I know people are probably sick of hearing this but I am so tired of opening social media and getting hit with an endless conveyor belt of "come with me on my Monday" or "day in the life" videos where people are literally just narrating the most aggressively mundane tasks. Living in Southern California makes it even worse because it feels like every time I go to the grocery store or sit at a park, someone is treating public spaces like their personal film set. I saw kids at a park the other day completely ignoring each other and the playground, just staring into phones or filming TikTok dances. These kids were literally like 8-10 years old.

Beyond just the vlogger culture, I really just miss the early days of the internet. Ya know, when finding a very specific video or information was straight forward. Now if you want to find something, you have to comb through AI generated answers, click bait, lame videos that you don’t even wanna look at and you still walk away empty handed. Between that and that fact that there are no more AI bots on the internet now than actual human beings, it just gets to a point where you don’t even wanna use it anymore. It’s discouraging. The internet can be an amazing tool, no doubt, but the social media aspect and all the bots just make it all feel so disingenuous and over monetized.

Again, I know this is not new information I just genuinely wanted to vent.

And hey, I do get wanting to escape the 9-5 grind or whatever and hit the viral lottery, but the stats on the creator economy are brutal. A massive chunk of people making content literally earn nothing or under $10k a year, while a tiny fraction of them make six figures. You’re essentially working a second, unpaid job. Why? This makes it even more confusing for me. And not only that, but you’re broadcasting all kinds of personal, sensitive info to pretty much anybody that’ll watch. If that’s not desperation idk what it. And the same people will turn around and make comments about hating mass surveillance. But you’re literally putting all of you online for free. Make it make sense. And no this ain’t an ad for flock. Fuck that. But personally, I’d feel so uncomfortable sharing my day to day life with random people online, but I could at least understand it more if it were actually a lucrative thing. I’m not necessarily talking about the small or local business owners posting their goods and services. I feel like that’s different. But I’m more so talking about people recording their think pieces or 14 step skin care routines. Who cares? Maybe it’s just a me problem. I just think it’s stupid and kinda weird

Anyways I think I’m done.

Honestly I’m just so over it. Everywhere I turn it’s just so blatantly gross with how far the corporate financial side has gone. I’m not dumb it’s always been bad but now it feels honestly worst than ever.

• 10+ different subscription services for movies and shows you’ll never own physically

• subscription for music that you’ll never have on CD or vinyl

• $20,000+ cars have subscription services to use services installed in them already locked behind paywalls

• video games, subscriptions to play online, subscriptions to access game catalogues, there’s even micro transactions and subscriptions in individual games by themselves, did I mention gaming companies now telling you that soon you will pay full price for a digital license of a game that can be deleted or taken from you just because whenever

• Movie theaters, Apple/android, books, YouTube, Gym’s, Car washes, grocery stores, clothing stores, hell some people’s refrigerators have subscription services. THEY EVEN HAVE SUBSCRIPTION BASED APPS THAT MANAGE YOU’RE OTHER SUBSCRIPTIONS!!!

Give it a few years and they’ll expect you to pay for a subscription to use your toilet and if you don’t you’ll have to sit through a ad before the lid unlocks.

And the craziest part is these aren’t just $1-$3 here and there services, these are $10’s-$100’s of dollars worth of subscriptions monthly of things you will never ever own or things you already paid for but are locked behind paywalls.

I know this isn’t some new revelation, I know this has been going on for years, and that I’m basically yelling at clouds but the last 2 years specifically I feel like it has genuinely gotten so disgustingly egregious. Worst part is I’m sure we haven’t even came close to the worst of it yet.

I wish that my rapists life would be ruined like he ruined mines. But I found him on Facebook.. after looking him up. Unwise of me I know. But he's traveling the world, living his best life. Forgetting how he kissed me when I said no. How he pinned me down I said no. And how he entered me when I said no. Life isn't fair. I want the worst for him. While I struggle day to day. He's fine. Where is the karmic justice. Where is the justice. Is the world meant to play favorites?

