Who else here thinks they were misdiagnosed and actually just have real bad PTSD and a history instead of BPD? I don't even meet the criteria anymore and yet, people said I'd be like evil or damaged forever. I really don't feel that way. I feel like a woman who couldn't be her authentic self in a fascist/authoritarian state, who never saw a successful relationship so she settled for...a guy who treated her like garbage, emotionally. My eyes are open. The systems around me were broken, not me. I hope others feel this way. Do you?

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Hi, I’m m27 and I’m from Germany. I’m a nurse and was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder a year ago. I spent a total of six months in an open ward and am looking for people who’d like to chat. I love documentaries, enjoy doing yoga and meditating, love football, and enjoy going to cafés and reading.

Hey y’all, so I’ve been seeing this new therapist for about a month now and we’ve discussed my hallucinations. Shadow figures, hallucinations of people saying my name, whispering, things of that nature. Right now we’re trying to track how often they are since I’m not very reliable at remembering, but they’re often enough where they’re just part of my normal. She wants me to start speaking to them to see if that will reduce their frequency. For example saying “I’m safe you’re not needed here” as she believes it’s my brain trying to soothe or “protect” me. I was taken by surprise as I thought that was kind of the opposite of what you’re supposed to do? I usually just ignore them as it’s very normal for me.

My psychiatrist told me I displayed BPD behaviors and traits. I sensed they were very careful with their wording, which I suspect was because they didn't want me to form a preconceived notion about myself. Then they explicitly said that they're not giving me an "official" diagnosis or putting it in my records, because they "don't usually hand out BPD diagnoses". I understand these efforts are to protect me from stigma and medical discrimination, but their entire vagueness has left me more confused than when I entered their office. They didn't tell me if I was subclinical, or if I met the threshold, or even what behaviors/traits I was exhibiting (which I guess I can find out with a bit of research, but I'd feel better hearing it from a psychiatrist). So do I have a personality disorder or not?? What does this mean for me? What implications does this have about me? How do I understand myself, what do I do now???

I (33F) woke up today feeling motivated and was On my way To the gym when my bf mentioned how his ride situation got messed up. Rather than letting him figure it out on his own, I stayed behind to drop him off to his destination and offered to pick him back up after work. While he was getting ready, his nose ring got stuck/pulled off his nose and he was in pain. I went downstairs to try to help but obv he was in pain and I didn’t want to injure him more. He was so frustrated and letting out curse words and grunts. He couldn’t get the corkscrew earring back in. I felt his energy rubbing off on me (maybe I was overstimulated at that point?) so I went upstairs to finish prepping bfast. He called me back down but it was still the same - him wincing and me being unable to help so I told him to call his tattoo artist cause maybe they can help!

While he is calling, I look up YouTube videos. I go downstairs to try to help after his phone call and at my last attempt, he just threw the towel in, but in a way that felt rejecting. I went upstairs to eat, since I was going to the gym after dropping him off, and he came up all CALM AND ASKED ME WHY I WAS UPSET and to calm down (he gestured with his hand).

But I was calm, the whole time up until the end. HE was the one with such chaotic energy. I totally understand that he was frustrated, but I can’t explain how “tantrum-y” the frustration was. In the end I walked out the house shaking my head. I’m driving him to his destination and we go back and forth about why I was frustrated but I’m trying to explain that I wasn’t and it was his energy that rubbed off on me. We missed the turn, I had to make a U-turn but I was stepping on the gas and braking hard (I know yall, atp I’m 100% in the wrong). The whole way I’m replaying the situation in my head cause there’s no way I’m angry for no reason?? We get there and he says “okay bye” and gets out the car without kissing me goodbye and I WASSSSS SHOOK. So I said “wow, is this what we’re doing now? Ok..”. Then I got in trouble for him going in for a kiss AFTER I said something, but rejecting it.

