Your ex blocked you for a reason. They didn’t lose your number by accident. They simply do not want you in their life. It’s a tough pill to swallow, I know. I’ve been on the other end of it. But as the partner of someone dealing with an ex who is practically STALKING him, please… just leave us alone.

Your empty apologies and platitudes aren’t welcome. They’re disrespectful to my partner (the person you supposedly care about—though he finds them more disrespectful to me which makes you disgusting in his eyes), degrading to yourself, and frankly—desperate. It’s sad that even after more than a year you can’t get your own life.

Or perhaps you’re such a narcissist you only see your ex as someone to fill your needs and don’t even consider their own wants, desires, or happiness? He wants a home, a family, stability.

In a broader sense: leave your exes alone. They left you for a reason. Their blocking you isn’t a coincidence.

I’ve been stuck in a constant cycle of going back and forth between trying to fight for my relationship and repeatedly texting my ex because I wasn’t ready to let go.

I kept thinking that if I could just explain myself better, show her how much I cared, or prove that I was willing to change, maybe things could be different. I wanted the opportunity to work through our problems together instead of feeling like the relationship ended before I could prove that I was capable of growing.

I won’t lie. I felt discarded. I felt like I wasn’t given the chance I wanted to make things right, and that was incredibly difficult to accept.

But looking back, I’ve started to realize something important: even when your intentions are genuine, repeatedly reaching out can put a heavy emotional burden on your ex.

I was fortunate to have someone who was understanding and mature enough to communicate her boundaries with me. But that doesn’t mean my repeated attempts to talk things through weren’t exhausting for her. She was trying to move forward, while I was still trying to find a way to hold on.

When you’re hurting, it’s easy to convince yourself that one more text will make a difference. You think that if you can just say the right thing, they’ll finally understand how much the relationship meant to you. Sometimes, though, you’re not giving them space to process anything because you’re too focused on getting an answer that will ease your own pain.
No contact is hard, especially when you still love that person. It can feel like you’re doing nothing while the relationship slips further away. You might worry that they’ll forget you, move on, or never understand how much you cared.

And if I’m being honest, a part of me still wants her to come back. I still wish things had worked out differently, and I sometimes catch myself hoping that one day we might get another chance. I’m not going to pretend those feelings have disappeared just because I’m trying to move forward.

But I also know I can’t put my life on hold waiting for something that may never happen. For now, it’s better for me to focus on learning, growing, and becoming a better version of myself—not to prove something to her or guarantee that she’ll return, but because I owe that to myself.

No contact isn’t supposed to be a strategy to make your ex miss you or come back. It’s an opportunity for both people to have space, process what happened, and begin moving forward without the constant pressure of another conversation.

You can still love someone and respect their decision. You can wish you had another chance and accept that you can’t force one. You can feel like you were never given the opportunity to prove yourself and still recognize that repeatedly asking for that opportunity won’t create mutual willingness.

I’m still working through this myself, and I’m not pretending it’s easy. I still have regrets, and I still wish things had turned out differently.

But if you’re in that same cycle right now, take it from someone who’s been there: you don’t have to keep texting someone to prove that you love them.
Sometimes, the hardest thing you can do is stop reaching out, respect their boundaries, and give both of you the space you haven’t been able to give yourselves.

Not because you stopped caring, and not because you’ve completely given up hope, but because you can’t build your future around a possibility you don’t control. For now, learn from what happened, grow at your own pace, and let the future unfold without trying to force it.

I'm 29M. I met my ex-wife in May 2017, married her in December 2018, and our divorce was finalized earlier this month. We spent almost nine and a half years together, nearly eight of those married. I found out about her infidelity a little over four months ago, and it's been one hell of an emotional roller coaster since.

And it wasn't just the two of us. She had a young son when we met, and I helped raise him for almost nine years. We were a family. I had a wife, a child I was raising, a home, and an entire life built around the three of us.

