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Hello, I'd appreciate any advice or personal input on this

I'm 17F and struggle with

-extreme procrastination

(used to feel motivated by it, but now even waiting until last second doesn't give me enough stress to get all my work done)

-feeling terrible and stressed from task paralysis

-struggle with keeping my room tidy

(I'll get super energetic, plan to clean everything, and then get a complete energy crash and stop in the middle of everything, leaving my room a mess)

-extreme fatigue

(There's so much I want to do but thinking about it just makes me lay there not doing anything but stressing about what I want to do)

-major mood swings

(diagnosed with depression and PMDD too)

-burnout

My brother (26) is diagnosed with ADHD, and he let me try adderall for one day (I know its bad to share medicine).

For once, I felt like the list of things I had to do wasn't as overwhelming but that I could handle each task one by one, and I felt calm, stable energy throughout the day (I have bad caffeine dependence, and have 300mg+ a day to try to force myself to get my homework done).

I also finally brought in a desk into my room that's been sitting outside since May, and I got homework done.

I felt super "normal" for once if that makes sense

After this, my parents were mad because they said it shows I dont have ADHD and Im just lazy without discipline because I was able to be productive and get work done from adderall, but I'm really struggling with organizing my life to where I feel extreme burnout and just complete stress.

Should I try to convince my parents to let me see a doctor, or does my reaction to adderall show that I likely don't have ADHD, because I was able to finally do my work and clean my room only because of the adderall?

Any advice helps, thank you!

I’m not officially diagnosed but I truly think I have it and others have mentioned it as well. I have always struggled with being behind and always being 34 steps behind in academics and certain aspects of life. It always takes me much longer to understand and grasp certain topics than others no matter how simple the concepts are. And it’s really taking a toll on me and ruining my sense of worth. I really do not want be on meds.

I rly like my enthusiasm and energy about some things and I don’t wanna lose that. I love so intensely and I’m so extra about certain things. I understand that it gets a bit much for ppl and I’ve seen it but I don’t want that taken away. I feel my brain running a million miles per hour and I want it to be more simple and just.. less? I question absolutely everything and I always need to ask for help but it always pushes people past the limit where they’re trying not to show they’re annoyed but obviously me being me, it’s obvious. I can pick up on ppls mood SO FREAKING EASILY and it’s hard to look past that.

I like to think I’m smart in certain areas like cleaning, knowing how to love, taking of people, being detail oriented and I’ve been complimented on those aspects but when it comes to deadlines, keeping my word, responsibilities, expectations, controlling my tongue and my anger, lack of patience, I’m so lost and frustrated. This might sound obnoxious but I just wish the world can slow down so I can catch up a bit. Idk what I want out of this exactly but I just felt like it’d be nice to get it out in this community.

When I was 20, I was told I had bipolar disorder or BPD by multiple psychiatrists. I knew this wasn't right though because I didn't relate much to many of the symptoms brought on by them.

Due to this, I went through an entire psychological evaluation in order to reach a diagnosis, but all they said was I have severe social anxiety. They encouraged me to come back and test again a year later because the psychologist thought I may have autism or ADHD but needed further data to verify. I didn't go back because it was $5,000 the first time and I was a broke college kid with marketplace insurance.

Fast forward 10 years later (now), and I know it's ADHD. My family has a history of ADHD and autism (sometimes combined) that I learned since my evaluation. I've been to a few therapists throughout the years and all have encouraged me to seek a diagnosis for ADHD. I have been able to manage most symptoms myself with tips and tricks I've learned from others. But, I still struggle so much and often get depressed about how much effort I have to give to continue living like everyone else.

This has led me to consider medicating myself. I have been a strict no meds person since my 20s because I was put on meds that were meant for a disorder I do not have and it ruined me. But now, I think I need it. I certainly need more help than I can give myself naturally.

So, what do I need to do? Where do I even start?