Now I don’t know what to do. For the last year my whole life revolved around my 32 year old fiancé and her 4 kids. I woke up, worked as a stay at home dad to those in kids did my best and repeated the cycle day in and day out for a year.

For a year I tried and tried and tried and I got better yes, but eventually we each came to the conclusion that I just couldn’t be what she needed at this moment. So we mutually broke it off, and that was fine. She told me she’d help me get back on my feet in a completely new state and give me the money back that I originally gave her at the start of our relationship.

Well then after not 2 weeks she brought over another guy to fuck. Not 50 feet away from me, and it devastated me. I gave this woman my virginity, my love, my admiration and I was willing to help her in anyway I could.

I even asked her if I could get a hotel or something, anything to where I didn’t have to be in that house. But she denied and refused and it broke me. I went into a manic episode for 3 days and ended up in the hospital with what the doctors called “Stressed induced DKA” (diabetic Keto acidosis) I’m a type 1 diabetic.

Even after seeing how badly it affected me, and how much it was hurting me. She wouldn’t just put her dating life aside for one minute in order to make sure her ex fiancé didn’t end up dead. We fought she drained our joint bank account of our money and told me to “Figure it out” after giving me only a grand back. And a grand doesn’t go far these days.

Now I’m back home, in my childhood bed. Living in my dad and step mom’s house bringing all the “skills” I learned back with me but now, being back in this tiny little town. I feel more lonely than ever, the same crushing, compounding, feeling that I had before I met her is back.

Now that’s killing me. I’ve never really been happy alone, and never will be honestly. I’ve always felt like I needed someone else to be happy, with myself. But oh well… now I’m almost 20 and have basically nothing to my name.

I work as a school bus driver in Texas. I am white. The percentage of drivers and monitors are broken down (roughly) between 50% white, 30% Hispanic, and 20% black people. I was hired in a group of six people two months before the end of last school year, and three of them are black. Two of them are Hispanic, and two of us are white. We are all incredibly good friends. I speak to them all the time, and I have a bubbly personality, so I know and get along with about 75% of all the drivers and monitors. It is a large workforce, so I don't know everyone yet, but it is VERY obvious that I am VERY close to my black friends at work.

Since the two months we've worked last year, and the two and a half months we've worked this year, I have had about ten people make racist comments, and the surprising thing to me is that more than half of them are Hispanic. Unfortunately, they are almost all small enough comments that I can't make a formal complaint about it.

I have been dealing with an incredibly verbally abusive and aggressive parent since the beginning of the year who has three boys on my bus. I am always at the computer documenting the behavior of the children, the interactions with the parent, and the contact with the schools regarding it.

While I am at the computer, I keep getting annoying asshole comments like, "damn, you're here AGAIN?" "What happened today?" "Why are your kids that bad? Do you want some help?" I have to document several times a week. The comments are getting fucking OLD, and I am starting to get passive aggressive in my responses, like, "does it look like I'm here again?" "Behavior happened today," and, "no, the parents are that bad."

When someone actually asks about, "what happened today?" I give them a two sentence response, and out of NOWHERE, from a person who is friendly with other black coworkers to their faces, the person will ask, "are they black?" I have been asked a dozen times by random people, "are they black?" Or they'll say, "they're black, aren't they?" I have no clue how to respond. I get very anxious and my heart skips a beat. In the beginning I would say, "yes," and then they would say, "I knew it," or "I figured." At that point, I just stop talking, because that is my defense. Out of fight, flight, or freeze, I am typically a freeze or flight person. They got all the information they wanted, and I don't want to respond anymore.

I don't know why it bothers me the most, but when the Hispanic people express their racism, I get even more upset. I figured there would be more empathy since they are have a lot of white people with racist views toward them. But then is that a subconscious racist view of my own!? I hate how all of this makes me feel, and I hate that people just assume that I am okay with judging a whole race simply because I'm white.

