r/Autoimmune • u/Beneficial_Bug_9711 • 3h ago
Advice My relationship is on the brink of collapse.
I started having major autoimmune issues a little over a year ago, but they were somewhat manageable. Then in January of this year, my symptoms became chronic and debilitating:
- nerve pain in all extremities
- joint pain in both hands, wrists, elbows, feet, ankles, and knees
- fatigue
- muscle fatigue
- brain fog
- spasticity in hands, feet, and legs
- weakness
- burning and tingling sensations in extremities
- extreme cramps and pain in arches of feet that left me immobile for most days
- joint stiffness
……
All of which has left me unable to work and do pretty much anything outside of my house for the last 10 months... Which, in turn, has made/makes me feel like a burden, useless/worthless, a mooch bc I’m not contributing financially in my relationship.. I feel like I’ve lost my identity and purpose.. my quality of life has gone into the gutter and my mental health has deteriorated bc of it.
On the rare occasion I do socialize, I have nothing to talk about bc my life’s been nothing but 24/7 pain and dr appts… and who wants to hear about that? Plus, it just makes me feel like a Debbie Downer.
Bc of all of the above, the dynamic of my relationship with my boyfriend has consequently morphed into a patient/caregiver one- no intimacy of any kind, no joking, no affection, i feel his attraction to me has diminished, no emotional connection, no quality time, and only conversations that consist of him asking about my pain levels/symptoms and drs appts.
Over the past several months, I’ve expressed my concerns about him developing resentment towards me due to me not working, not doing my fair share around the house, being needy and emotional, and having to back out of plans last minute leaving him to have to go solo and feel guilty for going.
He consistently reassured me that that wouldn’t happen and we’d get through it and be stronger bc of it all. Welp, a few months ago it happened. Everything he’d been bottling up came to the surface during an argument.
Since then, any interaction I have with him is laden with contempt- even when he looks at me I can see it in his eyes- and it’s left me devastated. I don’t know what to do. I hate this undiagnosed monster that’s hijacked my body and is dismantling my life.
Any thoughts, insights, resources, or advice would be greatly appreciated. TIA






