I'm 28 and I started 1 month ago to have some negative and compulsive thoughts. I don't have a bad relationship with my body and I'm not a disciplined person, actually I'm the opposite, but since I started a restrictive diet I feel like finally I can be that girl who is oriented to the goal. I don't care if it's unhealthy. I just want to reduce the intake until when I'll have total control on my body and my temptations.

I wonder if someone relates with these thoughts...

hi I've been diagnosed with hashimotos for about two years now and I've struggled with ED for a while. I'm currently doing really well for myself, thanks to the medical intervention I've been able to recieve

My mom and aunt who I live with would always say that my thyroid disease isn't that bad, and its nothing compared to theirs, and I didn't get help until I got hashitoxicosis my junior year of HS and needed immediate medical evaluation after years of my doctor telling them.

My mom also just denies and downplays any mental health issue i've got going on, including my ed that she will correct me by saying "if anything, you have disordered eating" (which like ok but if symptom goes on for like a decade, you tell me, is it a disease then?)

In getting my hashimotos diagnosis I knew that I had to take recovery seriously after years of trying to manage my ED and ED recovery on my own

I can elaborate in the comments if needed, but I'm mainly writing to see if anyone else has had the same or similar experience and talk about that.

thank you!

Hi everyone. I've recently come to the realization that I need to seek help for an eating disorder. At first it was "fine" but now I struggle with my physical strength, memory loss, and other cognitive issues. Where do I even begin to start seeking help? I've been struggling with this for the past five years and I'm beginning to fear I've caused irreversible damage to myself. Any help at all is appreciated!

This is really stupid, i feel embarrassed even posting this lol! I didn't even drink the whole thing, i just sipped a few sips from it. I'm only freaking out because i'm a water drinker, and the coffee i had, i added oatmilk and a little coffee creamer, now i'm freaking out and regretting it because it was slightly sweetened. I just wanted to wake up a bit and not feel so brainfogged. How do i just go about my day and not give a fuck?

I struggle with my weight and comes that is binge eating that I do, it’s incredibly embarrassing and unfortunately I binge on stuff that is of course unhealthy. The problem is when I try to get better and eat better I can’t, I just don’t enjoy the food and I feel miserable. How can I get over that? Why do I even experience that feeling? I feel defeated every time I try and fail again after telling people around me I’ll get better.

TW!! There is no tag for actually upsetting topic but trigger warning

I was diagnosed with anorexia back in March and I have been in outpatient recovery since then. But I am so resistant to recovery. I have an eating plan but I still hide food when I can. I don't want to put in the effort to recover. There's no point. Why should I put in the effort for a life I hardly want? The eating disorder has got me out of school, that's great. It has stopped me from seeing my dad which is even better. And if anything, I've developed closer friendships in the last few months than ever before. Everybody is waiting for something to click inside me but I don't think it's going to. And when it does, I'll probably act on my suicidal thoughts. I actually like my body now. I really fucking love it. I love it so much. I don't want to change it. Why should I? I'm not even suffering from any health complications from it. For once I actually like myself and now they're forcing me to change

I've been recovering from long-ish-term malnutrition for around six months. And I've mostly gotten past the psychological issues of eating and am now working on regaining my appetite. I want to be getting the proper amounts of nutrients without overdoing of course in this stage. And educating myself on the nutrients i should be giving myself has been beneficial for my recovery somehow (maybe because it feels like progress im not sure) so i looked into getting a nutritionist or someone like that and i just can't afford it. Especially after the therapy i practically put myself in debt to get better. So I need alternative ways to stay on track. ive been looking into different apps but I'm not sure if thats a good method for this type of thing. so if anyone has advice on either an app or some way I can do this without bankruptcy, that would be nice.

I feel crazy :C does anyone else struggle with this?

for reference we have been together for 7 years, also married.

he’s been unfaithful, cheating, aswell as his likes have always revolved around underweight girls.

I relapsed in my recovering due to infidelity, the thought of being at a certain weight is all I can think about. i’ve expressed this to him aswell, and he honestly encourages it, without saying it. he knows i’ve been in an active relapse, he even comments about how I am looking better. he has not once encouraged or tried to help me, there is alot more to this story but i’m keeping it vague lol… i just simply have to know if anyone has gone through this?

I have had disordered eating for the past few years but i cant tell if i have a disorder and should seek out help. So for as long as i can remember i have had body image issues (body dysmorphia and such) but i never really thought that was out of the ordinary, Im still in high school and very insecure. But this year i met the only person i have ever felt close enough to talk to about how i find my reflection repulsing and how i used to binge then purge a lot. I know its bad for me and i have recovered so much sense the worst of it, but when i tell him these things he becomes really concerned. I love my boyfriend and he's the only person i feel close enough to talk to about it but idk how to stop body checking and calorie counting. I don't know if i need to go see like a therapist or something i don't really trust dietitians (my mom is one and she kinda started the disordered eating habits for me at least) should i go see a professional for this. I didn't know it was that bad. if i could get some advice that would be amazing.