Hey everyone!
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD for a few years now, but I’d never actually treated it with medication before because I have other mental health conditions and was already taking a lot of strong meds. Around mid-April this year, I realized there was no way I could manage college with my ADHD, so I had to get a prescription.
However, I’ve noticed that the effects wear off much faster for me than they seem to for other people, and when they do, I experience this horrible feeling of emptiness and lack of motivation. I have depression, GAD, and BPD, so it ends up making everything even worse. I’ve tried everything: benzodiazepines, several different medications for anxiety, and nothing seems to help with the emotional distress Vyvanse causes me. Ritalin was even worse for me.
I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like my life has been ruined, but I can’t just stop taking it because, besides the fact that I’ve already developed a dependence on it and become unbearable and depressed without it, I need it to be productive. Anyone with ADHD knows exactly what I mean 🥲.
I wanted to know if anyone here has experienced something similar and if it got better over time, or if you have any tips for coping with this emptiness. I feel like I can’t keep living like this. Once the effects wear off, I turn into an NPC. I’ve lost my personality, my essence, everything. I can only function socially if I have 70+ mg of Vyvanse in my system. It’s no longer just about studying; it’s become a way to escape.
(One thing I think is important to mention: I struggled with cocaine dependence for 7 months, mainly because I wanted to be able to focus and study. I’ve been clean for 10 months now. But since Vyvanse is also a stimulant, I wonder if my past cocaine use might have increased my tolerance to the medication.)

I'm an adult woman with ADHD, and I've been using tampons for a year now. I've had this happen twice: I forgot to take out the old tampon before inserting the new one. Luckily I noticed the old tampon when I was changing it, but both times it happened like that... I really need to be more careful - being so careless just isn't good

Lately I've noticed the lazier side of me coming out. For the first part of the day, despite being on Wellbutrin and Vyvanse, I mainly sit on the couch, play video games, and scroll on my phone.

I'm brushing off bigger projects, constantly feeling like I don't have the energy to invest in anything. Even when I paint, I have no intentions. I'm just slapping paint onto the canvas without slowing down enough to make a straight line.

I also am taking a class and my teacher is fast with her lectures and also monotoned. I cant process hardly ANYTHING she's saying.

I keep thinking I might need my Vyvanse upped. But I'm not sure. I feel like i just had them upped last spring so I feel weird about upping them again.

My biggest thing is I don't want to keep upping my Vyvanse and then get to the highest dosage and then i can't up them if I really really need to. I had some personality changes when I took Adderall so I can't really add an IR to my regimen once I'm at the highest dose of Vyvanse. and Wellbutrin only helps a little with my ADHD.

How often do you guys up your meds? Maybe it'll convince me to to just bite the bullet and have my psychiatrist up them.

Hello,

My name is Nicole Yoder, and I am conducting a research study to fulfill the requirements for a doctorate degree in clinical psychology at The Chicago School. My study focuses on the experience of being in a romantic relationship with someone who has ADHD. If this study is relevant to you, your romantic partner, or someone you may know, your consideration in participating is greatly appreciated.

You may participate in this study if:

1.     You are 18 years of age or older, and;

2.     You are in a romantic relationship with a person formally diagnosed with ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder), and;

3.     You have been in this romantic relationship for at least one year, and;

4.     You share a primary residence with your romantic partner, and;

5.     You are not diagnosed with ADHD yourself

During this study, you will be asked to complete a survey on SurveyMonkey and answer a variety of questions pertaining to your relationship, and some questions about yourself. This will take approximately 10-15 minutes. Measures will be taken to ensure data is kept confidential. Participation is voluntary and you may withdraw at any time.

As my gratitude to you for completing this survey, you may participate in an optional raffle for a chance to win a gift bundle of books and resources for ADHD relationships. However, if you decide to participate in this raffle, you will lose anonymity as your email will be needed to enter.

If you are interested in participating, follow this link: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/romantic_partners_of_ADHD_adults

If you have any questions, please contact me as noted below.

Thank you for your participation!

Nicole Yoder (Principal Investigator)

[nyoder@ego.thechicagoschool.edu](mailto:nyoder@ego.thechicagoschool.edu)

Gilly Koritzky, PhD (Dissertation Chair)

[gkoritzky@thechicagoschool.edu](mailto:gkoritzky@thechicagoschool.edu)

IRB: IRB-FY25-334

​

Dus ik zit in het begin tot midden van mijn tienerjaren, en ik en heel veel mensen waar ik dicht bij sta, denken al een tijdje (zo’n 7 jaar of zo) dat ik misschien ADHD heb. En de laatste tijd ben ik gaan nadenken om me te laten testen, omdat ik nog op school zit en ik echt veel te veel moeite heb om gewoon stil te zitten en mijn huiswerk te maken, of om eten te pakken, want het is like 16:00 en alles wat ik heb gegeten is één koekje, of om dat boek te lezen dat ik binnen ongeveer 2 weken af moet hebben, of om te studeren voor die toets op maandag, waar ik NIET over hoefde te stressen als ik er gewoon al voor had geleerd. Maar ik ben bang dat ze me gewoon gaan zeggen: "je doet gewoon niet hard genoeg" "je hebt helemaal geen ADHD" en dat het dan misschien gewoon zo is dat ik lui ben of dom, of dat ik het gewoon beter moet plannen. Maar ik doe echt mijn best, echt waar!