But something has changed drastically over the last week or two. I went from constantly ruminating, dealing with intrusive thoughts, and feeling overwhelmed by everything that happened to suddenly realizing that I genuinely feel indifferent toward her. I don't hate her, I don't miss her, and I don't want her back. It's almost like my mind finally decided to let go.

But here's the strange part. That realization brought a completely different kind of sadness.

I started thinking about how almost nine and a half years of my life, of having a wife, raising a child, being a family, sharing a home, routines, holidays, memories, and an entire life together, now feel like nothing more than a distant dream. Almost like none of it ever happened.

And it's honestly such a crazy, sad feeling.

It wasn't just a relationship that ended. It was an entire family dynamic, an entire way of living. For years, I came home to a wife and a child. There were everyday routines, family moments, responsibilities, and memories that made up my entire world. And now, looking back, all of it feels so distant that sometimes it's hard to believe that was actually my life.

I'm not sad because I want her back. I'm sad because it's heartbreaking to think that so many years of your life can eventually feel like they never even existed.

It's strange what the mind does as we heal and move forward. And it's equally strange how life can take something that was once such a huge part of your world and turn it into a distant memory.

I guess I'm realizing that sometimes healing comes with its own kind of sadness. Not sadness over wanting the relationship back, but sadness over realizing that an entire chapter of your life, an entire family life, is truly gone.

Has anyone else experienced this? That strange feeling where you're finally over the person, but looking back at all those years, the family you had, and the life you built feels like remembering a dream you woke up from?

Broke up with my girlfriend of almost 2 years last week because I just felt like we weren’t compatible anymore unfortunately, we just see things completely different and hardly have any common interests. Today I was feeling bored and decided to check her instagram (which I never use) and come to find out she’s been in another relationship with someone for a whole 7 years. On her ig story she’s wishing her main boyfriend I guess happy 7th anniversary. I’m so fucking lost for words it’s almost comical.

I just need to rant about this because I’m so mad right now. So me and my ex decided to give our relationship another try. We had a long conversation about boundaries, mental health, attachment styles, trauma and all the other stuff. Everything seemed to be going well. About a week into us being back together, we decided to get intimate. This happened two days ago. We went on a date, had dinner, watched a movie and one thing led to another. At the time I didn’t feel anything was wrong with it, it was a really good night and when he dropped me off home he said he had a great time and can’t wait to see me again. The next day (yesterday) I don’t hear shit from him… I send him a good morning text, he doesn’t get back to me until 1pm. He says he barely slept that night, had a lot of work to get done and was struggling. I’m like OKAY, makes sense, he’s tired I’ll give him space. But the ENTIRE day goes by and I don’t hear anything else from him!!! No good night texts, check ins, asking if I’m okay, nothing! Which is weird because we were talking pretty much everyday, all day before we had sex on Sunday. And this is not the first time he’s had an exhausting day, but every other time, he still talked to me as if there was no issue. So how was I supposed to know yesterday would be any different? I don’t mind giving my partner space if they need it, but a direct message saying something like “hey I’m having a hard day and may not talk as much but I’m still thinking of you” would’ve made me feel more secure. But anyways, after we had a great night together, all of a sudden he goes non verbal? It’s weird. Now it’s the next day (today) and I still haven’t heard anything from him in almost 24 hours. This makes me incredibly frustrated because I honestly feel like he just used me for sex. Which is very heartbreaking because I have sexual trauma related to this exact same scenario that I’ve expressed to him multiple times. I don’t like being viewed as a sex object, I’ve dealt with men that have looked at me like this before, which is why I only have sex with people I truly love and feel an emotional connection to. And I feel like he took advantage of this… that’s what hurts the most. I don’t feel like he loves me, let alone cares about me to have done something like this.

I wanted to apologize for suffocating you at times. This was my first romantic relationship, so I didn’t really know what to do, and I ended up suffocating you. I thought I had already improved in that regard, but I realize there were still things I needed to work on. Miss our talks, miss your presence and miss you entirely

I’ve been moving on with my life, but I’ve also been thinking about everything that happened and learning a lot from this experience. If I had had a romantic relationship before, maybe things between us would be different now, and we would be okay. Even so, you were the person I wanted to be with, and I still believed in what we could achieve as a couple. I also always believed that you were a good person and the right one for me.