Where I grew up in Florida, people at least wait to see how the other person thinks about a subject before expressing hateful viewpoints. I am VERY obviously best friends with people of color at work, and I don't hide it. Why the fuck do people do this?

Going through with no contact with my family and obviously very terrified. I’m 20F in college and my mom came to see me, and she tried to take my emotional support animal away from me after I told her I no longer want to talk to her or be in contact with anyone.

She also tried to hit me wish his leash, and acted like she was going to punch me and she told me she wasn’t. My dog was on my lap when she grabbed his leash, and she was about to hit me and my dog started shaking. I stopped her and made a run for it to my housemates room and we called the schools public safety office.

I have a therapy appointment set for tomorrow, and I talked to a crisis worker so I’m feeling calmer. I just don’t know what I’m going to do now.. I’m cutting her out of my life along with my entire family.

It feels like I live to work and pay the bills, and most of my waking moments are just commuting or in an office doing the same thing every day waiting for the weekend to come or the next paycheck. Many of my friends moved away and we don’t see each other anymore, and it’s hard to meet as they’re very busy too. And the fact that I have to earn time off from work or request it to do what I want. I felt more free and alive when I was younger even in college

I’ve been having a bit of a rough go of it at work as of late. I’m a custodian who helps clean a large high school, and for the last three years I assumed I had the biggest, worst area. Mainly because I clean the area that includes the gym and the auditorium, and while I don’t clean the gym itself except on game nights with some help from the other people in the building, and the auditorium is normally not too bad, my area is usually flooded after school with the most people; there’s always an event, like a game or a show or a concert or a band practice, always something that seems to get in the way of me doing my job. And it seems like no matter what I do, especially this year, I’ve been staying late, staying past 8 hours and, if not 9, then damn close to it. I’ve been exhausted, frustrated, tired, wanting to change areas, wanting something easier because I don’t even know how to make my area something I can do in my needed time anymore. I’ve worked it for 2-3 years now and I decided to ask my boss to be transferred. I told him I’ve been having difficulties, that there’s always some event, some bullshit, making it hard.

He told me flat out I had the easiest area in the school.

I was completely stunned. I didn’t know what to say. And the thing is, by his breakdown, it sorta made sense. He gave reasonable time frames for every room I do, told me that it took people four hours to do my area when I wasn’t there, and even called people who said they could do it in four to five hours, not eight. Granted, thats mostly in theory, without mentioning events. But apparently, even with those events, my boss thinks I should be able to have a bigger area and still finish in eight hours, and I don’t honestly know how.

I’ve gotten into trouble already, almost got a write up last week for leaving trash in the hallway, and now I’m scared I could lose my job because it seems like no matter what I do, I’m the worst employee who takes the most time to do the simplest shit even when I felt like I had the worst. Shit, It took me even longer to do my area last night; I started at 2:30, and ended at 12:15. And part of that was just having the conversation about wanting to transfer but still.

I’m scared and I’m tired and no matter what happens it seems like I don’t know what to do or how to go about finishing my area when everyone seems convinced it’s the easiest shit in the world.

I come from a super strict religious family who thinks halloween is shaytan and terrible and attracts the devil so I have never once. in my entire childhood. experienced halloween and it KILLS ME because not only is it my FAVORITE holiday with its vibes and how fun it is, my birthday is also near it, fall is my favourite season, etc. etc. but my parents have never let me participate in any holiday and I have all these characters I love and im super into online fandom spaces sine i was like 10 (behind my parents' backs ofc) and cosplay as a whole and I have amazing friends who love and support me who are also cosplayers but im so jealous that they have parents that lets them actually do things. I wish i was white. i wish they weren't so religious and i wish i wasn't gay. i hate this sm

my parents are in no way abusive but they're just so controlling it kills me that we've had 3 years so far of school during halloween and there was a dress down day (my school has uniform) on halloween specifically so people can come to school in their costumes and i just. don't have one. like i'm just wearing normal clothes (which i hate but guess what. im also not allowed to have clothes I like. so i have like 3 shirts I recycle every single dress down day and people are noticing I repeat them and i hate it so so much why can't i just have clothes bru) I want to do halloween so bad.

