This is the first time I’ve taken a selfie since last year. For a long time I’ve struggled with low self esteem due to having been bullied for my appearance. I didn’t like looking at myself because I was only reminded of the hurtful things I was told. I would also try to avoid being on camera as much as I could because I didn’t like how I looked. Yesterday though I decided to take a selfie again after a long time. I wouldn’t say I’m completely okay now but I know that loving yourself is a process that can take time. I’m slowly trying to become more comfortable with being on camera. I’m also trying to work on my self esteem as well. I hope that one day though I can gain more confidence and be happy with myself.

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I was always the person who listened, who checked in, who noticed when someone’s energy felt different.

I remembered the little things. I made excuses for people who hurt me. I stayed available, even when I was falling apart myself.

And somehow, I convinced myself that being needed was the same as being loved.

It took me a long time to realize that I was so busy making other people feel understood that I had stopped asking myself what I needed.

I don't hate the people I gave so much of myself to. But I'm learning that I don't have to keep abandoning myself just because someone else is comfortable with it.

These days, I'm trying to become someone I can come home to, even when nobody else does.

Maybe self-love isn't always about feeling beautiful or being confident.

Maybe sometimes it's simply stopping yourself from betraying your own needs just to keep someone else in your life

For a long time, I didn’t really think of myself as strong.
I was just doing what I had to do.

There were days I’d sit in the car for a few minutes before going inside because I needed time to get myself together. Then I’d go in and handle what needed to be handled.

I didn’t feel strong. Mostly I felt tired. Looking back, I can see that period differently now. Some things took a while to come back from, and I’m still working through parts of it.

But I made it through more than I gave myself credit for.
I’m trying to recognize that now.

I’ve been hating myself for years now, like very aggressive self hatred idk how to explain it. Every night before I sleep I have suicidal thoughts and the urges to act on it very badly. I even considered it a few times. The urges are getting stronger and stronger. I honestly just feel like a failure every day. I graduated college a year ago and I haven’t found a job yet, I listened to my parents when they told me to get a job after college and now it’s harder than ever to get a job now. I haven’t been saving money at all and I don’t have money to do anything fun or go out or meet people. I don’t have a friend group, all my younger siblings each have a friend group and they go out with their friends or FaceTime their friends and I’m always alone in my room and not speaking with people. I’m going to be 23 soon and I haven’t done anything, I just feel like my siblings are judging me a lot especially since they all go to school and I’m home alone while everyone goes out. I want to go to Halloween parties and dress up and I haven’t been invited anywhere or know anyplace to go meanwhile my sisters are going to multiple. I feel so embarrassed, I wish I was extroverted and I did more things in high school and college and I barely experienced the college experience the way others have including my other sibling. I was just always by myself especially in college, college was a dark time for me.

I know I have depression and I want to become a screenwriter but a lot of the days, I don’t even have the energy to write or read or do anything productive with my writing and I feel like time is wasting, I want to put my stories out there but I feel like something is holding me back and I don’t have the energy to do anything, sometimes even catching up with a movie or a YouTube video or finishing my game, or answering a text message, or write, or finishing a show, finishing a book, is a lot. I just lay in bed and I have to force myself to do these things I used to love when I was a child and in high school, something shifted and idk who I am. To make matters worse, I hate my face, I don’t think I’m beautiful, my face just doesn’t look beautiful like other women. I envy women’s beauty, I try not to I just see that she’s beautiful but compared to her, I look like a monster. Unless I wear makeup or if I put on a wig or get my natural hair done I feel worth it sometimes but even then I just think that every women is beautiful then me and I feel like everyone agrees and everyone is judging my looks.

I don’t have those friendships that other women have, they talk about their lives and they go out and do things and meanwhile I feel so awkward and stupid when I try to speak to people, even when I text them idk what to say to them. I just lose interest in speaking to people all together. I just don’t feel like I’m good at anything and I feel like I suck and I’m a loser and I’m ugly. I try to read all the self love notes in this subreddit and it helps for a bit but my brain just goes back to criticizing myself. I feel stuck and I don’t have any friends, when I try to talk I’m just like what am I doing and I just think that the person is bored of me. I feel like people think I’m boring since I have nothing going in my life. I don’t want to consider romantic love, I’m not worth it for that. I’d rather be single. I cringe at the thought of romantic love for me although I love it for others.

This year has been so terrible, i don’t even know what my purpose is. I’m tired of my existence and having to worry about so many things, my brain won’t stop judging me and sometimes I can’t enjoy myself because I’m worrying about how I smile or how I laugh or how I talk and it makes me want to disappear forever. I know I need therapy but I don’t have the money for it. I tried the 988 hotline but it hasn’t been much of any help. I don’t have anyone that understands me in my life and it makes me angry and I shut down especially around my family and I want to be alone.

Gaze past the façade others present to the world.

To truly know another, look beyond their pretense, to their very soul within, sharing an intimate loving moment together, as your soul’s unite as one, changing the direction of both of your lives forever.

I'm a 40F and sometimes I lurk on this sub and other subs and say nice and supportive things to people. It's hardly met with support back sometimes. I know, it's Reddit, but I'm like this in real life too. I sometimes wish I could turn inward and be that friend to myself that I am to others. Learn to say "no" to things that don't serve me well, be more selfish. I sometimes feel ashamed of being this way, because I'm 40 and I should be better at self-love by now.

I do seek therapy, and take medication for depression. Depression certainly doesn't help with my self-esteem, although I'm working on it. I'm trying to treat myself like I would someone else who I like and trust. It's just not easy.

