without having someone to look forward to things with, to anticipate messages from, to buy gifts for and spend time together, i just feel like theres nothing worth living for. i dont know how to enjoy things on my own, all my hobbies and interests feel so bland. i go to work and i dont have anything i want to spend money on so it feels pointless. i just want someone to spend my life with, to pour my energy into, but i dont think its going to happen.

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I’m a F29, and I’ve been through a few relationships, which has allowed me to recognize a pattern: I always seem to lose my spark when I’m in a relationship. Some of those relationships were unhealthy, while others weren’t.

After being in unhealthy relationships and now being with someone who is genuinely great, I’m starting to realize that I might be the problem, and BPD doesn’t exactly help either. I don’t know if it has to do with my diagnosis, but I feel like my identity starts to dissolve when I’m with someone. Everything becomes about the other person, and my sense of self seems to depend on what’s happening in their life and what they do or don’t do for me.

I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year. We’re long-distance, but we see each other every two weeks, sometimes even more often, since we don’t live that far apart.

Once again, I’ve noticed that my spark is fading, and I don’t think he’s the one causing it, as might happen in an abusive relationship. He’s supportive, makes me feel valued, is attentive and caring, and constantly encourages me to maintain my individuality.

I guess you could describe me as a functional emotional dependent, lol, because I don’t stop pursuing my hobbies, doing things on my own, or spending quality time with other people. I go to therapy, exercise, and take my medication. The problem is that even when I make an effort to maintain my individuality, I’m not fully present in it because, somehow, part of my mind is always on him. I still have fun and exciting moments with my friends, but it feels like it’s just not the same anymore.

This bothers me and makes me angry because I can feel that I’ve lost a part of myself, and I don’t know how to get it back. I’m already doing part of what I know I should be doing, which is not abandoning other areas of my life.

I’ve also noticed that I become extremely needy, and everything that happens in my partner’s life outside our relationship starts to feel like a threat to my own life, as if anything that has nothing to do with us as a couple is somehow a threat to me. I know how problematic this is, and I’m working on it in therapy so that it doesn’t spill over into the relationship or hurt me either. But I’m mentioning it because even something relatively minor happening in his life seems to put me on high alert, and I’ve noticed that this constant state of alertness makes it harder for me to focus on the things I do for myself.

Has anyone else found themselves in a similar situation? Women with BPD who manage to fully maintain their individuality in a relationship, how do you do it?

It's easy, right? Everyone does it. What's there to be afraid of? Lose a friend, just make a new one. Lose a partner, go ahead and cry for a few days. You'll get over it soon enough. You just have to let go.

I wish it was that easy for me. I wish I could just let go the way everyone else does. It's never the same between us. I have to ante up far more than you and far more than you'll ever know.

Sometimes the rage I feel is maddening. Worse, it's not even seen as valid. It makes me a mockery.

i recently got diagnosed with bpd and ive realized a huge pattern. everywhere my mom goes, usually (online) support groups, act as areas for friends, partners and family of someone with bpd to find understand while coping themselves. among diving deeper, you usually find its an echochamber of people spreading harmful stereotypes of people with bpd, usually that they feel no remorse, always are abusive, and should never be given chances even with therapy. even worse, ive tried to spread information from the dsm5 to a couple of these spaces because of how misinformed they tend to be, only to find they have rules against people with bpd being there? if youre there to help people with bpd and their relatives and friends, why cant they be there? we are seeing through your shit 😭

Like, let's say hypothetically that you know you have bpd and you're going to do what you need to do to treat it either way.

I've seen so many therapists who seemed very reluctant to diagnose BPD (citing stigma, supposedly medical discrimination(?), the tendency for people to lean into preconceptions and actually do worse than they were, and pointing out that the recommended treatment for bpd is essentially the same anyway).

Is being diagnosed really worse? Is it better? Did I screw myself over by getting diagnosed? I know I have BPD, no doubt about it. I guess I'm worried that everything will be harder/worse just because I was diagnosed.