Despite everything, I want to thank you for the moments we shared and for helping me through a difficult period in my life. You were important to me, and I’ll carry many good memories of what we had with me.

I hope life treats you well, just as you made me smile, and that everything good comes your way. Fairwell my love

Hey everyone, I’m back here because I’m feeling really down today. Some of you might remember my story and have been with me through all the ups and downs of this breakup so far.

A few days ago, after months from his decision to leave me, he reached out by sending me a picture of a museum we were supposed to visit togheter. We made small talk, reminisced a bit about the past, and he genuinely seemed interested in hearing from me. But the moment the conversation shifted to his life and I started asking questions, he pulled away. I think he just wanted to check up on me to ease his own guilt. indeed, he asked me to give him updates on my job researching (i left my previous job to find a suitable one to start a family together... and then he left)

Before ending the conversation, I told him the truth: that I miss him and that talking like this feels awful. He said: "Sometimes i miss you too" .

But added that he doesn't want to talk about "certain things." We exchanged a virtual hug and that was it. But that word "sometimes" has been driving me crazy ever since. What does that even mean? We've been together for 6 years and he told me that left the relationship because it was tired of my "jealousy" (he clearly had feelings for another and i started to ask to be reassured).

A couple of days later from his interaction, I reached out and sent him something that reminded me of him. He completely ignored the message, only to leave a passive "like" two days later.

I just don't know what to think anymore. I'm just so sad and feeling completely drained. :(

My ex and I split up about 8 months ago or so, she moved out in May. In between the time we split and her moving out I had been journaling my thoughts and feelings. At the time I was desperate and I was lost and had no idea what exactly I felt or thought on the breakup.

Cut to now I was scrolling on tik tok and came across an account of hers in my search recommendations which is strange bc I assumed she would have blocked me on everything. Anyways she posted this phoebe bridgers trend not too long ago and I saw that she had taken pictures of my journal page by page at some point when she was either moving out or packing and she posted them all on this video.

It’s been so long since we split and I’ve been trying to forgive myself and her so I can heal and make better choices moving forward. But this puts me in a weird position, even though I haven’t talked to her in months I feel so beyond betrayed and hurt. Those were my personal feelings and thoughts that I purposely wanted private, it was one thing to take pictures but to post it to everyone she does know and doesn’t.

Anywho in all honesty I just want some support or advice on how I can move on from this. I’m not sure if anyone can relate but it’s even more frustrating knowing that at the time I was not the same person I am now, those thoughts and feelings are not the same anymore, and for it to be taken and shared and made to define who I am is incredibly hurtful and angering.

Hello everyone. I just wanted to share something with you all that I found very comforting when healing from an avoidant who replaced me in days/weeks (who really knows the timeline when they monkey branch).

Being replaced so quickly sends you down a rabbit hole of rumination. You begin to question everything. If they could replace me so quickly, was I even meaningful to them? Was what we had even real or just one sided? Are they using this new person to get over me? If this is how they handle conflict in relationships, were they using me to get over someone else? What was I then? & your whole understanding of that connection & shared reality is completely shattered. It can take so long to ground yourself after something so disorienting.

Over time & many therapy sessions, I have come to understand exactly what this title says: it’s not personal, it’s their pattern. The way this individual connected with me & how they handled our conflict is a reflection of their lived experiences. Their ability to submerge themselves fully into a connection, abruptly discard, & then replace immediately after is a pattern they have created to cope with connection or loss of connection. So as painful as discards from an avoidant are, it is not personal. They would do it to you, they did it to someone in the past, & they will do it again in the future. It’s so clear too. An avoidant is AVOIDING painful work & conversations, but we need that discomfort for healing & growth. Avoidance becomes stagnancy, & that becomes a pattern; because at least THAT cycle is comforting to them & they feel like they have some type of control.