As I write this it now sounds like I’m the one throwing the tantrum. And I understand that he is allowed to be frustrated. Why does this feel so unfair - he says he has nothing to apologize for. Then bc I had to drop him off to work I got to the gym later than I usually go and it was packed. So I told him I was going to wait in the car for a bit. He tells me “it feels like a set up”. Insinuating that I did all of this on purpose!?!? I can own up to not allowing him to just be frustrated and not knowing how to handle his energy spilling off on me- I can own that 10000%.. but for him to say he has nothing to apologize for? Pls be honest with me yall, I want to work on myself and I’m ready to hear where I went wrong and what I can do to fix it

TLDR; my bf had a rough morning and was extremely frustrated. I felt the chaos of his frustration and ultimately felt rejected. After that chaos, it took me a while to calm down but he was now acting like I was the one that needs to calm down. I moved my schedule to help him out and in the end ended up losing and having to apologize

I (27f) get these phases sometimes that I thought I finally grew out of where I get so overwhelmingly romantic about nobody in particular. I daydream and fantasize about being a girlfriend to somebody and it sucks.

I have really unrealistic expectations of romance, even since I was a little kid I tried getting into romance. I have this whole idea that I should be with somebody who is my second half or like a soulmate or something.

I've only had one relationship which I'm hesitant to even call legit, since I never felt comfortable enough to be romantic with them. And that's made me feel like a weirdo because it surely seems like I'm utterly incapable of being affectionate towards another person, mainly I would imagine because I'm scared and unable to trust anyone.

Also this is a red flag but, I also feel entitled to a relationship? Even though I don't really know what it would look like, and also I'm mentally incompetent.

And after living in isolation for about half a year now, I thought I was okay and I would be okay with myself, and I would never have to think about anyone else again. It's coming back up again. This stupid urge to find a """Soulmate""" that doesnt' even exist and god forbid they'd have terrible judge of character if they even liked me.

I don't like this, I don't wanna think about it, I want out. I'm crying alone in my dark, decrepit ass apartment like a pathetic loser. People have it way worse than me, yet I can't help but feel sorry for myself because nobody loves me. what a joke

I made a post a couple days ago talking about my ex partner and my situation, how i left her alone and how i handled everything and how everything’s been going for us lately, and she gave me more info as to what’s happened to her in the time that her and i weren’t talking and i feel awful. i feel like no matter how much i study on her BPD, learn about her, love her and become someone better for her, it won’t make up for the amount of pain she’s went through while i wasn’t there to be a wall for her, and it’s killing me. she told me she doesn’t feel for me the way she once did, she even convinced herself that she didn’t like me or love me anymore. which is fine, that’s not what’s kinda killing me. it’s more personal things that she went through that’s killing me. things i don’t feel comfortable talking about here but it’s stuff that i wouldn’t wish upon everyone, and she’s been through it so many times and almost everytime it’s happened, i was never there. and it happened again. i don’t know how i could ever make things right, how i could ever make her feel happy again. how i could ever make up for breaking her, leaving her in pieces. just for me to come back and bring fear in her life that i might do the same thing, that i might up and leave and leave her alone to deal with traumatic experiences alone.

Hello!

My best friend has just recently been broken up with, it was quite a short relationship, they didn’t know each other for very long prior. the relationship itself wasn’t healthy for either of them, and they know that, but they are absolutely distraught.

They are trying to convince themselves that he is going to come back, and they have said that they are only going to be okay once that happens, but i know that he won’t be pursuing them again for their sake & his. i keep receiving messages saying that they can’t eat drink or sleep, & that they will only be able to if he comes back.