im literally crying im going to be an adult soon and it's my last year of highschool its the last year my friends and I are all together and I can't even celebrate halloween. I can't even get candy. I can't even put on cool halloween makeup in a discreet way because I don't have any makeup to do that with!! im so sad. I've wasted my entire childhood. I won't get to have cute child-like halloween parties in uni without my friends and when im an adult im scared im going to be too busy or too old and have nobody to do it with.

i can't move out early either because I'm not doing residence and i have no job and won't be allowed to have a job unless I get one behind my parents' backs which is crazy that I need to do that in the first place. I'm very privileged in a normal sense that I have loving friends and food and shelter and my parents are definitely not in financial need but sometimes i feel like I'll never escape and be able to be myself and have fun with the things I love, and we all only live once and i just wasted all my childhood responsibility-less years away being micromanaged. sorry if this rant was incomprehesible/all over the place, my emotions are getting the better of me rn

Hey guys, I am immensely upset and bawling because of the conversation with my son's father. My son is 5 and special needs. He has been diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, and SPD. I have accompanied my son out of town to spend time with his sister and relatives on his father's side. They have also all come to my home as well. His dad called and said since he have a new girlfriend he feels awkward being around me. I said invite her to Florida too so I can meet her because I genuinely don't want you. Basically he wants to take my son 8 hours away from where we live and I am not comfortable with that he and his family are in denial about my son's diagnosis. And he is a Marine and does not see children as equals but do whatever he says. Although my son can blend well with neurotypical kids doesn't mean he doesn't need support. I told him I will stay in my own Airbnb and Uber around but if my son wants me drop him off with me. And he is acting as if I am being unreasonable. He insulted me saying I can't hear right and I was hearing things when I told him he was making me upset and I am no longer interested in talking and he started taunting me saying oh how mature and I hung up.

I just want to give up on everything, I’m running on fumes. I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to sleep, god, my body is so exhausting to take care of. Why can’t I just close my eyes and never open them? I don’t want to do the super drastic thing, not at all, I just don’t have any willpower to keep going. Nobody cares about me, I have a shitty fucking work nickname, all I do is smoke weed and play games to pass the time now. I used to exercise.

Tw: death.

I feel so bad my pet mouse died last night and what's worse I did nothing. I saw she was dieing and I held her. She looked in pain and I just held her (I cant drive I told my parents sthey said to just hold her) it was late I was a fool and tired. I put her down so I could sleep. It was only 11. She was cold when I woke up and I feel like shit for abandoning her instead of holding her and being where she needed me. I'm at school and can't do nothing knowing she's still in her cage. I couldnt take her out to sad and my dad said he would but I feel it's worse not knowing if I'd get to say my very last goodbyes and that she's just gonna go I the trash. They don't care for her as much as me and don't want a rotting corps. I feel bad knowing she died alone and is now just rotting in her cage until 9 or she dosnt get to hear me say goodbye and gets tossed in the trash. I wish I wasn't a fool and stayed up later to let her die in my hands rather then in her hut alone.

I have been in survival mode for close to a year, spending everyday just trying to survive it. But as time has gone on I've come full circle back to wanting to live my life again.

When I am old and gray I want to know that even if I have regrets I did the best with what I had and enjoy my limited amount of time.

Recently I've started running at night, and yk its fall so its chilly but feeling the cold air and if its rained seeing the shimmer on the ground is just something else yk?

I just want more things like that I want to appreciate it all before it goes.

Our time here is so small it's crazy.