Im just curious. Ive was diagnosed w bpd a few years ago but my psychiatrist thinks i might have developed it really early. I realise i always go through a big wave of self loathing every time i have an outburst or if i split even if i dont take it out on people. Even if there is no one around and i just crash out, its always followed by this wave of extreme annoyance at myself and then after a few hours i feel all hollow inside. I don’t know many other ppl with bpd so im just curious if anyone goes through something like this and why it happens

I mean do I have a giant tattoo on my forehead that says “I am not a human being, I’m worth nothing except for my body, please sexualize me endlessly”?? Does anyone ever actually realize I’m a person with dreams and fears and goals and things I like to read about?

It genuinely hurts. I am not even super attractive, so it’s like amazing to me to be so sexualized while other women are taken seriously by those same men. I know it’s obvious I’m ill, I get that. But like… does that mean I only ever get to be a sex object? Often even before I sexualize myself to someone, they’ve already done it. They’re like “oh man I’m so excited to finally talk to you, I’ve wanted you since blah blah blah.”

And it always feels like a fucking knife in my chest. Like wow, I thought you really thought I was a cool person. I thought you had interest because you like talking to me. But you just want to sleep with me. And even people who aren’t romantically interested, they just don’t take me seriously. Like everything I say or do is a joke, just me being crazy ole me, nothing to see here, just complete nonsense that can be disregarded.

I just feel like screaming, I’m a FUCKING PERSON!!! Or maybe I’m not…? Genuinely I don’t feel real anymore. Like I want to be real, and I’m not, and that’s why this hurts so bad. Because it’s not possible. I’m not really here.

Hey y’all, so I’ve been seeing this new therapist for about a month now and we’ve discussed my hallucinations. Shadow figures, hallucinations of people saying my name, whispering, things of that nature. Right now we’re trying to track how often they are since I’m not very reliable at remembering, but they’re often enough where they’re just part of my normal. She wants me to start speaking to them to see if that will reduce their frequency. For example saying “I’m safe you’re not needed here” as she believes it’s my brain trying to soothe or “protect” me. I was taken by surprise as I thought that was kind of the opposite of what you’re supposed to do? I usually just ignore them as it’s very normal for me.

Dear BPD sufferers, what kind of medication did help ease your BPD symptoms. Anyone with SI and what treatment did help to reduce the symptoms.
Sharing your experiences is highly appreciated

Hi, friends! ^>^ I hope you can envision the title the way that I do, which is a little strawberry cupcake with chocolate frosting, topped with edible glitter, and there's a little plastic umbrella in the center with a shiny pink top! The parts can have any assortment of colors/flavors you want, but hopefully that's helpful to set the stage for how I mean this post to come across to you.

I know it can be really rough out there, between cost of living crises and housing crises and employment crises and personal crises. I know you're probably tired, and maybe a little angry, and probably really sad. I hope that you can picture me handing you that cupcake and maybe a cup of juice or tea or coffee, and I hope you can hear my voice being gentle and kind when I tell you: I know you've done your best recently! I can understand where and why it would feel like everything sucks and you're failing. And you know what, most everything does suck right now, and you might be failing at some things because everyone fails at some things. I'm just really glad that you're alive! I'm glad that you're here and trying to build a life you love.

Recently, I've started to remind myself more and more frequently to make a list every day of things I accomplished that day. I make the list at the end of the day, and I try to include concrete things like going to work as well as more abstract things like managing my emotions. I bet, if you made a list of a few things you got done today, you would be surprised at how many things are actually on there! You're probably doing a little more than you think. I bet your friends and coworkers and neighbors have at least one nice thing to say about you. If you'd like, comment something here that you got done today! I'd love to see what you're proud of yourself for accomplishing, even if it feels very small or very insignificant. I'm so happy that you clicked on this post and I'm looking forward to hearing about what you've done! I'll go first, then - today, I realized when I was feeling weird emotionally and instead of bottling it up, I asked for a hug.

