Dear BPD sufferers, what kind of medication did help ease your BPD symptoms. Anyone with SI and what treatment did help to reduce the symptoms.
Sharing your experiences is highly appreciated

i recently got diagnosed with bpd and ive realized a huge pattern. everywhere my mom goes, usually (online) support groups, act as areas for friends, partners and family of someone with bpd to find understand while coping themselves. among diving deeper, you usually find its an echochamber of people spreading harmful stereotypes of people with bpd, usually that they feel no remorse, always are abusive, and should never be given chances even with therapy. even worse, ive tried to spread information from the dsm5 to a couple of these spaces because of how misinformed they tend to be, only to find they have rules against people with bpd being there? if youre there to help people with bpd and their relatives and friends, why cant they be there? we are seeing through your shit 😭

It's easy, right? Everyone does it. What's there to be afraid of? Lose a friend, just make a new one. Lose a partner, go ahead and cry for a few days. You'll get over it soon enough. You just have to let go.

I wish it was that easy for me. I wish I could just let go the way everyone else does. It's never the same between us. I have to ante up far more than you and far more than you'll ever know.

Sometimes the rage I feel is maddening. Worse, it's not even seen as valid. It makes me a mockery.

​

I’m a F29, and I’ve been through a few relationships, which has allowed me to recognize a pattern: I always seem to lose my spark when I’m in a relationship. Some of those relationships were unhealthy, while others weren’t.

After being in unhealthy relationships and now being with someone who is genuinely great, I’m starting to realize that I might be the problem, and BPD doesn’t exactly help either. I don’t know if it has to do with my diagnosis, but I feel like my identity starts to dissolve when I’m with someone. Everything becomes about the other person, and my sense of self seems to depend on what’s happening in their life and what they do or don’t do for me.

I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year. We’re long-distance, but we see each other every two weeks, sometimes even more often, since we don’t live that far apart.

Once again, I’ve noticed that my spark is fading, and I don’t think he’s the one causing it, as might happen in an abusive relationship. He’s supportive, makes me feel valued, is attentive and caring, and constantly encourages me to maintain my individuality.

I guess you could describe me as a functional emotional dependent, lol, because I don’t stop pursuing my hobbies, doing things on my own, or spending quality time with other people. I go to therapy, exercise, and take my medication. The problem is that even when I make an effort to maintain my individuality, I’m not fully present in it because, somehow, part of my mind is always on him. I still have fun and exciting moments with my friends, but it feels like it’s just not the same anymore.

This bothers me and makes me angry because I can feel that I’ve lost a part of myself, and I don’t know how to get it back. I’m already doing part of what I know I should be doing, which is not abandoning other areas of my life.

I’ve also noticed that I become extremely needy, and everything that happens in my partner’s life outside our relationship starts to feel like a threat to my own life, as if anything that has nothing to do with us as a couple is somehow a threat to me. I know how problematic this is, and I’m working on it in therapy so that it doesn’t spill over into the relationship or hurt me either. But I’m mentioning it because even something relatively minor happening in his life seems to put me on high alert, and I’ve noticed that this constant state of alertness makes it harder for me to focus on the things I do for myself.

Has anyone else found themselves in a similar situation? Women with BPD who manage to fully maintain their individuality in a relationship, how do you do it?

Im just curious. Ive was diagnosed w bpd a few years ago but my psychiatrist thinks i might have developed it really early. I realise i always go through a big wave of self loathing every time i have an outburst or if i split even if i dont take it out on people. Even if there is no one around and i just crash out, its always followed by this wave of extreme annoyance at myself and then after a few hours i feel all hollow inside. I don’t know many other ppl with bpd so im just curious if anyone goes through something like this and why it happens

without having someone to look forward to things with, to anticipate messages from, to buy gifts for and spend time together, i just feel like theres nothing worth living for. i dont know how to enjoy things on my own, all my hobbies and interests feel so bland. i go to work and i dont have anything i want to spend money on so it feels pointless. i just want someone to spend my life with, to pour my energy into, but i dont think its going to happen.

Well… I got diagnosed with BPD awhile back and nearly went into psychosis over the past week. Ended up going to the Psych ward… way worse than I thought honestly was so fucking scary. But my Psychiatrist told me today in our appointment that I have both bipolar and schizophrenic traits… which is fucking terrifying. Specifically schizoaffective disorder. Fucking incredible. Anyone have both here?