I’ll treat this like a journal rn. I was scrolling on (blank) in the morning, bc my Duolingo stops me from going on other social media in the morning. I passed this one post titled “my dad’s art who died in sept. 2026”. I pause my fast scrolling to check it out. I see there is 6 slides. The first one is beautiful, it’s a sculpture. Clay rectangle that has a bunch of weird dream type faces. In between are some random beads, and random color things. I see that these will be very eccentric and interesting so I’m down to see the other 5. Then before I know it I’m at the last one! I’m thinking, wasn’t there like 6? I feel like I would’ve been scrolling for a while. But whole time, when I scrolled back I realized I did see them all.
What I’m emphasizing is I’m so used to scrolling fast that I’m hardly noticing how much information I’m given on my phone all the time. And I’m running pass so much information that I could really take my time to intake.

I’m going to take my time today.

It's beyond saddening at this point, I let it go, all the hurt, all the confusion and I was your number one fan, but you had to have known this is how it was going to go?

I just got back to feeling like myself again, and feeling confident and accepting that we would just be friends, frankly I was thrilled you wanted me around at all after some of the things I've said and how immaturely I have handled some situations. But after everything you said last night...

I can't accept that you genuinely love someone who treated you that way more than me, it sounds crazy; yeah he's the father of your child, but like you said you never had to pretend around me and you could be yourself, and I never had to learn to love you, it just happened. You either lied to my face or strung me along longer than necessary, like always, I was supporting you as much as I could even though I wasn't around. That week you had off of your meds where was he? Where is he when you aren't taking your meds in the morning? I wasn't even in the country and I was there for you even though my holiday was to have some space from you because if you can't tell I am fucking in love with you, have been, always will be.

Im not sure you even realised that this was always a choice between having both of us in your life or just him, I can't blame you for your decision you're doing what you think is right. I just hope it turns out right for you. I'm upset, angry and most of all betrayed, you have someone to fall back on, to comfort you. That hug you gave me the other night is probably the last one I'll have for a while so yours better be worth it.

I HATE THIS CASE I HATE THIS DRUG I HATE EVERYTHING I HATE THE SHIT IT REMINDS ME OF IM FUCKING TIRED AND I HATE MYSELF SO FUCKING BAD. IM SORRY THIS IS GOING TO BE FUCKING LONG AND INCOHERENT FUCKKK IM NOT OKAY

I was feeling horrible for quite a while, just a low, extreme. I'm kind of in a limbo, sometimes I have a brief moment of "hey, I can move on, get my shit together" but then reality just fucking hits me and I'm miserable.

This case hit me recently. Yeah, sure, I've heard a lot about it before, but I didn't look into it, I'm too caught up in my own shit and I've lost the ability to think much about anything, all I can do is rot. So I'm too tired to look into the case well...and it's reminding me.

Ketamine specifically. I had this low point at sixteen, idk why I did it, but I slept with a man in his 30s because he offered me ketamine and vodka. So he took me to a hotel, I got drunk and high off my ass, couldn't do anything, tried to say that it hurts bad when he was trying to fuck me (couldn't do it) but he did it anyway, I bled a lot, then the k3tamine hit, then I don't remember anything for a while clearly for a bit, just thinking of everything, I think I was saying I wanted to go home and he got annoyed with me, then I started vomiting so it got worse, I got sick, he tried to do it again after I was done throwing up but I begged him not to, I think I cried, idk if he did it again but I felt the bed shaking? Then I managed to somehow get dressed when he told me to, he had to drag me to his car, I asked him to leave me at one area that was near the area I lived but he left me somewhere random, so I was high as shit on the streets trying to make it back home for quite a bit. He was pissed I guess, I clearly wasn't into him, or any of this, but I just wanted to get high before I died, maybe also wanted to hurt myself too cause I'm not into men and this was a horrible experience for me (MY FAULT I KNOW I DID IT) so I just hurt myself, pissed the guy off, ruined everything, hated myself...I remember it all hurt after a week and I regretted it. Hell, I regretted it midway but I was too high by that point. I lived in panic and self hate for a while, then kinda moved on, but guilt hits again and again and again from time to time and I keep remembering random moments from it. Especially when I see "absolut vodka" hear about "k3tamine" or a specific kind of s3x story. Or a specific kind of phenotype. Certain types of shirts...

