. She got angry and accused me of not talking to her, even though I had been texting her the days prior and she had just ignored me. We were on summer break at this point.

It kept getting worse. I was constantly ignored, and we didn't do anything, not even go to the beach. She only wanted to go by car, and I don't always have one (even though we have public transport that takes the exact same time). The love simply wasn't reciprocal; it felt like I always had to convince her to love me.

The Vacation and The Breakup The worst part was the summer vacation with my parents. My parents always treated her well, but she tried to turn me against them, claiming they didn't like her. She played the victim so I would feel sorry for her and hate my parents, but I didn't fall for it.

During the trip, she wouldn't talk to me or my parents. She isolated herself and still blamed me. When she used to come to my house, she would always sleep cuddled with me. On vacation, she didn't even want to be in the same bed and barely gave me a kiss or a hug.

When we got back, she wanted to argue with me, and I broke up with her. I explained my reasons, and she started saying I never tried to understand her or put myself in her shoes. Her parents were abusive and manipulated her, but for her to claim my parents were doing the same was a huge lack of respect towards them.

Post-Breakup Mess The day after we broke up, I got into a physical altercation with my uncle. Out of pure instinct, I texted her about it, and she just mocked the situation. She had claimed she wanted to be friends and keep talking, but then she disappeared. I understood, as she was mad I broke up with her. Then, her parents texted me, insulting me and saying I was the worst thing that ever happened to her.

Fast forward nearly 3 weeks, her parents texted me again saying she wasn't leaving her room or talking to them. Out of genuine pity, I kept asking her how she was doing for a few days, but she ignored me. I texted her one last time, and she just wanted to argue, saying my life was none of her business. So, I backed off.

School Drama Classes started, and she came to argue with me over text, then in person. When I told her she was wrong, she started acting out in the street. She tried to make it look like I was going to hit her, when SHE was the one pushing me and pointing her finger in my face.

During classes, I tried to be cordial because she had said, once again, that she wanted to be friends. But then she would ignore me and belittle my answers and opinions in class. My political stance—which was never a "problem" during our relationship—suddenly became a target for her to despise my opinions. I just ignored it.She was also constantly reposting things on TikTok talking trash about me.

The Final Confrontation This Friday, I wanted to exchange our belongings. She started arguing with me, had a panic attack, and I calmed her down and held her. Afterwards, she started saying she was going to drop out of college and was missing classes because I wasn't talking to her (even though she never talks to me). She claimed I never apologized, even though I always did, even when I wasn't wrong. She is the one who never apologized a single time.

Then, she started throwing it in my face that she's going out with a guy friend and his friends, doing the exact things I wanted to do with her. She stalked my TikTok right in front of me. She even belittled the vacation I took her on, saying she would have been better off staying home. This is despite the fact that she had never left the country before, my parents and I invited her, she spent absolutely nothing, and had everything paid for.

She tried to offend and belittle me by calling me "small." Yet, she still says she wants to be friends. I know exactly why: it's so she can pretend everything is fine, avoid admitting she's wrong, and keep me around for when things get tough or her friends ditch her.

Conclusion & The Main Issue When I walked away, I cried. Seeing her happy with other people, doing the things I wanted to do with her, hurts so much—especially considering how terribly she treated me when she was actually with me.

My main problem is not her living her life now. What bothers me is that when we were together, she didn't want to do anything. It hurts knowing I treated her better than her own parents did, was always there for her, and put my life on hold, yet I am made out to be the bad guy. It makes me feel awful when she says my parents were bad or that I was controlling and manipulating her. In reality, I was motivating her to do the things she loved and to be her true self. She refused to do those things, and now she is doing them with others.

(PS: Just to add some perspective on how one-sided the support was—there was one time I had a panic attack, which I had never experienced before. She left me in a university bathroom alone, and her only concern was making it to the party afterwards.)

If you have any questions or advice, please let me know.

I DON'T need to hear about how the love of your life wouldn't do this to you; how messaging works both ways; how if he wanted to, he would. I don't need any clichés. I don't think that it's a one size fits all with ex's and breaking up.

That said, I (30f) miss him so much and it's only been getting worse. We were together for about a year, he broke up with me roughly 2 1/2 months ago and have been no contact since the beginning of September. It was really blindsided, which he acknowledged, and I didn't do well for a few weeks afterwards.

I was doing better after about 1 1/2 months and thought I was starting to do okay and feel better. But the last 1-2 weeks have been almost as bad as when it first happened, particularly this week. I've been crying again everyday, I'm aching for him, I miss him so much.