Breaking it down like this helped me a lot to understand how everything played out. Remember that we don’t see things as they are, we see them as WE are. When we’re so jaded by betrayal, anger, or pain it can be difficult to understand the situation from a logical place. For me, moving out of an emotional head space & into a more logical one has worked wonders in moving forward with rebuilding a beautiful life for myself. I know its difficult, but I hope that anyone experiencing pain from being discarded & replaced can detach themselves from the situation enough to see that this is their pattern & it will remain their pattern until they decided to change it, which for many people, will never happen.

Sending lots of love & healing to you all. It really does get better, take it one day at a time 💓

I hated it then and I still hate it now. The "maybe someday" and "after a few months of no contact I definitely want to be friends" typical trope. I HATE IT. DON'T KEEP ME GUESSING. You're already hurting me, you've already left me with a great big hole in my heart. Just be vile to me, be vicious, tell me you never want to see me again. Don't plant little seeds that give me false hope and longing for something you KNOW isn't going to happen. Just cut me off and be done with it, sever me like an infected limb so you can do your "healing."

All the shit about "you were a great partner" and the "I still love you, it's just not working," vague bullcrap without concrete examples that would make YOU and ME realize it could be worked on. NOPE. IT WAS JUST EASIER FOR YOU TO LEAVE rather than dedicate yourself to a relationship you CLAIMED mattered "SO MUCH" to you.

I HATE THIS, and I am beginning to HATE you for making me feel this way. Fuck the "no contact" for a while, I'm DONE. I will NEVER be your friend and the only way back to having ANY access to me is to own up to YOUR shortcomings, both of us going through individual therapy, and navigating couple's therapy together. If I'm not worth that effort, stay AWAY from me.

Back in February this year, my partner of almost 3 years broke up with me. For me it came out of no where. I just woke up that morning and maybe 15 minutes after waking up it happened. For them this was a long time coming. I was told that we weren't compatible. That we never were. It hurt a lot. There were days where I just cried. I wasn't sure what to do. How do you move on from being ripped out of your safe space? How do you move on when you're no longer able to talk to the person you viewed as your safe space?

With time, it got easier. I slowly started doing things that made me happy and made me feel like myself. I started hanging out with friends that I neglected during my relationship. I didn't realize how much I missed them until I started hanging out with them again. I found new hobbies that I enjoyed. There were times where I wanted to talk to them. To see if I could get them back. But one day I realized that I deserved better. I deserved someone who loved the way I love. That if my ex could just break up with me that easily then it was truly never meant to be. I've slowly forgotten things that I thought I would never forget. Their voice, their laugh, things that made me happy when I was with them. A part of me will love them forever, but I cannot go back to what was. I think a part of me realized something changed before it happened. I just ignored all the signs.

I met someone. I'm not sure if it'll go anywhere or become serious, but this person makes me happy. They make me feel seen. I've never talked to someone who is so communicative. Who will tell me exact times they will be free during the day. I've honestly never been happier than I am now. Not just because I'm talking to someone, but I have my friends back, I'm planning trips with friends and family. I'm going out doing what I want to do without wondering if someone is going to feel ignored. I wish that I could go hug February me. Tell her that it will get better and easier day by day.

This subreddit helped me a lot in the beginning. I would lurk and read what people posted. It made me feel like I wasn't alone in what I was going through. For those who just went through a breakup, who are still grieving the relationship it truly does get better. It takes a lot of work, but it does get better. If you don't know where to start when finding yourself; start small. Find a new hobby. Go on walks. Find a new movie or tv show to watch. I know it feels like everything is falling apart, you just need to find those small things that make you feel normal. You are strong. You will get through this.

Title

I finally found the self respect to block and move on, life will be okay and it’ll get easier ❤️🥰

My ex and I were together for almost 3 years and broke up 8 months ago. I’m still deeply in love with him. He was my best friend, and I genuinely pictured spending my life with him.

Our breakup was complicated, involving traumatic family events, trust issues, and unhealthy communication patterns. Looking back, I’ve realized I struggled with anxious attachment, insecurity, emotional regulation, and protest behaviors. I would sometimes start arguments, send impulsive emotional paragraphs, and seek constant reassurance. I genuinely regret how I handled things.