Its all really fresh, a few days now, i am usually able to chat with them for a while to distract them & cheer them up a bit, but its only ever temporary as a few hours after our chats, they are back to the same thoughts. It’s so tough to see them like this, they are such a kind and incredible being, i really wish there was more that i could do.

when they are messaging me things like, he’s coming back, i know he is, what should i do or say? it’s hard to know what to say because im not going to give them false hope, but just repeating that they aren’t coming back feels like rubbing salt in a wound because i think they know that deep down. :(

I’ve helped this friend through something similar in the past, but their past ex was incredibly abusive, so it was much easier to say that it was his fault, etc. but this time, they are both incredibly kind people, but it was just harming them both, so it’s really hard to know what to say 😞

I want to be really careful not to encourage any hurtful thoughts, how can i help them get over this? 😔❤️

thank you for reading ❤️

I've been struggeling with starting to journal again to help my BPD... I did it 3 years ago while in a toxic relationship and I know it HELPED me A LOT! but now.... i feeel so insecure about my thoughts... i keep it inside and i explode( bad way).. and I don't know how to get past it and be honest in my journal ( to explkain: i have issue as well to ask for help or tell ppl what is wrong....) so i am stuck in a loop that is my head and i can't get it out and i was wondering how i can finally do it? Can someone give me advice please???

M21, here.

This is a bit of a long story, so I'll try to keep it short.

Five months ago, I started talking to a guy, M22. He told me from the beginning that he has BPD, however, for some reason I did not think to do much research. After over a month of talking, he randomly started ghosting me. While I'm not 100% sure what triggered this, I have a feeling it was because I expressed some disappointment about how we still hadn't had a proper first date. After about a week of ghosting me, he blocked me on everything. It crushed me, but after a while I got over it and accepted the reality that my time with him was over.

Five months later, however, we matched on Bumble. He profusely apologized for abandoning me and said it was because he was very depressed and was essentially trying to protect me from his mental problems. He also claimed that he's in a much better place now and has been actively trying to find me on social media, but couldn't remember my username. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited to have him back in my life, and I ultimately decided to forgive him and give us another shot.

As you can probably guess, the cycle just repeated itself. Despite claiming to be in a better place and promising not to abandon me again, three weeks into reconnecting, we once again had a minor disagreement about trying to schedule a day to see each other. During this disagreement, I expressed that it makes me sad how he's always so busy and has to cancel our dates days before. This was when he stopped responding. After a few days of ghosting, he sent me a message that said, "I just don't have the money to see you right now and it's stressing me out". I tried to reassure him that I'm not mad, but that I would like him to communicate these things to me so we can talk it out. After about a week of more ghosting, I finally expressed how hurt I was by his actions, and how unfair it is for him to shut me out again after promising he was better. His final message to me was "then give up". Before I could respond, he blocked me on everything again.

I'm not sure what to do. A lot of the advice I see online is contradictory. Some people have said to just leave it because he'll probably come back eventually, while others have said that this is probably a test to see if I'll actually "give up" or keep chasing him. I've seen so many people with BPD say that when they shut someone out, they are hoping that person will continue chasing them. I don't want to give up on him. It's been a couple weeks since he blocked me and I still think about him every day, wondering if I'll ever hear from him again.

I would really appreciate some advice on what to do in this situation. I'm sure the most rational thing would be to just let it go and move on, but I still really care about him. I'm not angry with him because I know he has BPD. I just wish there was something I could do. I've contemplated making a second Instagram account to message him and see if he's okay, but I don't want to come off stalkerish.

Ok I am curious to know if anyone (man or woman) has been told that you give off friendship vibes? Like what the hell is that supposed to mean? Like what am I supposed to do? Be a dick or become cold and act like I’m not interested in you? This is now the second time I have ever been told this by a woman. I just had a phone call with someone last night. It seemed to have went really well, especially for talking a whole week and had plans to meet this coming weekend given she had more availability. Anyways, per usual, I get the text this morning that I need to talk to you about something. Honestly, I’m not hurt by her giving me closure but telling me about the whole friendship vibe thing. It bothers me because isn’t that the point of getting to know someone is start off of friends? For fuck sake this is becoming exhausting. Just don’t even bother pursuing me at this point for the love of God. I’m just curious to know if anyone has experienced this before and how does it make you feel?