Ik weet alleen niet wat ik moet doen als blijkt dat ik misschien toch geen ADHD heb. Sorry, dit is echt heel lang, ik moet dit gewoon ergens kwijt, overal.

I recognize I have ADHD, and it is genuinely frustrating. Although I have not received confirmation, I told my husband I would consider Adderall if prescribed. He refused outright, fearing the side effects—even though he has ADHD as well. I am tired of how I feel. I do not wish to act behind my husband’s back, yet I want to feel normal and lead a normal life. What associations arise when you hear ADHD? I experience that and additional conditions.

I was diagnosed at 40 at the beginning of this year, 11 months postpartum. Hashimotos with postpartum basically brought me down to my knees leading to the diagnosIs. One of the biggest triggers during this hell was my cousin who I used to be super close to. But during my pregnancy and postpartum she distanced herself (because of her constant judgment of how I was and behaved), was sarcastic and just difficult. I put her on a pedestal so rejection from her was the hardest leading to years unhealthy dynamic where I masked to seek her validation. I no longer had the mask or the energy when I was drowning. At the time of the diagnosis, I had hit rock bottom.

Medicine and somatic therapy saved me. But it also made me realise the concept of safety. I never felt safe around her. And because she was the centre of my extended family, I associated getting her validation with getting the family’s validation. After my breaking point early this year and the diagnosis, I decided to give the child in me a chance. I let go of her and as a consequence, the extended family. I spent years feeling unsafe, misunderstood, feeling like I was “too much”. No more.

But I don’t know what to do with the grief - the loss I experienced. The what could have been, losing family, being misunderstood and seeing everyone move on makes RSD as real as it was when I was 10 years old. I don't know how to deal with the loneliness, knowing I have no one by my side, and at 40, no friends with whom I can be myself.

It has been a hard day today. I stand by my decision. I just wish it wasn’t so hard.

PS: I also posted on ADHDwomen. Posting here because I just want to feel heard by those who understand.

34F diagnosed ADHD when I was a child, tried adderall, mother said they “made me a zombie” so that was abandoned.  Fast forward to 2018, I was 26, prescribed adderall which put me straight to sleep. Back to rawdogging life as I wasn’t aware that all ADHD meds are not created equal and I’d made it so far, right?

Fast forward again, November 2025, prescribed vyvanse, titrated and found the sweet spot. My life has improved immeasurably: reduced executive dysfunction, sleep habits, my focus is more direct-able, I can better organize my thoughts. 

The best part for me, upstairs is quieter; however what I didn’t expect was how much louder outside would become. I’m much more aware of sensory sensitivities, how literally I can interpret things, how much I rely on clear/explicit information, my need for accuracy, correctness(so much so that i've missed many points by getting stuck on one detail) and how difficult it can be to put what I’m thinking or feeling into words on the spot. They seem to have their own volume knob: overwhelm, stress, how much i'm carrying have their hands all over it

I don’t think any of those things are new or "worse". I think without my mind being so busy, attention span of a gnat and all of my thoughts competing for it -things that used to whisper now scream.

I’m very heavily considering an evaluation. I’d like to better understand myself and maybe in turn, be understood. If I can see the mechanics, I can work with them rather than against them. I’ve always felt like something was off, like everyone around me deals with and feels the same things and they must simply be better at handling them.

My explanations, always an excuse rather than my experience or intentions. My questions, seen as arguments or being disagreeable rather than wanting all of the information. Being told I’m too sensitive, my highs are high and my lows are low (no shit brother), I don’t listen, countless other things. 

Never did the spectrum cross my mind until my partner mentioned it, then a coworker, then I presented it to my therapist and was told “that isn’t my long shirt but I can absolutely see it” (cue me imagining without an image(aphantasia) my tiny therapist in a very long shirt). I’ve taken the RAADS (172 the first of many times) along with every other self assessment imaginable and here I am. 

I guess I started this to ask, does any of this resonate with anyone? 

I don’t expect closure to come with an evaluation or potential diagnosis, just some hope of understanding.

Repost of Research Study Recruitment

Hello Everyone again

I’m still looking for research participants and I just need a few more.

I would be grateful for every individual who is willing to participate or share it, since the topic is really important (and close to my heart)(coming from a woman with ADHD).