I also believe my ex has avoidant tendencies. He’s always enjoyed being alone, is very independent, and tends to shut down when conversations become emotional. Meanwhile, I want to communicate and fix things immediately.

We’ve been stuck in a push-and-pull cycle for 8 months. He hasn’t blocked me, and we still communicate occasionally, but I’m usually the one reaching out.
He still says he loves me but also tells me things like “It will never be the same,” “It’s too emotional,” “I can’t do this right now,” and that he can’t give me what I need.

I’ve asked to sit down and have a calm conversation about potentially rebuilding something healthier, but he seems reluctant because it’s too emotional for him.

I struggle to accept what he’s telling me. I genuinely believe relationships can be repaired with effort, clear boundaries, communication, and accountability. I don’t want our old relationship back. I’d want a fresh start with healthier patterns. It hurts that he doesn’t seem willing to try, although I understand rebuilding requires two willing people.

My biggest struggle is my anxiety and panic-texting cycle. When I feel rejected or don’t hear from him, I overthink, panic, and send emotional paragraphs or impulsive texts. Afterward, I regret it and feel embarrassed. I recognize this behavior isn’t healthy and probably pushes him further away.

The longest I’ve gone no contact is 10 days. I keep breaking it because I miss him, want reassurance, or hope he’ll reconsider. Then I feel rejected all over again.
I’ve recently reread old conversations and realized how emotionally reactive I was during our relationship. I’m starting therapy to work on anxious attachment, emotional regulation, and breaking these patterns.

I know I need to respect his boundaries and focus on myself, but I’m struggling to accept that someone can still love you and not want to be with you. The thought of him eventually moving on also hurts.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you stop panic texting, maintain no contact, and finally accept the breakup when you still loved the person? How did you break the anxious-avoidant cycle and become more emotionally secure?

I genuinely want to heal and change, but I’m having such a hard time letting go.

My boyfriend of five years broke up with me, and just a few hours later, he slept with someone else. A week later, we talked about the possibility of getting back together, but I can’t seem to feel okay about what happened. Is it normal for someone to move on and sleep with someone else so soon after ending a five-year relationship?

I feel like it’s so embarrassing to write this here but I actually just don’t know where to put all this. My ex and I (23) dated for about 4 years, and we lived together half of that time. He broke up with me about a month ago, very suddenly. It was literally from one day to the next. I won’t get into why it is that he chose to break up with me, there were reasons and I respect them. I also am aware that this is probably the best decision for himself and maybe some people would say for me as well. I just am not being able to cope in a healthy way at all.

For context, I am estranged from my family and have been no contact with them almost as long as we have dated. I also won’t get into the reasons why that is but believe me that they are valid. When we started dating my relationship with my family / living situation was at an all time low, and when we moved in together it was kind of a last minute escape situation rather than two adults making a decision to live together because they wanted to/where ready for it. So he has been my entire support system for as long as we have been together, and at some point I became comfortable with this. I was in so much pain from what I had experienced and so traumatized but I assumed that I could finally be at some level of peace for the rest of my life because I had found him, and he loved me a lot and he was such a great partner to me even when we struggled together. He also has an amazing, successful, stable, loving and supportive family that was always very kind to me and included me in things and didn’t make me feel weird for my situation. Holidays like Christmas have always been a struggle for me because I never really had anyone to celebrate them with comfortably, and after we started dating and I got invited to his family’s home it became one of my favorite moments of the year.

So now that we have broken up I have lost both him and our dynamic/relationship as well as his family. And all in the span of a few weeks. We also still live together, and I see him going out with people every single day after work and being able to have a semi normal life (not saying he isn’t struggling, just in comparison) and it’s so crushing. I don’t necessarily want him to suffer, but it makes me more aware of my own pain and makes me feel so... humiliated? We had also been recently included in a friend group that we entered as a couple and now it seems like it has been kind of divided, even though that was not our intention, and it makes me feel even more rejected and insecure to think those friends want to be around him but feel awkward around me. Some of them didn’t even reach out when it happened, but have been purposefully seeing him almost daily. And obviously it’s normal to feel more in tune with some people than others, I am just especially sensitive at this time and it all just feels like a huge continuous rejection of me as a person.