Okay, let 'er rip! Tell me a few things you accomplished today, no matter how small they feel ^>^

I often find myself reading my journals, diaries, old school notebooks, book annotations, or looking through my phone gallery and instagram archive. I do it at least 4-5 days a week. It messes with my day-to-day functionality, makes me live in the past more than in the present, makes it harder to move on from people that I no longer talk to, and reminds me of terrible things I've said and done to people. I generally do it bc something triggered a certain memory and I end up going down the rabbit hole of checking everything, or when I feel like I don't know who I am, so I have to rely on my past memories to know what I like and how I feel about things. Does anyone else relate? And how do you manage this?

Is anyone else hella empty and want to chat and befriend each other? In other subreddits, 99.99% of the time it just attracts horny men who don’t even read the content of your post, so maybe there would be some form of shared experience/understanding here. If you’re around my age (19) hmu (especially if you can command a conversation, cause I don’t have much faith in myself, welp)

I just got diagnosed BPD recently and I finnaly understand the depth if the emtions I feel. I have a realtiosnhip that im in for two years, I love my partner and I think we are good together but the intense emotions I feel when I can feel a slight change of behavior from his side that usually means nothing to him but everything to him I cant help but wonder if I wouldnt be better of alone. As much as the thought of being alone and without him hurts, its also kind of a relief. I hate being the one that makes his life harder than it has to be and I hate how miserable I feel when something goes slighlty wrong. Can this feeling ever go away, will I ever be completely happy in a relationship? I havent told him about the diagnosis yet I want to tell him in person but Im doubting the relationship not because i wouldnt wanna be in it but im wondering if there is an end to this or if both of us are gonna suffer. I havent done anything abusive to him im really trying to regulate my emotions and im not holding him in the relationship but you know how it is, the typical things such as blaming him reacting impulsively and more intensly than needed distancing myself than trying to come back etc etc. How do you deal with this, are you in a relationship? Can you partner somehow help you if they want to? How do you manage? Anything will help, thanks. And feel free to ask anything.

Hi I’m 20F and I’d like to say I’ve gone into ‘remission’ with my BPD. I’ve put remission in quotes because in reality I’ve just removed almost everything, that I can, that triggers me. That includes distancing myself from friends, family and never entering into situations I know could cause me to spiral. But I met someone while overseas and a hookup turned into something more. And it’s reversed so much of my progress.

I was diagnosed at 16 and have put in a lot of hard work. But as anyone with this diagnosis knows, sometimes that’s just not enough. You can work so hard in adjusting your coping mechanisms and ways of thinking. But a single difficult moment can make you forget everything you’ve learnt.

I’ve noticed this going into a sort of LDR with this girl I met on holiday. I guess I thought it wouldn’t lead anywhere, considering we live a 24hrs apart. I usually don’t let myself become invested in people. Because I know close relationships are one of my weak points (throughout all of my years in therapy I’ve always struggled to apply my strategies to close relationships in the moment and end up losing them). I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where I would be hurt again. But the good was outweighing the bad and I had almost forgotten what it was like with BPD in a relationship.

We started talking often after I got home and everything was going well (probably a bit co-dependant but apart from that I was very happy). It got to the month mark and some things really started to bother me: She didn’t want to put a label on what we were, she still wanted to be able to sleep with other people (I’m not against that but am not interested in doing that myself), she was consistently talking to me everyday and suddenly told me she needed to stop (this is what really got to me).

The inconsistency of the ‘relationship’, her attitude towards how we were to communicate and the fact we were so far apart was KILLING ME. There are a couple of other little things as-well, that I picked up on but not big enough to mention. None of it came from a bad place, it’s all quite reasonable as she had communicated these things to me beforehand; even her tendency to be avoidant. But it fed my BPD. It gave me a pattern to follow.

