r/KeepWriting • u/Scary_Training_4699 • 4m ago
[Writing Prompt] Resident Doctor: wrote this about my training
I am not depressed or burned out … but I had a hard time expressing how it felt going to work on the daily.
A ray of sunshine?…
I have a scar that will not stop growing.
Sometimes, I pick at the keloid, convincing myself that it has grown smaller, that perhaps the wound is finally healing. I peel away at its edges, searching for the skin that existed before it. For a moment, the surface appears smoother, the scar less conspicuous. Almost gone.
But it always returns. Thicker. Uglier. Harder than before.
I have tried to reason with my resentment. Things could be worse, I remind myself. Time will eventually carry me somewhere else. None of it matters. The resentment simply grows, quietly and stubbornly, the way scars do.
And yet, every morning, I return to the place where it grows.
The janitor greets me with a fist bump. The respiratory therapist tells me about his family in Haiti. The charge nurse shares her plans to return to school to become a nurse practitioner.
And they seem happy to see me. You’re like a ray of sunshine, they say.
Perhaps what they see is merely the light of a star that died millennia ago.
Once, a patient asked what I had planned for the weekend. Nothing came. For a moment, the question seemed meant for someone who wasn’t there.
As I leave the building, the keloid begins to itch. Then it grows. By the time I reach my car, the ray of sunshine they see is gone.
The people inside blur. Their names vanish. Their stories crumble. I joke about it, of course. But the truth is harder to admit: this place never mattered to me. Nothing within it ever did. I arrived already wanting to leave.
Like all keloids, it grows past the edges of the original wound.
The reflection in the mirror saddens me. Unrecognizable. He stands tall, wearing a smile that could fool even those who love him most. But I know him. The weariness in his eyes cannot lie. There is no light.
Then, on the horizon, a sunrise. The first light of spring, finding its way back to me.
My sister telling me about her day. A friend, nervous and excited about a date. My mother describing what she is cooking for dinner.
A spark catches. A familiar warmth returns.
For a moment, I am back.
I look for the scar. Was there ever a keloid there at all?
But even in the warmth, a small fear remains. The darkness will return. Perhaps it will take more of me this time.
A tap on my shoulder. The janitor.
I smile and give him a fist bump.