Really struggling with eating more food daily and constantly fall short of calorie targets because I get scared to have snacks to top me up on calories as I don’t track my macros so don’t feel like it’s okay for me eat snacks so restrict the amount I can have

I guess what I’m asking is in eating disorder recovery just how much does macros matter or is it just the case of eat whatever you can to hit goals no matter when or what?

Any advice and tips would be amazing

I know that eating disorders are just a delicate subject, so I was wondering if a dietitian was more harm than help in some cases

I work in a small supermarket in a student-heavy area (UK). I've noticed this customer that comes in at least every other day, sometimes multiple times a day.

She looks quite underweight but she's always in here buying LOADS of food - like enough for multiple people for a week. But as well as that, she'll always buy 1 or 2 boxes of laxatives at a time, which is worrying bcs she's in here so often buying them ?? The other day i wanted to see if i could notice anything, and she does have marks on her knuckles but i guess they could be from anything ?? Other than that i don't have much to go off except for how ill she looks, but again i don't want to assume.

Idk if im being paranoid because ive known people with bulimia but it all just seems a bit off. Is there anything i can do ??

37 yr old male here. I need help. For the last ten or so years of my life I severely avoid eating until about 10pm each day, and then I binge. I am scared to eat because if I do something bad will happen. I only eat when I know that everyone else is asleep, I cant be reached, and when I feel psychplogically safe enough to do so. Its causing me issues after work, keep getting dizzy spells, feel physically exhausted all the time. Its starting to stress me out, ive tried to eat during the day but i get so full of fear and panic that I end up just not trying to eat, it is so much easier for me when I feel starved. I need help i dont know where to go or who to talk to

Im just at my wits end by now, I've just been extremely stressed with school and I've been binging nonstop for the part two weeks or more. Today I was just standing Infront of a cake and debating whether to binge on it and you can guess what happened. I just feel like whatever I try to do I can never win this battle and the "just go on a walk" or "text a friend" is bullshit and can't do shit when my problem is I can't walk away. If anyone has gone through this situation before please lend me your knowledge cuz I can't with this anymore 😭

hello! i’m 17 F and i struggled with anorexia for many years and been in and out of treatment for it. i grew up overweight and got bullied a lot for it and then when i entered high school, i developed anorexia. it’s absolutely ruined my life. i don’t go to in person school anymore, i don’t have friends, i’ve developed co-occurring mental illnesses from it, and i barely leave my house. i almost lost my life to it last year so i finally wanted to get better for myself, but i didn’t do it with any guidance because my parents said they didn’t want to spend any more money on professional help. the past year and a half, i’ve gained a lot of weight. like way more than i’m comfortable with and i’ve become a bullying target again. the ED voice definitely is still in my head and it makes me feel dumb when i say i struggle with eating when it definitely doesn’t look like i do. i want to lose weight but i know how easy it is to slip back into unhealthy habits. i keep telling myself that I’m stronger than this, but there’s a part of he that is scared it’ll get bad again if i even attempt to lose weight. i’m reaching out here to see if anyone has any advice or guidance for a situation like this.

Hi, so this is my first post on this site. So I have been trying to heal myself from binge and purge cycle for a long period of time but always unsuccessful due to me doing it half heartedly and not enough self control/determination . However, im trying really hard this time to progress my recovery cuz I hate my life being like this. After going through what triggers my binge and purge mostly, I found 3 main points that kind of hindering my progress

First, due to my bad mindset of all or nothing, if something did not go to plan accordingly, I tend to binge and purge with the thought of starting clean tmr.

Second, after a meal, I tend to feel so uncomfortably full for 3-4 hours and it made me panic and stress, which led to a purge then led to a binge and purge after.

Last, I still count calories and still had restriction habits, which then led me to an urge but also, if I eat a food without calorie label or high calorie, I tend to panic and feel out of control. Thus, binge and purge again.

The time that I probably did not binge and purge at all was when I was out with my friends or on vacation. However, the moment I step home, I tend to binge and purge.

Also, being tired all the time (sore body) lead me to craving food that will trigger the cycle for sure.
Anyone experiencing something like this and jf so, any advise or practice I could use to help me through this recovery journey. Im really tired of it.

My friend, who was once anemic, is back to struggling with food after an accident. I'm very uneducated about this stuff. Does anyone have any advice how to help with nausea and getting back into eating normally?