1. She is in charge, she decides when/if we speak and she has the power to take that away
   
2. I have to be what she wants because otherwise she will get bored
   
3. I can’t be too much otherwise she will get overwhelmed
   
4. I can care but never too much because we aren’t in a relationship

I took these ‘rules’ on board and we kept speaking. We hit the 3 month mark and things went downhill again. I had been putting on a performance, and she could tell. She told me I was inconsistent and inauthentic and this CRUSHED ME. I was doing everything right why was she confused. I was following the rules she’d made for me why did she think I was being inauthentic?

I took a step back and realised I had been following the pattern I had followed habitually since I was a child, the same one that has ruined every single relationship in my life. Become what you think others want you to be and in doing so, lose the person they liked to begin with. Become angry and resentful for putting in so much work and never having it recognised. No, I wasn’t acting on my old self destructive behaviours. But I’d be lying if I said the urge wasn’t there. As much as I can recognise the pattern and know it is wrong. I feel I’ve lost myself too much already. I don’t know who I am so how should I be consistent?

She is visiting me for Christmas and I hope that seeing her in person instead of online will help me kick my old patterns. (I know they are rooted in insecurity and someone being present/physical affection really helps ground me). But I’m worried in the meantime she will keep seeing me as confusing and inauthentic. And I know these rules in my head won’t disappear just because I know they’re not reasonable. That’s the curse of being self aware with BPD.

But PLEASE if anyone has any advice for me, it’s all appreciated. I want to be myself and not lose my mind or someone who I now really care about. So if you or your partner have BPD and you have any tips or suggestions for me let me know <3.

I'm 20f, got diagnosed with BPD a few months back, I also have MDD, GAD, and my anxiety is really bad.

How to handle emotional dys regulation especially in relationships and self image and life goal related things, how to handle self harm and suicidal thoughts,

And one more question how frequently do you guys have a BPD episode?

For me it's like the emptiness is real and persistent and twice a week anger outburst and emotionally dysregulated fights with my bf or my parents,

And my fp is my bf so whenever I'm triggered like he's going on a solo trip and it made me so upset I ended up having an episode of really bad arguments and self harm stuff,

I'm on meds, anti-psychotic cariprazine and propranolol,

But my emotions especially anger is a bit regulated but the emptiness, and suicidal thoughts and extreme anxiety is really affecting my life,

What should I do?

I talked to my psychiatrist earlier about my meds. I’m on 50 mg of lamictal and 2 mg of guanfacine, twice a day. She bumped up my dosage to 100 mg of lamictal and guanfacine, 3 times instead of two. I told her that I crashed out last week and she was straight up like “yk that’s the borderline right?” I was like yeaaah, I know/: I did something crazy cause I literally couldn’t help myself. I was so hurt after seeing what I saw. I won’t go into detail but I lost it cause I “fafo” basically. She wants to get me tested for adhd and when I told my mom she tried saying that all I have is adhd when I in fact have bpd for sure. I’ve been knowing I had it, got the diagnosis over a year ago. I didn’t just tell her my symptoms obviously. We’ve gone over plenty of my past experiences to find out why I’m like this and I absolutely have borderline cause of how my experiences have affected me, my relationships, my mental health, etc. everything I’ve told this lady has been straight up truth from what I can remember, I don’t exaggerate anything. I’m myself. And even she (psychiatrist) can see, I’m a fucking mess. I can’t even clean my room most times and my mom still refuses to believe there’s something wrong with me. Idk today I just had an overload of info I guess. Plus I’m having a physical outbreak right now so on top of the mental stuff, I’m just going through it I guess lol. It’s hard when you’re going through something and someone refuses to believe how your reality is when you’re trying so hard to get help. Like I’m getting help but then when I’m trying to tell her what’s wrong, it’s like I’m invalided. I don’t tell my mom everything and I told her that. My reality feels so exhausting all the time. I tell her my spirit feels drained. All I want is love at the end of the day and I get shit in return and idk how she still doesn’t see that after all these years when she knows people have fucked me over. People I thought I could trust, people who I thought loved me like I loved them. Idk I feel heard when I talk to my new psychiatrist and like I’m on the right track to getting better. I talked to my mom about getting better and part of it is acknowledging what’s wrong. But when I tell her she doesn’t wanna believe it. I’m not saying she’s not a good mom cause she’s the best mom I could ever ask for, I think she just doesn’t wanna believe it maybe. I’m her youngest child I’m 26. I’ve been through a lot though and bpd makes a lot of sense cause of the people that have came and gone out of my life and treated me like absolute dirt and I stayed cause I was lonely enough. There’s way more to it than that but yeah. Like I said I’m just on overload right now and I’m just trying to calm down. I’ve been crying for hours and i just wanna be okay. I just wanna be free of everything. I feel like I can’t try hard enough no matter what I do though. I’m so exhausted