Edit: Wow, I didn't think this post would get the support it got. This sub is amazing, and thank you everyone for your kind comments!

We can do small physical and mental self-care activities daily. Listening to an upbeat song is one example. Complimenting oneself is another. 💜

What nice thing did you do for yourself today?

take care of yourself.

Title given. I made the mistake of reactivating my Instagram account. I wanted to see what everyone I know was up to recently. I thought I could handle it, because I’ve reactivated only to deactivate again. I’d fall into the same mental trap every time. I see people traveling, starting new relationships, celebrating anniversaries or getting married. It makes me feel awful about myself, as if I’m behind or not living as fun of a lifestyle.

There's no such thing as simply moving on and forgetting everything. You just learn to understand yourself, adjust to the reality, accept what happened as a part of your life, and slowly learn how to live without what you once had and start surviving. and those memories, moments, phase all will stick with you but this time it just doesn't affect you anymore but maybe sometimes it makes you weak but still...

So my people, heal yourself it's not your fault whatever happened has happened so please go ahead with it

Don't hate yourself... You too deserve everything like others

The title is a massive clickbait as it makes me sound ungrateful. Although yea i do wonder that, i don’t think the evidences will support it.

In my whole entirety of life i don’t think i have ever been that pretty girl ever. I remember i had a moment when i was super young where people called me cute a lot and wanted to know about me and would ask my parents about me etc. Well, i grew up into an ugly duckling middle schooler who had such a massive overbite that it would be visible from 10 feet away.

Throughout this transition if i may call it that, i was so well aware of how fucked up i looked that any ounce of meanness by others was well understood by me cause duh why else would you kick someone’s chair when you don’t even know them.

I was alright and did have a friend and other people and was seldom alone. School was tough and i had well adjusted with a few snarky comments here and there. I was never overweight and was rather skinny but gained weight during covid which ahem took away one little thing i had. I looked like a dreadful potato that you can’t even use in your bubble and squeak.

Now, cut to a year or two ago i had what you might call a glow up. I cut my own hair and lost weight. I started to wear better clothes albeit my style being really random and kind of off putting. We’re talking those rugged ripped jean with some god awful bright orange top.

I never put makeup that time and used to have people talk to me in college. Even the pretty ones. This one guy i kind of had crush on started looking at me. It became a huge ego boost as we never talked but had those moments where he would brush past me or lock eyes with me or act weird etc. I had a guy friend of my friend ask about me cause he thought i was very cute, very pretty and very attractive. Girls always commenting on how i looked or how nice my hair was or where I got my clothes from.

I had a guy randomly run towards me to ask me out ig. To tell i look cute or wtv. He was 30 and i was 19 so maybe not that big of an ego boost.
Cut to recently, a year later. I get complimented more. I have been told by my Roomate that i have a perfect face and mind you i really do not. I have been kind of hit on by a classmate. Recently another guy came up to me and said he just wanted to say i look nice and cute and that’s all.

Now, this isn’t a bragging session but more so how I’m spiralling a lot. I do not know what to make of it. I do not see it. I don’t apply makeup but dare i go out or meet anyone without having anything on my lips or my hair looking bad or I’ll probably hide under a blanket for a lifetime.

I cried today cause i saw this account of a clothing brand put up their story with my face on. I bought smth from them at a fest and got a pic clicked to promote it i suppose as did multiple other people. My face and my pic is the cover of their highlight which i do not know if it is incidental or something they did themselves but i fucking hate it. My face looks yassified in the worst way possible and it looks like my face is going to melt of cause of how droppy and saggy it looks. My eyes are hooded so i don’t even think i need to say anything. Plus my acne is creating the weirdest texture.
My sister started commenting on how i look pretty but i think she is being fake nice.

I look weird and have been crying over it. I do not come across as a friendly person so i do think when some people close to me say smth nice it is to flatter me or make me comfortable. At the same time i feel weird that random men who look so much older than me tend to approach me cause maybe i look dumb??? I have a baby face so maybe it is cause i am alone mostly and look like the perfect victim to flatter as i probably look like I’ve never been complimented once in my life.

Anyways, this was the rant. I really want to know why i feel so fucking bizarre about my face. Can i learn how to accept the ugly side of it and if so then how? Why do i feel so gross about it and as if i do not look nearly as good? Can it mean I’m right and people do not have standard and come across as too easy?

Im a 27m who has never been in a relationship or been on a date.

I have always been insecure about the way I look, I dont class myself as ''handsome''. Im on dating apps but dont get likes, so this effects my confidence more. Im thinking of learning the bass/guitar as I way to meet people and as i want to learn an instrument.

I have added some pictures for context, i dont really take pictures as i also dont like my smile, so they ate not the best

I am considering therapy to try and overcome this

I don’t really have any besides sobriety and it’s making me feel pretty empty. I’d love to get inspiration from you all. Thank you

It’s not they them or anyone you will be the reason for making your life bloom. It’s all on you are on your own to upgrade and evolve but never lonely there are plenty of resources around you to help you in your journey so use them to your advantage . Start thinking everything works out in your favour and pour into yourself and water your garden . Today’s message “It’s as important to say no as it is to say yes”.

How to pour into yourself? Ask your self what are you avoiding and not giving to yourself for example lack of rest why?Go down deep dig it and understand that’s it’s okay . Also , don’t forget how important it is to:

Have Boundaries as they protect you just like scarecrows protect the field from birds so they don’t ruin the harvest you project your inner peace and abundance by boundaries .

Also start being your own friend before being somebody else’s friend or bestie , love you bye ❤️✨