I just went for a drive with my dog and just wanted to text him. I still want to. I want to tell him that I miss him so much, that I think of him all the time and that I have so many things I wish he was around for that I could tell him about. I want to tell him that even though I'm the one that initiated no contact, that it hasn't been easy and I still want him in my life all the time. I want to tell him everything and to just pour my heart out to him.

I guess if I think about it, I want to message because I'm hoping that he's changed his mind and wants to be together again because holy fuck do I still want him back. But I don't think that's what he wants because I made it clear that if he ever did want to try again, to reach out to me.

Idk I'm really back and forth. I just need someone to tell me something or to help me with this. I don't know what to do. I don't know if it would be a horrible idea to message anyways

I hate this. This is the worst breakup I've ever endured and I just want to feel better.

It's been 5 months since the breakup and even though I don't cry everyday the pain is still crazy. Nothing I do makes me happy, along with the depressing fact that my financial situation has taken a serious downturn. I'm not asking for advice.... God knows I've given enough of it. I just needed a place to say I know this won't last forever but it feels like it's already been forever. Anyone else at the 5 month mark?

My ex (27F) and I (25F) broke up almost 2 months ago, still loved each other, but had a lot of hurt and unresolved issues. I’m trying to take accountability for my part in what happened and work on myself, regardless of whether we ever get back together. And I’m taking care of myself and am in a better place.

It was mutual at first but she didn’t want to get back together because she needs space. We want to be amicable cause there’s a high chance of running into each other. And she hasn’t ruled out reconnecting in the future, but she’s also not actively pursuing that right now.

I’m respecting her boundaries and not putting my life on hold, but I still care about her and would be open to reconciliation if we both wanted it and things could be healthier.

My two fears:
(1) holding onto hope and becoming delusional

(2) letting go so completely that I somehow close the door on a future possibility - if I dated someone else reconnecting would be off the table

I don’t want to spend my life waiting for someone who may never come back, but I also don’t want to force myself to stop caring or convince myself there’s absolutely no chance when that’s not what she’s communicated.

How did you find a balance between accepting the breakup and remaining open to reconciliation? did letting go of the outcome actually help you, regardless of whether reconciliation eventually happened?

love hurts time heals

I’m not really in the best place right now. At the beginning of the year my fiancé broke up with me. The break up surprised me since everything was going well in our relationship. She was crazy about me and would always refer to me as her soulmate. We were planning our wedding, had our venue payed for, she bought her dress and we were only a few months away from the wedding day. She decided to take a job in another state and was planning on moving back after a year when she becomes able to transfer. I was not able to leave my job or try to transfer location to make the move out of state. I had been promoted and was still in a time frame where I can’t transfer and if I left the company, I would have to pay the company for licenses. Instead of trying long distance she broke off the engagement and canceled the wedding venue. We stayed in touch, texting and calling each other and playing video games for a few months. Her new job and lower pay were making her stressed and I tried what I could to make her happy and put a smile on her face. Out of nowhere she blew up on me one day and ended up blocking me everywhere. We haven't spoken in 6 months and I haven't stopped thinking about her. I go to work and I chat with friends. I’ve tried dating again but don’t really want to start over again. No matter how much I try to forget about her, I just can't. I can't imagine my life without her. The one person I want to tell anything and everything to and I can't. I feel so mentally drained each day.

I don’t even know what I’m hoping to get out of posting this. I just know I can’t sit alone with my feelings anymore. I feel like they’re suffocating me and I can’t really see the light beyond this darkness I feel. I know I need to get over this breakup but how do you let go of someone who has been a constant by your side for years, who was the first person you’d reach out to to share even the smallest, most mundane parts of your day. He made the decision. He walked away. And I was left feeling stunned and confused and so hurt. I kept thinking maybe if I could get talk to him, if we could reconnect he’d change his mind but he wants nothing of that. Every call left me feeling even more empty. And I was no where closer to having him back. He’s standing firm on this breakup being what’s best for him right now. I just need to respect that. I’m trying so hard to refrain from calling him, to distract myself and focus on putting me back together. But it’s so hard when if I’m being honest all I want is for him to come back and tell me that he made a mistake.

It‘s been almost a month since I broke up with him, because he didn‘t change his behavior and I found out he lied to me.
How do I finally get over him for good. I don‘t even wanna go back to him but I think about him everyday and look up his socials to see how he‘s doing. (Apparently he’s already in love with another girl)How do I stop that and just go on with my days as normal.
It‘s draining me.