And Cornell 7 stuff just reminded me of it. Cause k3tamine, s3x, obviously...but also the backlash Jane doe received. It just reminds me of the same shit I heard from 2 different people I vented to about it, therapist, my mother when she found out (after my su1c1d3 3tt3mpt, when I was in the hospital, they searched my stuff and found smth, I don't even wanna explain)... I feel like it's some sort of cosmic destiny to remind me of my pathetic nature and lead me...well, to the right path for me. I don't think I can say here. I have seen more cosmic destiny signs, reminders of everything I've done are everywhere. Maybe something up there is communicating...I don't even know. I usually don't believe, I haven't for years, besides my psychotic episode.

I'm so fucking sensitive. BAD S3X HAPPENS? WHY DID IT FUCKING FUCK ME OVER? ITS MAKING EVERYTHING WORSE

I fucking hate this. This is making everything in my life 100x more difficult. I can't live where I want, can't move for better job opportunities, limited options going back to school, flip flopping child back and forth, daycare in a different city, child not going to my school district. I hate everything about this. I wish I never met my daughter's mother. I wish my daughter came out of someone else.

I have so much stuff in mind i would do if i had friends. God i crave this so much:( i have so much fun stuff inside me and i just wanna share it and have the time of my life. But no. I have no one. I am in my room waiting for time to pass…life to pass…

For a little more than 2 months now I have been dealing with pretty much any sort of medical symptoms possible. For the first month I had to deal with constant bad chest pain and dizziness. Now it's like a cycle of different things like dizziness, chest pain, shortness of breath, fatigue, difficulty eating, difficulty using the restroom, sleep issues, pain in my arms and feet, stomach pain, and a weird machine gun heartbeat I feel in my fingers. Now I have been to 5 different doctors and been tested for a ton of serious stuff and so before you say it I have been tested for heart attacks and stuff like that( although my heart did have a PVC). These things have made it impossible for me to function like a regular human being. I just want to hang out with my family and boyfriend normally but I can't. I am stuck in bed all day because it is the only way to slightly relieve the symptoms. I have been given so many different medications which either did nothing or made things worse. The biggest problem I am having is 2 of the doctors I saw said it's prolly anxiety(although they walked in confident it was anxiety before I said anything). Another doctor I saw is unsure what is causing it but thinks there is a very real possibility it's anxiety(I trust her). The problem is it's impossible to cure these symptoms if it's anxiety because I have been insanely depressed and anxious about my symptoms(and nothing else btw). I really just wish I had a diagnosable condition at this point even if it's like cancer or something( although I really don't want to die). I have tried so many things to calm my anxiety and nothing is working. I just want to feel normal again. I don't know why I am choosing to vent here. Maybe I just want to get it off my chest, maybe I just want people to hear me, maybe I am praying a doctor happens to stumble across me venting and be like "yo I know what your problem is" but idk I just will do anything at this point :(

i know ive posted before but i dont know what do anymore, ive been to the er twice atp and they kept neglecting me my body hurts. my chest hurts my neck hurts i dont wanna move anymore. i feel horrible. i dont wanna leave my boyfriend behind. i dont wanna leave anyone behind. i dont want to die.

i feel like im gonna die soon, this has to be cancer nothing else could make me feel like this. and that means it already too late. im going to die arent i. its over. i failed him. im a failure. my genetics are a failure. theres lumps all over my necks and now my ribs hurt. i know im going to die. im scared. something save me.

i feel like death, i dont even wanna move around anymore. i dont energy to move my body much. all my tests were negative for most various pathogens. that only leaves one thing left right? do i just lay here and die. can i even requeat a ct scan at a er. i just feel like i have to sit here and die

i spent most of my birthday feeling awful at the hospital what a way to celebrate being 23 i hate living, all it is revolves around me being afraid of leaving it. im so scared. im terrified im so scared. i dont want to die.

I rlly feel like no one will get me, and I'm serious. my alcohol addiction is rlly bad:/

and I feel like I don't get to speak here bc I'm way too deep in my shit