Hi, friends! ^>^ I hope you can envision the title the way that I do, which is a little strawberry cupcake with chocolate frosting, topped with edible glitter, and there's a little plastic umbrella in the center with a shiny pink top! The parts can have any assortment of colors/flavors you want, but hopefully that's helpful to set the stage for how I mean this post to come across to you.

I know it can be really rough out there, between cost of living crises and housing crises and employment crises and personal crises. I know you're probably tired, and maybe a little angry, and probably really sad. I hope that you can picture me handing you that cupcake and maybe a cup of juice or tea or coffee, and I hope you can hear my voice being gentle and kind when I tell you: I know you've done your best recently! I can understand where and why it would feel like everything sucks and you're failing. And you know what, most everything does suck right now, and you might be failing at some things because everyone fails at some things. I'm just really glad that you're alive! I'm glad that you're here and trying to build a life you love.

Recently, I've started to remind myself more and more frequently to make a list every day of things I accomplished that day. I make the list at the end of the day, and I try to include concrete things like going to work as well as more abstract things like managing my emotions. I bet, if you made a list of a few things you got done today, you would be surprised at how many things are actually on there! You're probably doing a little more than you think. I bet your friends and coworkers and neighbors have at least one nice thing to say about you. If you'd like, comment something here that you got done today! I'd love to see what you're proud of yourself for accomplishing, even if it feels very small or very insignificant. I'm so happy that you clicked on this post and I'm looking forward to hearing about what you've done! I'll go first, then - today, I realized when I was feeling weird emotionally and instead of bottling it up, I asked for a hug.

Okay, let 'er rip! Tell me a few things you accomplished today, no matter how small they feel ^>^

So, I feel like asking the blind to lead the blind here, but I can't ask anyone "normal" I know for relationship advice.

I've been with my current partner 6 months now. I genuinely believe with my full heart that they're The One.

Ok, I don't literally believe in soulmates or the concept of The One, I know that relationships take work and choosing each other again and again vs romantic destiny. But this person FEELS like The One I want to devote the rest of my life to trying to be the best person I can be for them.

I've never felt this way about anyone before. I thought I was going to marry the first person I dated when I was a teenager but... I don't think that really counts, it wasn't realistic at all. Everyone else I've dated, I've failed to feel this same level of belonging with them. Even when I had put a lot of effort into trying to make a relationship work. We weren't the right fit for each other.

I am fucking terrified of blowing this up. I can feel my BPD symptoms, attachment wounds, relationship insecurities ramping up the more serious the relationship becomes. I feel like an accidental liar. When we first got together, I was "the chill girlfriend." I knew we had a lot of potential issues but decided to just go with the flow and see where the relationship takes us. My partner really admired this attitude of mine.

But then my feelings and attachment got deeper and deeper, the thought of losing them feels like it'll absolutely kill me vs something I can shrug and move on from. We are talking seriously about our future commitments together, even discussing the possibility of marriage and retiring together. Stuff that would normally give me the ick and make me feel engulfed but with this person, I want nothing more than these fantasies to come true.

But I also feel psychotic sometimes. Like there's a split personality inside me who sometimes obsesses over our incompatibilities, and convinces me that it'll never work out and I'm stupid for getting my hopes up. This demon inside me wants to convince me that they're gonna leave me, so I should leave them first. That they don't actually care about me and they're just going through the motions. Or, they do actually believe they love me, but if they got to know the real me then they'd stop. I fantasize about breaking up right now almost as often as I fantasize about growing old together. It just depends on my mood. I am extremely sensitive to conflict and I don't think I have the skills to maintain a relationship at this rate.

It's. Terrifying. Because when it's good, it's so so good. I can't imagine my life without them and the thought alone makes me panic. But when it's bad it feels intolerable and I just want to throw a tantrum and destroy the relationship out of protest for making me feel this way. I know most of my insecurities are irrational. But I blow the genuine issues way out of proportion, making it difficult for us to actually work on them. And we both have a history of trauma and accidentally trigger each other.

I want this to work out so bad. I feel like, this is "It" for me. If I can't make this work, then nothing ever will. I'll be alone forever. And I tell myself this is an irrational thought, but I can't help feeling it.

I'm trying so hard. I'm in therapy, trauma focused. I've done several rounds of DBT and refresh myself by using the DBT workbook. I try to use other mindfulness skills. I am working on my communication. But I can't control this "demon" inside me that wants to burn everything to the ground. I'm scared it's gonna win one day.