Hola a todos. Me cuesta bastante escribir esto, pero necesito desahogarme y hablar con personas que puedan entender lo que estoy viviendo.
Llevo aproximadamente 4 o 5 años lidiando con trastornos alimentarios, concretamente anorexia y bulimia nerviosa. Estuve en tratamiento, pero mi situación cambió cuando me mudé a otro país y no continué con él. Desde entonces, siento que estoy intentando manejar todo esto por mi cuenta, y últimamente las cosas se están complicando bastante.
Mi relación con la comida vuelve a preocuparme mucho. Estoy teniendo episodios de atracones en los que siento que pierdo el control. Me dan unas ganas muy intensas de comer, empiezo a comprar comida y me cuesta detenerme. No siento que sea simplemente tener hambre o disfrutar de la comida, sino algo que a veces parece estar fuera de mi control.
También estoy vomitando dos o tres veces al día. Me preocupa muchísimo porque sé que no es normal ni saludable, y me asusta volver a caer en los mismos patrones de los que intenté salir hace años.
Hoy, por ejemplo, he calculado que he consumido aproximadamente entre 3.500 y 4.000 calorías, aunque no sé si el cálculo es exacto. Lo menciono porque me cuesta mucho manejar lo que siento después de comer y porque vuelvo a prestar demasiada atención a las cantidades y las calorías.
También tengo muchas preocupaciones relacionadas con mi cuerpo. Me fijo en la grasa que tengo en determinadas zonas, en cómo se ven mis brazos y en los cambios de mi apariencia. Incluso cuando tengo músculo, me preocupa la piel o el tejido que se mueve cuando muevo los brazos. Son cosas que quizá otras personas ni siquiera notarían, pero que a mí me generan inseguridad.
Siento que mi cabeza vuelve a estar demasiado pendiente de la comida, de mi cuerpo y de lo que debería o no debería comer. Es agotador sentir que algo que debería ser tan natural como alimentarse se convierte en una lucha constante.
Lo más difícil es que ahora vivo en otro país y no continué el tratamiento que había empezado. No sé muy bien cómo buscar ayuda en mi situación actual ni cómo explicar lo que me está pasando. A veces me pregunto si estoy volviendo al punto del que tanto me costó salir.
No escribo esto buscando que alguien me diga qué dieta seguir, cómo adelgazar o cómo compensar lo que como. Necesito escuchar a personas que hayan pasado por algo parecido y que puedan entender lo difícil que es vivir con estos pensamientos.
Me gustaría saber si alguien ha pasado por una situación similar después de haber recibido tratamiento. ¿Han sentido que volvían a recaer años después? ¿Cómo consiguieron pedir ayuda de nuevo? ¿Qué les ayudó a romper el ciclo de los atracones y los vómitos?
Me da miedo que esto vuelva a convertirse en una parte dominante de mi vida. Quiero poder comer sin sentir que estoy luchando contra mí misma y dejar de vivir tan pendiente de mi cuerpo.
Gracias a cualquiera que se tome el tiempo de leerme o compartir su experiencia. De verdad me ayudaría sentir que no soy la única que está pasando por esto.

I'm an anorexic of 20 years in recovery right now. Before that I had BED for years, then bulimia. I've been at so many places in my life with many different addictions so I empathise with alot of you.

The only way I was able to cure my food addiction was by beginning another very harmful addiction (nicotine), which led to anorexia and a cycle of it which I was never able to fix, even for the most morally motivating reasons. It was no longer about being thin.

I'm also trying to quit nicotine as it is mostly how my anorexia is able to continue. I'm a mother now and would hate to be around my children with these behaviours which are so shameful to me.

Last time I had a healthy relationship with food was when I was 11. i'm 36, and i'm a completely different person. I don't even remember what it was like.

Would love to hear how you are attempting to recover, or have recovered.

I just want to know, if you’re recovered/in recovery, what’s worked for you?
Literally anything- practical advice, routines, food habits, affirmations/things you keep in mind, absolutely anything at all, whatever disorder(s) you’ve been through.
Even if it feels like something small when you actually type it up, or even if you feel like you’re not ‘doing well in recovery’ i want to hear it all!
Just, if you feel like something has helped you in your journey in any way, please share it.
I’m really struggling and I just feel so lost at the moment, I could really do with some advice and shared experience of other people in similar situations. This illness fucking sucks, and I hate everything about myself but I can’t always bring myself to try my hardest which is what makes me fail every time.
I hope other people are doing better than I am at the moment.