Curious as to everyone’s story. I always knew something was different/ not right. Diagnosed at 27 after a guy I was seeing broke up with me and another guy dumped me. I took too many pills survived then always struggled when emptiness lack or career purpose suicidality extreme sensitivity and impulsivity

i'm 20 for the record.

so, quick backstory, months ago (like 6) my parents found suicide notes of mine. it was a whole thing, and they handled it terribly but i can forgive it because it's scary. she only found the notes because she was going through my room.

fast forward to now, ive been struggling with depression, and been very open with them about it and we've been trying to find programs and stuff. about a week ago, my mom came into my room and had a long talk with me, saying she's worried about me etc. we agreed on a plan and everything seemed to be going good.

today, I found out that my mom went into my room while i was asleep and went through my entire journal. where I have written extremely personal things about myself, my relationship, and my mental struggles. she also shared it with my dad, and supposedly called a suicide hotline to talk to them about what to do.

I confronted her, and she at first lied about reading my journal, and then got angry and said i have no reason to be upset. she and my dad have now doubled down and said it's completely fine to invade somebody's privacy if you're worried for their safety.

my issue is that they were plenty aware of my problems, but are now saying they had no idea i was struggling until they read my journal. i feel as if i cannot do anything now to get my feelings out or work on myself.

i will also say a few months ago my mom snuck onto my computer and went through conversations i had with my boyfriend, which was another huge issue.

so, am i in the wrong for thinking that this is a huge invasion of privacy? or did she have the right to read my journal?

I’ve spent my whole life throwing myself from one relationship to the next and of course each one ends in flames. Everyone says I need to learn to be alone, to love myself, to be able to be my own person.

I’m not sure who I am anymore since the last two decades have revolved around whatever fp I was with at the time. Even now after an all time low, all I can think of is running back to my fp even if it costs me my life. I feel like an addict headed toward my doom knowingly.

I know I have little if any love for myself, but I truly don’t know where to begin or even believe I am worthy of it. I have managed to lose the majority of my personal relationships and at 37 it is painful to think that I have to start all over again.

I received a diagnosis about two years and have never been on medication. Did two cycles of DBT. Any suggestions that worked for you in building self love and removing yourself from the cycle of toxic attachment would be really appreciated.

I made a post a couple days ago talking about my ex partner and my situation, how i left her alone and how i handled everything and how everything’s been going for us lately, and she gave me more info as to what’s happened to her in the time that her and i weren’t talking and i feel awful. i feel like no matter how much i study on her BPD, learn about her, love her and become someone better for her, it won’t make up for the amount of pain she’s went through while i wasn’t there to be a wall for her, and it’s killing me. she told me she doesn’t feel for me the way she once did, she even convinced herself that she didn’t like me or love me anymore. which is fine, that’s not what’s kinda killing me. it’s more personal things that she went through that’s killing me. things i don’t feel comfortable talking about here but it’s stuff that i wouldn’t wish upon everyone, and she’s been through it so many times and almost everytime it’s happened, i was never there. and it happened again. i don’t know how i could ever make things right, how i could ever make her feel happy again. how i could ever make up for breaking her, leaving her in pieces. just for me to come back and bring fear in her life that i might do the same thing, that i might up and leave and leave her alone to deal with traumatic experiences alone.