I just feel so deeply alone and disposable and broken. I don’t have many outlets to use to make myself feel more like a real person outside of the relationship. I know this should be a wake up call as to how I have let myself and my life be led by this person whose relationship to me was always supposed to be understood as conditional (even if he felt like family, he was at the end of the day a romantic partner). It’s just so hard to make myself actually understand and agree with that. I don’t know how to tackle my feelings or the situation. I keep reaching out to him about my emotions and discussing things and asking for his comfort because I don’t know who else to rely on. But it clearly and understandably makes him uncomfortable and makes things harder and I know he would prefer not to do it but knows I truly don’t have anywhere else to go to. And of course his awkwardness and distance with me from navigating the break up make me feel even more rejected. I truly don’t know where to go from here. I think this is the worst my mental health has been at ever, and I have gone through some really mental health crushing experiences. I guess before I felt like I was used to those things and that once I was an adult and had control over myself I could escape. And now it felt like I had escaped and built something very different and it’s all just crumbling down. I feel very hopeless.

We broke up a month and a half ago but we keep seeing each other, spending the night together, etc.

Which is bad. I know. There's no moving forwards, only more pain and sadness. And I know I have to end this "fwb" type of situation. It feels so good in the moment but then it all comes crashing down bad...

Today is my birthday. He knows. He knows I'm flying back to my home country for a week too. I have received a lot of messages from my friends and family and also thanks to Facebook a lot of random people I haven't talked to for years lol. But nothing from him (yet?).

I'm just so sad. It's getting harder and harder. And I know that by seeing him and acting like a couple, holding hands down the street, kissing and hugging as soon as we see each other, etc. just makes it harder. It's just delaying the truly devastating stage of the heartbreak.

I know no contact is the best way out. But I'm scared and I'm hurt. I've had my heart broken way worse before him and I know it always gets better with time and no contact.

So I guess for my birthday gift from myself to myself I should just go no contact.

What a gift. 🫩

Hope future me will be thankful because present me is sad, hurt and devastated. But I know it's the only way out. It's the only way to move forward. As much as I don't want to, I have no choice if I want to heal and get over him. And believe me I do.

Ugh. This all sucks so bad.

M31
She left me 4 months ago, after 11 years together.
How can I ever love someone else as intensely as I loved her? I found her beautiful every single day. I could be myself with her, even with all my weirdness. We wanted to buy a house together and go on a trip to Japan one day. I felt an all-consuming love inside me. I wanted to make her happy, protect her, and love her.
How can I love someone else who isn't her? Despite the way she treated me during the breakup, cheating on me and giving me flimsy excuses for leaving, I still feel like I want her back. But after 4 months, she doesn't seem to want to reconsider her decision.
I wonder if she regrets it now that she's moved back in with her parents instead of living in the house we used to rent together.
I know I have to move on, but I miss her... I'm trying to go out with another girl, but I'm afraid of these feelings I still have for my ex.

same as title.

It’s my birthday tomorrow and my boyfriend decided to share with me how he thinks I’m weak. Weak for being upset when we end and calling him back. Weak in general

So my gf of 4 years broke up with me 7 months ago. It is still incredibly painful and I'm pretty depressed.

I decided to give dating a try again around 3 months ago and I tried dating apps. It's been a horrible experience, almost no likes and matches and getting ghosted.

It genuinely makes me feel like I blew my last chance to be loved. There must be something very wrong with me seriously.

A thing that also really bugs me is that she found a new bf immediately after the break up. It's a guy she was texting when we were still together (found out about it after the breakup), so she most likely cheated, if not physically then definitely emotionally.

Like this situation makes me so angry and sad. Why did she manage to get into a happy relationship quickly while I struggle? It just feels so unfair.