I already posted this in a more specific community, but I wanted to post it here too just to hear more perspectives!
(I hope thats allowed)

I’ve been struggling with AN for around 9 years now. I’m 17, and this is probably my third time relapsing, and I’ve been relapsed for around a year now. But lately, after reaching my “goal weight,” I eat what I want, I barely get disordered thoughts anymore, and I barely feel guilty. I’m just scared shitless of gaining any weight, but I don’t really like giving it much thought. I feel like I’m only experiencing some of the physical symptoms of AN. Obviously, the thoughts do still linger sometimes but they aren’t nearly as bad as they were before, and I don’t obsess over food like I did before. I know that when I was struggling with this disorder the most, I’d wish over and over to get rid of these thoughts, and now, when the ED thoughts are finally (mostly) gone, I’m just kind of…confused. And sometimes I feel like I’m invalid.

I live in Australia, and have an eating disorder.

I have struggled with this ED for years, however I am much better now. I no longer have a bad relationship with food, however I still struggle with my body image, and regularly think about going back into bad habits. My situation was that I knew what I was doing to myself, and I did it anyway, I pushed myself anyway, and it was never enough.

I have since gained weight, not medically obese, but I'm bigger than I've been in my entire lifetime. For the first time in my life, i was told i have fatty liver and insulin resistance, but not diabetic.

I was immediately perscribed a GLP 1 to lose weight and help insulin.

i asked for a second opinion from another gp, explaining my ED, and that Im not confident or comfortable in taking GLP 1. They just said it is a tool, and it works well.

I asked my psych, my dietition and even my personal trainer, and they all agreed that without an actual plan, a goal and support, GLP 1 is not for me.

i know that if i see the scale go down, it will trigger me, i dont believe it will end with the set goal, i feel like i will misuse and abuse it. i'll know what i am doing to myself and do it anyway.

why was it so easy to get a prescription?

i know im not physically struggling with my ED, but it is still a mental and emotional struggle that still actively affects me.

when your anorexia is gone away like how can i notice that its gone? or would it even be gone, isnt it like that some of its part stays with you forever? I gained my period back but i still think that some of it is still with me, i'm worried that i could come back to me. So if sb knows please tell me when i should be sure that its gone?

Hey im f20, my ED has recently gotten really bad. I've gained some weight, and on top of that, I'm a full-time university student with a lot of responsibilities, so I get overwhelmed pretty easily, which doesn't help. I've also noticed that I keep drinking because I feel sad. I'm not even overweight, but it just feels like everything is piling up at once (my ED, family issues, living on my own, etc.). I drink every weekend, which I know isn't anything crazy for a university student, but the problem is that I drink because, for a little while I feel so much better. I stop overthinking everything and just feel calm. I also smoke weed for pretty much the same reason. I was always scared of 'harder' drugs but now I feel like im becoming desperate. Recently, some of my friends were talking about how amphetamines and coke made them skinny. I got triggered. I know where they're buying it and honestly it wouldn't be difficult for me to get some either. I know how risky that is but I've genuinely been struggling so much lately that part of me just wants to numb everything. I feel like I have no one to talk to and I genuinely don't know what to do with myself anymore. I can't really talk to my family because they're not supportive. Something I've noticed recently is that I'll sometimes go the entire day without eating anything, just so I can drink later because alcohol makes me feel. I honestly don't know how to cope anymore. I'm aware that using to deal with my problems is risky. I feel so overwhelmed that I don't even know where to start I just needed to share it somewhere.

EDIT: I'm not in the US or Canada, btw. I'm in Europe but going to the doctors/psychologist is also hard. Waiting time is extreme and they tell u 'drink water, eat healthier, go to the gym'

looking for advice
context: i have been in anorexia recovery on and off for a couple of years. i was forced into recovery when i was admitted to the hospital then residential and outpatient for 1 and half years. after that i relapsed. a while later my friend helped me get into weightlifting and it actually did help me want to get stronger and eat more. which brings us to today. for the past couple of weeks i have felt super uncomfortable in my body. i’ve noticed the weight gain but it didn’t bother me so much until now. i feel puffy and bloated everywhere and my face feels so different i feel like i don’t even recognize myself anymore. the past couple of days have been very hard just with body image and also some other stressful factors in my life and ive noticed myself skipping meals on purpose and not feeling full all the time and eating less feels so much better to me. i have two contradicting voices in my mind where one knows i need to be eating more to get healthier, get my period back, get stronger, and for my body to just work and for the weight to actually redistribute, but then the other side of me just wants to go back to my old ways and feel numb and just feel skinnier and in control and show that i am not doing good.

anyways this whole post is bc i have been planning my days in advance to where i purposefully skip meals and i know this is bad but i don’t know how to stop it or how to change my mindset and i really need advice. im scared to relapse but i feel it coming and i will let it happen if i don’t change something.

treatment did not help me and honestly made me worse. i just need others advice and help.