Today I was describing feeling overwhelmed with issues in my life and like I wanted someone to help me give me answers. I was frantic and helpless. My therapist identified this as the little boy in me who’s scared. But then it was clear there was another part, a cruel, sadistic tormenting part who was criticizing the child. I described it as throwing darts at myself. When I looked up she was so sad for me she almost had tears in her eyes.

I tried to jump to analyzing my feelings but she stopped me and kept me with what was going on.

It’s been almost 2 months since my ex confessed to cheating on me and I still can’t move on. He’s blocked and we’re no contact but I still think about it and think about him almost every moment of every day and at this point I’m just so tired. It sucks because we weren’t even together for that long but I loved him and he was the first person I ever felt serious about. He made me feel safe and was so patient, then he turned around and did this. I’ve come such a long way with my BPD symptoms and I live a normal life, but this has completely destroyed me. I just want to forget about him and move forward. Does it get better? Is it possible to find safe love for people like us??

Hello again everyone,

I recently posted here due to a breakup scenario and it escalated some so I guess I’m just looking to be heard or hear any advice if that’s okay. I hope it is.

A TLDR for the previous post, my partner has untreated BPD, there was a fight regarding me having friends of the opposite sex which I confessed I withheld due to her extreme reactions when I’ve been with friends, same sex as I or no. Lot of breakups, then panic, I am sure you’re familiar with the cycle.

Well, last night they were texting me, confessing they were scared they were regressing and scared of abusing me. But they also kept telling me they wanted to be held, then they called me around 5am and honestly it was just.. Nice. We just chatted, idled away a few hours, laughed and reassured each other. We even fell asleep on call together.

I woke up at 9am to a separate call, it was short and rather cold. Then they simply said “I don’t think we should talk anymore” I was again left very dumbfounded and unsure of what to do. I panicked a bit myself, heated words were exchanged but no insults. They told me I’m not nothing to them and we can be friends, then immediately switched and said that they don’t need me. Before things escalated any further I simply let them know I love them but I can’t enable them any further today, I told them I will unblock them tomorrow as of the 27th and leave that door for communication open.

I guess I’m just very spent, I know the back and forward is to be expected during a split, I thought they’d settled some but bad dreams have always been a huge trigger for them and they said they’d had another involving me. I just don’t know what to do, we’re close to getting her treatment and I so badly want to be with her, but perhaps this is final? I want to support her even now but I don’t know.

When anyone with BPD has split previously, have you returned to your partners as often as they have? During their panic in the initial fight they kept begging me to give them time to calm down, that they still need my skin pressed against theirs, that they’re my babygirl. And now I’m back to this.

I’m just so heartbroken, I don’t want her out of my life at all. Is she going to come back? Do you think her want of getting help will outweigh the fear of getting help?

I’m sorry for such a lengthy post. I just don’t have anyone else to talk to about this.

TW: VENT

Hello. I am genuinely seeking advice because I don't know what else to do or what to even think about this. Bit of a long read, so please forgive any grammatically incorrect mistakes as I'm incredibly tired and don't know where else to seek help.

For starters, I have been diagnosed with both BPD and OCD. I've also gotten groomed and psychologically abused since early childhood and that's something that changed my perception of love.

Ever since I've started getting into relationships I often find myself wary or disgusted of their past intimate actions with someone else that obviously isn't me. I constantly overthink their actions, wondering if they're doing the same intimate stuff with me just because they wanna share their love or want to relive the same experience they felt with someone else. It sounds insane, but both paths drive me crazy. Because if they liked an intimate experience they have experienced with someone else that WASN'T ME, THEN IT IS DISGUSTING TO ME because another person went out or their way and decided to be intimate with them. It's gross. And if they want to relive and intimate act with me that has happened in the past, I STILL DON'T LIKE IT BECAUSE IT MEANS THE OTHER PERSON IS STILL ON THEIR MIND. I don't know how to explain this well, I'm sorry.

