I have a bunch of random snail shells and some old snail books lying around. My roommate is super gullible. I want to convince them that I'm some kind of expert snail trainer and that I'm working on a top secret project. I have a few snails in my terrarium but I'm not actually doing anything with them. I was thinking of just putting up some fake snail training certificates on my wall and maybe making some snail themed decorations. Is that enough to sell the whole thing or should I take it further?

Screw Tina! The little hussy thinks I am a bad person just because I did a hit and run. Well Tina, it is YOUR own fault considering I was speeding to get to YOUR wedding on time, you hepher.

Anyway, I want to show that BEEEAAATCH whats what by completely turning my life around and being a "compassionate," "altruistic," and "selfless" person, but in a way that lets her know I am doing it to piss her off. How should I go about this?

Should I dress like Dolly deParted this Halloween or is it too soon?

HELP

Advice doesn't have to be safe, ethical or helpful

So i have a friend named Cleveland brown and he seems like he is proud to be back in his hometown with his new family? but im just not sure i mean theres old friends and new friends and also a bear? and through good times and bad times is it true love they share? and so he found a place were everyone would know that his happy mustached face it is the cleveland show so what do yall think about this?

Hit me with the absolute most diabolical fantasy football punishments for whoever loses- also applicable for march madness next year.

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We’ve known each other for a year, met online, and met in person 10 months ago. We had sex. He refuses to meet again or let me visit him, but continues calling and texting for hours, sometimes even sleeping on the phone with me.

Initially, he love-bombed me, used pet names, and talked about me moving to Germany. He later said he didn’t want a relationship because he needed to fix himself, but continued chasing my attention. He calls me his best friend and values that I’m always available to listen to him, yet rarely asks about me or my life.

He has narcissistic traits, which he admitted to. He has also screamed at me, threatened to block me after I booked a ticket to see him without telling him beforehand, then apologized and refunded me.

Recently, he’s been working out, tanning, quitting drugs and alcohol, and talking about getting nose and eye surgery. I mention it because he has been doing drugs every weekend since I know him.

He’s also excited about a month-long work trip to Mallorca, where he’ll live near the beach. This family he works for apparently is flying him to Mallorca and he will paint house for them. He lives in Germany.

Month before that he mentioned he wants to learn Spanish...

He also bought a new king size bed from Hammilton, expensive but I guess its irrelevant to the story.

He never seemed to be f..boy type because he told me he didnt sleep with anyone after he broke up with his ex 4 years ago.

He used to tell me about women staring at or flirting with him, seemingly to provoke a reaction(like women staring at him on the train)

Next week, he’ll visit our home country to see his kids and get expensive dental implants, but has already told me he won’t see me.

I asked whether he was seeing someone else. He denied it, but when I asked where I stood, he said he didn’t know what to tell me and agreed that we should just be friends because he doesn’t want a relationship.

I feel like he’s keeping me around for emotional support while remaining open to other options. Do you think he might be trying to attract someone else and lying about being single to avoid looking like the bad guy?

I’m moving on regardless, but knowing would help me find closure. I know I have enough reasons to leave, and I’m done accepting this treatment. Thank you

So basically i am meeting my girlfriend parents today and I have really bad fart. So bad that they turn the most religious people into atheists and the most hardcore atheists have cried out to God for help when they smell it. So basically I need to make a good impression and I had this great idea to try and blame my farts on my girlfriend (genius I know). They can't get mad at there daughter if they think she is the one ripping them.

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I can't get rid of this thought, I visited my grandma recently and was mindblown at how many scams , manipulation, she was dealing with.

Email, text , voice calls automated , like there's really a whole tsunami of bullshit patiently waiting on you really until you can't defend yourself

What the actual fuck? It wasn't in the fore front of my head , one because I didn't know the scope, but also because I'm not there yet so they don't target me.

And this is not just typical, these scams get more elaborate as time goes on, also let alone the physical, I have heard of workers beating up seniors, sometimes they forget so they can't even send a complaint.

I just can't believe I'm potentially walking amongst some of you motherfuckers 🖕🖕🖕👿

So my neighbor's dog barks all night and it's driving me insane. I was thinking of ways to subtly make them question their sanity. Maybe I can hide the dog's favorite toy every night or leave little notes from 'the other side' around their yard. Any good ideas on how to make this spectral canine haunting believable?