Hey y’all, so I’ve been seeing this new therapist for about a month now and we’ve discussed my hallucinations. Shadow figures, hallucinations of people saying my name, whispering, things of that nature. Right now we’re trying to track how often they are since I’m not very reliable at remembering, but they’re often enough where they’re just part of my normal. She wants me to start speaking to them to see if that will reduce their frequency. For example saying “I’m safe you’re not needed here” as she believes it’s my brain trying to soothe or “protect” me. I was taken by surprise as I thought that was kind of the opposite of what you’re supposed to do? I usually just ignore them as it’s very normal for me.

What is everyone’s experience with counselling/therapy? Ive always been scared however my mental health has taken a decline and i am unwell again, i know we cant cure BPD but has therapy made a difference to anyone?

I don’t know if it’s common but there’s a lot of time where this type of situation happened to me. I’ve dated many people that i thought i was in love with but then realized later i only saw them as friends while still being my favorite person. I often start to overthink about my feelings when i get very close to someone and i just say to myself that its because i have a crush on them. unfortunatly i ended up hurting a lot of people when i broke up with them but i was still trying everything to keep them in my life as friends. is there a way i can stop doing that ?

I felt fine for 5 or 6 days now I feel like garbage.
I’m in a partial hospitalization program and my psych nurse said when I started they were evaluating me to see if I have BPD or not.

Today she gave me the diagnosis I guess.
I honestly have no clue how to feel.
I read posts about it on subreddits and I feel like garbage a little bit. Especially because people shame it.
I’m not happy right now. I’m scared I’m being misdiagnosed or something but I’ve been in this program for 2 months and I’ve seen her 2 times a week at least. And I’m also being very honest about how I feel and such.

I don’t know man.

Curious as to everyone’s story. I always knew something was different/ not right. Diagnosed at 27 after a guy I was seeing broke up with me and another guy dumped me. I took too many pills survived then always struggled when emptiness lack or career purpose suicidality extreme sensitivity and impulsivity

Like, let's say hypothetically that you know you have bpd and you're going to do what you need to do to treat it either way.

I've seen so many therapists who seemed very reluctant to diagnose BPD (citing stigma, supposedly medical discrimination(?), the tendency for people to lean into preconceptions and actually do worse than they were, and pointing out that the recommended treatment for bpd is essentially the same anyway).

Is being diagnosed really worse? Is it better? Did I screw myself over by getting diagnosed? I know I have BPD, no doubt about it. I guess I'm worried that everything will be harder/worse just because I was diagnosed.

I ended a 10 years relationship 2 months ago. It was an impulsive tought. Been tired of been accused of things that I havent done and I asked many times for my ex to not call me anything before making sure that it was true. She did it and I exoloded and ask her to apologize, she didnt and I took my stuff and left. After 1 month I came back asking for us to try again but she told me she has met someone and that she would never come back to a place where she has experienced so much pain. I took the bullet and left. I know I broke up with her but I also couldn't understand why I did it.

For the past 10 years Ive been looking for psicológical help. I could feel that the way I was experimenting life was very different from everyone around me. A lot of emotions, fear, complicated relationships and friends among other things. My ex helped me a lot to regain trust on myself after hitting rock bottom and trying to harm myself. She stayed with me and we had an explosive and passionate relationship...but that faded. I started to pull away and I wouldnt understand why. We began a cycle of breaking up and coming back around 3 years ago.

In January I started a program where the state committed to find out what my issue was after another attempt to harm myself. Fast forward 2 weeks ago. My psicologist diagnosed me with BPD. I've never heard of it. Never met anyone that has it. I went frantically into research mode while I was trying to keep myself alive from the pain of the breakup.

Very quickly I noticed all the patterns that I have been doing through my life and how it matched the diagnose. That gave me a lot of peace. I finally got an answer after 10 years! I talked to my parents, my family and closest friends about it and they all did some research and later agreed with the diagnose. In two weeks I felt I came to understand myself much more that the previous 10 years and I was finally feeling there was hope.

But then I got the urge to contact my ex to tell her that I finally got a diagnose. The idea has been burning in my head for two days. I finally asked a friend to ask if it was OK to receive a message from me, she accepted. I asked for a meeting so I could tell her my diagnose. She agreed only with the condition that we would not be alone. Almost inmediatly after she agreed I went into a spiral... What if she gets to know and she hates me more? What would happen when she tells all our common friends? Will I be rejected? Got so much fear and now I'm thinking on canceling the appointment and just never speak again with her but the idea hurts so much. Anyways... I'm not sure if I want advice or just needed to vent but any opinion would be really appreciated.