Everytime my current partner says he wants to cuddle, kiss, hug or do anything intimate with me I flinch and I feel disgusted inside. I feel like I'm gonna cry because how dare them want to do to the same things they did with someone else TO ME? Who do they think they are? Do they not know how I'm suffering because of this? Do they not know I find it disgusting? I don't want to even think about it. I suppress my emotions and try to think it's okay, but I still feel disgusted and sad that it wasn't me they loved that way. And yet he says that the past doesn't matter because it's the past, that first times don't matter as much as last times or that no matter how someone's past has been it's doesn't matter as long as people choose each other in the present.

I can logically reason this. But my heart still can't accept it. I don't want to. It makes me cry. I don't know how someone can't understand the beauty of first times. I don't know how they can simply let it go just like that. They have to be deceiving me.

Please, I desperately need advice.

I struggle to hold jobs for longer than a couple months usually. It’s been this way really since I was about 17 (when I, in retrospect, seriously started to show signs of having BPD). I’ve had 12 jobs in the past 3.5 years, and it’s exhausting.

I’m good at getting jobs. Having a decent chunk of experience built up over the years certainly helps a lot in terms of getting employed at some entry-level job. I’m able to sort of put up a facade during the interviews, the training and really for the first couple months. I hold it together well, I’m polite, I’m motivated. Then I start to burn out. Sometimes it’s because of outside factors, sometimes it’s because I don’t have enough of a work/life balance (This was my issue with my last one).

Once I start to burn out, it becomes difficult to hold a job. I lose the motivation, the drive and the ambition that got me the job in the first place. I begin to loathe it, hate it. Hate the customers, hate the coworkers, hate the managers and all the tasks that come with them. Usually it ends in one of two ways, either I quit because it becomes too much, and I can’t handle it. Or I get fired for being an obviously bad employee, or for getting short-tempered with people.

I don’t really understand why I keep having this pattern, and it seems to follow me through every job I have, no matter what it is I’m actually doing for work. I can’t tell if it’s my autism, BPD or just me being a lazy fuck-up.

I just want to be able to hold a job, and to keep that same drive and ambition. To be able to “hold it together” long enough to make it out of the entry-level stage of employment.

In some ways I feel disabled, disabled enough to where work is extremely difficult, and jobs are hard for me to hold down. However I don’t feel disabled enough to where I think I would qualify for disability, or even if I did get it, to not have the overwhelming guilt about essentially “leeching off the government teat” as it were.

Does anyone have any advice? Can anyone relate to me? I start a new job tomorrow, and I need to be able to hold it together so I can live independently. I’m trying to be optimistic, but I’m worried it’s going to go the same way it always does.

*TW - SI*

I have a hard time forgiving myself whenever I make mistakes. In my brain, they’re amplified. Logically, I can understand that everyone makes mistakes but emotionally I cannot hold myself to that standard.

In my mind, if I made a mistake it means that I ruined everything, that I am the mistake. If I hurt someone, it means that I cause pain to those around me, and that I shouldn’t exist. If I’m in a bad mood, it means I’m a downer and no one should have to deal with being around me.

Ultimately, I feel like a burden. And I hate feeling like this, it makes me want to end my life because I can’t seem to find the balance.

The worst part of BPD for me, is that I feel like a broken and flawed person. I feel like my entire existence will just be me fighting against the brain I was born with.

Does anyone feel the same? Any words of advice or support?

I ended a 10 years relationship 2 months ago. It was an impulsive tought. Been tired of been accused of things that I havent done and I asked many times for my ex to not call me anything before making sure that it was true. She did it and I exoloded and ask her to apologize, she didnt and I took my stuff and left. After 1 month I came back asking for us to try again but she told me she has met someone and that she would never come back to a place where she has experienced so much pain. I took the bullet and left. I know I broke up with her but I also couldn't understand why I did it.