I am going through this tough phase(4.5 years relationship), and it hurts like hell man! My hands are shivering , heart is aching , eyes are blurry , i have an exam after 3 months , an exam that will decide my career , we had such a beautiful bond we decided to pursue same careers it was literally perfect , but in april this year, we didn’t clear the exam because of the conducting agency’s fault we scored pretty good numbers , she decided that she could not give another year to this competitive exam and i respected her decision , she wanted to join teaching and she did whereas i tried to prepare again for this exam ! It was pretty good initially , earlier we used to study together daily , eat together cry together everything !!! Then for her job she needed to go to some office daily for training ! And hence the problem started ! Busy schedules no proper talking but i still waited for that Sunday we used to meet and fall in love with each other again and again . My exam (Tier 1 ) was near and i was so tensed so maybe I didn’t pay that much attention to her career and i was busy studying , ofc i had no frnd other than her not even a guy frnd to be honest, i enjoyed her company so much I didn’t need any , she made some frnds in her office male mostly coz there was no female in the office, I gradually accepted this coz it was not her fault but suddenly she started complaining that i am not asking how her day went not giving those efforts that i used to give and yeah now i do realise yes I didn’t and i said sorry and promised her to give me a chance again after my tier 1 ( the exam got over on 16th oct) and i offered her everything i could we did meet 2 oct and the day went pretty good , she didnt complain me that day . Then suddenly on 18th we had a fight but i tried to solve that fight too stating that i want to make things right and i want to care for u , the care u deserved and which I couldn’t give coz of our busy different careers but i really wanna grow with u , she just replied that it’s not my fault and she doesn’t need any relationship anymore she is fed up of this and don’t want me anymore as her partner , she replied that she wont try another relationship in the future too coz she loves me but does not want this relationship tag . I tried to convince her so much literally begged her daily msgs and she just replied stop msging i dont want relationship and I want to be single i cant give u relationship efforts and that emotion , mann what should i do now ? She is avoiding me wants to focus on her career now , and is saying to focus on my career ? But how ? I am so used to of her that i cant even eat anything having panic attacks daily like daily mannn i cant even study a word and she is progressing in her career , talking to her colleagues, i still want her to make things right she says she is sorry but can’t force or act like in a relationship and slso says she loves me more than anything! Now what should i do , ofc i should stop texting her but how ? It hurts so much ! I have dreamed my future with her !

Begged her so much that i am
Hating myself now but can’t stop it too !
I think i need therapy
I am alone
No friends at all
She was my only friend
My world used to revolve around her

Sorry for my english I couldn’t focus on it it was pretty tough to write this

I'm so tired of being left behind. I've never left a partner, I'm always the one that they leave. It makes me wonder what's wrong with me and why I'm not enough for someone. I've been in 4 relationships, three of which didn't last very long but obviously the goal of a relationship is to navigate life together. Even if I wasn't intensely committed in those three, being left still hurts. My most recent relationship was by far the most serious one I've been in and it has left my soul crushed. I poured everything I had into the relationship. I sacrificed so much for this woman, gave her my heart and soul, remained vulnerable and tried to communicate. I even remained single for years so I could go through therapy and heal before trying with another person. That way she wouldn't have received any of the baggage I was carrying... all that just to be left behind yet again. I feel so defeated. I am so tired. Constant rumination and beating myself up. Wondering what I could have done differently...

My girlfriend broke up with me a week ago (we’re both seniors in college) because she got this overwhelming sinking feeling in her stomach that we wouldn’t be compatible long term because of our fundamental differences and she said she felt “off about us”. She said she didn’t want to ignore it because it wouldn’t be fair to either of us. Well we talked further and those “fundamental” differences are just things we never talked about so I was never even given the chance to grow

Her and I texted very briefly over the last week (maybe 5 messages back and forth total) but they were essays. In those essays she said she would like us to take time to gather our thoughts and have a mature conversation and said “while I’m not saying I want to try again right now, I think it’ll be a good opportunity to hear each other out and potentially get some closure”. She also said that she loved me more and misses me and that she’s extremely unhappy about how things are between us. She also kept saying she wishes she didn’t felt like this and that she still loves me.

I can’t tell what’s going through her find because it feels so final, but that “right now” feels intentional to include in the text, almost like she’s willing to hear me out. It also hurts more for her to be speaking like she was the one that got broken up with. I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I’m taking this time to confront the things I didn’t before in our relationship and hope that me starting to change and grow is enough for her to want to try again.