*TW - SI*

I have a hard time forgiving myself whenever I make mistakes. In my brain, they’re amplified. Logically, I can understand that everyone makes mistakes but emotionally I cannot hold myself to that standard.

In my mind, if I made a mistake it means that I ruined everything, that I am the mistake. If I hurt someone, it means that I cause pain to those around me, and that I shouldn’t exist. If I’m in a bad mood, it means I’m a downer and no one should have to deal with being around me.

Ultimately, I feel like a burden. And I hate feeling like this, it makes me want to end my life because I can’t seem to find the balance.

The worst part of BPD for me, is that I feel like a broken and flawed person. I feel like my entire existence will just be me fighting against the brain I was born with.

Does anyone feel the same? Any words of advice or support?

Hello guys. I been with a girlfriend for 2 years, she has quiet bpd and it was amazing till she started new year in school. I just wanna know from your perspective, why she started hating me and started hanging out with same people that were bad to her?

In our relationship she had a problem that she had very bad friends, and she had period where she changed her behavior, mirror them etc. After we almost broke up, she started avoiding them and her new bestfriend that i think was her FP at the time was mean to her, didnt help her when she felt sad cause we almost broke up and she stopped talking to her. She started hating her, all people that were hanging out with her started being mean and rude. I was the one that hold her everytime she cried for that and everytime she felt bad.

After few months, she started dtb for me and actually started accepting her self, she felt pretty she didnt use make up that much and she always did that. She started being much more happy everyone around could see it.

But then everything started falling apart. We had best 3 months when school was out for summer, she was so so so happy its crazy. We travel, we been eating good food spent time together almost started living together.

Then she started going in new year, and she said she feel pressured from me, i said she dont need to just be honest with who you talking to and its all good. (she lied a lot before that so thats why i said it) She started being more angry on me for some small things, stopped texting so much when she was in school as like she was diffrent person.

I asked her honestly did she started talking with someone new, she said no and she wants space. I gave her space, then she came back and said she cant live without me. Then everything was good, then some text came and i seen she been actually hanging out a lot with girl that was so bad to her and started smoking again.

And now, she didnt even try to explain or save this. She just said we need to break up and she dont feel nothing to me (i know its a split but still) Then few days have gone, she always came back to talk with me we had amazing day and then she always end it with ( i love you so much but we cant see each other ever again i will fall in love with you again and i cant i dont want to do this)

One month before we broke up, i heard from her friend that she said with smile on her face she cant wait for us to broke up, and then she said she is scared of me???? Like what? And we had amazing day THAT exact day?

She also said she feel so much resent for me, that she hates me and hates how much she loves me. But she dont for people that said sht behind her back? I am really loss for words. I REALLY need advice guys. I really do. I really need someone to tell me what was going on here, please. It would really help me out

I’ve spent my whole life throwing myself from one relationship to the next and of course each one ends in flames. Everyone says I need to learn to be alone, to love myself, to be able to be my own person.

I’m not sure who I am anymore since the last two decades have revolved around whatever fp I was with at the time. Even now after an all time low, all I can think of is running back to my fp even if it costs me my life. I feel like an addict headed toward my doom knowingly.

I know I have little if any love for myself, but I truly don’t know where to begin or even believe I am worthy of it. I have managed to lose the majority of my personal relationships and at 37 it is painful to think that I have to start all over again.

I received a diagnosis about two years and have never been on medication. Did two cycles of DBT. Any suggestions that worked for you in building self love and removing yourself from the cycle of toxic attachment would be really appreciated.

I often find myself reading my journals, diaries, old school notebooks, book annotations, or looking through my phone gallery and instagram archive. I do it at least 4-5 days a week. It messes with my day-to-day functionality, makes me live in the past more than in the present, makes it harder to move on from people that I no longer talk to, and reminds me of terrible things I've said and done to people. I generally do it bc something triggered a certain memory and I end up going down the rabbit hole of checking everything, or when I feel like I don't know who I am, so I have to rely on my past memories to know what I like and how I feel about things. Does anyone else relate? And how do you manage this?

Is anyone else hella empty and want to chat and befriend each other? In other subreddits, 99.99% of the time it just attracts horny men who don’t even read the content of your post, so maybe there would be some form of shared experience/understanding here. If you’re around my age (19) hmu (especially if you can command a conversation, cause I don’t have much faith in myself, welp)