For the past 10 years Ive been looking for psicológical help. I could feel that the way I was experimenting life was very different from everyone around me. A lot of emotions, fear, complicated relationships and friends among other things. My ex helped me a lot to regain trust on myself after hitting rock bottom and trying to harm myself. She stayed with me and we had an explosive and passionate relationship...but that faded. I started to pull away and I wouldnt understand why. We began a cycle of breaking up and coming back around 3 years ago.

In January I started a program where the state committed to find out what my issue was after another attempt to harm myself. Fast forward 2 weeks ago. My psicologist diagnosed me with BPD. I've never heard of it. Never met anyone that has it. I went frantically into research mode while I was trying to keep myself alive from the pain of the breakup.

Very quickly I noticed all the patterns that I have been doing through my life and how it matched the diagnose. That gave me a lot of peace. I finally got an answer after 10 years! I talked to my parents, my family and closest friends about it and they all did some research and later agreed with the diagnose. In two weeks I felt I came to understand myself much more that the previous 10 years and I was finally feeling there was hope.

But then I got the urge to contact my ex to tell her that I finally got a diagnose. The idea has been burning in my head for two days. I finally asked a friend to ask if it was OK to receive a message from me, she accepted. I asked for a meeting so I could tell her my diagnose. She agreed only with the condition that we would not be alone. Almost inmediatly after she agreed I went into a spiral... What if she gets to know and she hates me more? What would happen when she tells all our common friends? Will I be rejected? Got so much fear and now I'm thinking on canceling the appointment and just never speak again with her but the idea hurts so much. Anyways... I'm not sure if I want advice or just needed to vent but any opinion would be really appreciated.

I can't diagnose my mom with BPD, but I can say she seems to meet a lot of BPD traits. My mom trauma dumped on me as a child so I got to hear about all the terrible shit her own mother did to her, which might also be BPD related (back in those days there was no such diagnosis).

I feel resentful and hopeless about this intergenerational trauma and possible genetic factors. It's so depressing. My life feels so limited because of what happened to me as a kid.

Does anyone relate? Thanks for reading.

I think I used to be fixable... I have been many many years fixable... Many years where if somebody appeared, I would just gain instant strength and felt like I could deal with anything...

But now... With everything Im carrying. All this useless pain...

I wonder... Even if I found a partner right now if I could keep going anymore... I think maybe yes, who knows, but id take a lot of time to heal...

But... Who cares... Nobody wants me and Im going to be alone until my last breath...

hi! i’m a shift lead at a starbies, and i was having a pretty rough day yesterday so i decided to call off. my boss gave me a written warning for irregular attendance and told me i only have about 6 points left to spare until i believe august 2027. i have bpd and sometimes when i get into a certain headspace i don’t care who i affect in these moments, and take the selfish route of staying home where i’m comfortable and can recover. i love my job because it offers a good pay and wonderful benefits, but sometimes i get paranoid that no one there likes me. which also makes it hard to show up.

tw! suicide attempt
about 2 months ago i made the decision to attempt suicide which led me to hospitalization and a leave of absence at my job. since then and before, and even at my past jobs, i find it so hard to show up for my shifts. i call off at least once or twice a month. 3 or 4 times if my mental health is really suffering. i end up leaving out of feeling embarrassed and ashamed and not good enough.

at this job, i know i’m a great worker. and i’d love to build a genuine, solid relationship with this place. but life (including my relationship and other personal issues) heavily affect whether i decide to show up. it sounds so stupid but how can i feel more motivated to show up? not just for work, but myself. i never dress up anymore and look like such a bum everyday. i feel like with each passing day im getting more and more depressed. my appearance has declined and ive gained so much weight over the months. any help or support would be so greatly appreciated 🩷

ever since being diagnosed with bpd my whole life feels like it’s been flipped upside down in mostly a good way. it’s just crazy finally understanding what’s ’wrong with me’ but i’m also kind of left confused on who i am at the same time…like i think i know who i am and who i strive to be (my best self) but it’s also all so confusing now idk