Obviously participation is optional and you don't have to if you don't feel comfortable. This post has been approved by the moderators and they have all the contact details they need.

I'm doing a study about the impact of ADHD symptoms on daily life in relation to the menstrual cycle for my dissertation. The aim is to add to the research for better understanding and treatment/management for menstruating individuals. The study has been approved by the ethics committee of Arden university.

I'm looking for participants who are 18+, have an official diagnosis and have a regular menstrual cycle (between 21-35 days). It doesn't matter if you take medication for your ADHD or not, both are welcome!

It is not possible to participate if you take hormonal birth control or other psychiatric medication (apart from ADHD meds), have a gynaecological condition that impacts the regularity of your cycle, or if have had an abortion or pregnancy in the past 6 months.
If you have PMDD that is not diagnosed, doesn't impact the regularity of your cycle and take no psychiatric medication for this, you are more than welcome to participate

Participation includes taking a daily questionnaire about the impact of symptoms on your day for 35 days. The daily questionnaire takes about 1-2 minutes.

Sadly no reward for participation is possible, since that is not an option at my university.

For more information or participation you can scan the Qr code on the poster below or click on this link:

https://forms.cloud.microsoft/e/B1uRrfkVZc

If you have further questions do not hesitate to send me an email.

Friendly reminder to drink water and take your meds! Have an amazing, productive, and most importantly, enjoyable day 👊♥️♥️♥️ ADHD is a super power 💥

On October 2025, I (20F) went to a psychiatrist and was tested for OCD, Autism, and ADHD that took about six hours to complete. She called me a month later and explained my results to me and explained that all my symptoms and results support an ADHD diagnosis, except that my processing speed was my strongest skill on the IQ test. She explained that this isn’t usually the case and believed that my OCD can appear as ADHD with similar symptoms.

I have been a year now that i’ve been in exposure therapy, and i’ve made a lot of progress, but I still heavily resonate with many difficulties that I believe may be tied to ADHD. She did tell me in 2025 that if I receive treatment for OCD and still struggle with symptoms, that I should consider looking deeper into an ADHD diagnosis. But that cost 1200 and I do not wish to look deeper into a diagnosis to be told the exact same thing about my processing speed disproving adhd, thus why I’m asking this subreddit. :-)

Thank everyone in advance, I tried to not ramble on or go in depth about my symptoms or diagnosis because that is not the root of my question.

Hello! I'm 36 F, and I've been medicated for ADHD consistently for 5 years, and am currently on 40 mg Lisdexamfetamine (generic Vyvanse). I also take 10 mg extra for the week before my period and first few days I'm menstruating (I also tried Dexedrine and Ritalin, but have finally figured out my ideal med combo, which has been great).

Long story short, my partner and I planned a spontaneous trip to Japan, and we leave in 4 days. Unfortunately I literally just found out yesterday that prescribed Lisdexamfetamine is illegal to bring into Japan without the proper import forms, which take 2 weeks to process. We impulsively booked this trip less than 2 weeks ago, so it didn't even occur to me to look into Rx medication restrictions. I know Japan is super strict with their drug laws, so even though we will be gone for almost 3 weeks, I've accepted that I just won't be able to bring my medication. This whole situation feels full of ADHD-irony...

I'm freaking out a bit though as I haven't been unmedicated in a long time, and I also have an incoming triple whammy of feeling like human garbage - I'm sure withdrawal from my meds will be crappy on its own, but I'm adding in jetlag, AND my period is supposed to start the day after we arrive in Japan... I usually feel really tired, foggy, apathetic and/or depressed, irritable, and get headaches, back pain, and cramps before and during my period, so I'm stressed enough about being in that state at the start of our trip...

It's Saturday, and we leave on Tuesday, so I won't have time to talk to my doctor about taking Ritalin or something else that is allowed in Japan. I know it is not ideal, but I don't have any other choice than to go off my meds cold turkey for the next 3 weeks... I'm hoping the excitement of being in Japan will give me the dopamine boost I need to get through all the withdrawal and feeling shitty. So I'm posting in the hopes that maybe I'll get some advice or reassurance! Has anyone else had to travel without their meds and/or had to stop their meds cold turkey? Specifically Lisdexamfetamine or Vyvanse, as I think Adderall has worse withdrawal symptoms.

As an aside, I already told my partner about this problem, so he knows I'll be a total mess and will need extra support to get through the triple whammy haha. He's neurotypical and far more organized than me, so thankfully I can lean on his executive functioning at least haha.

Thank you in advance!

I was recently taken off of my twice daily immediate release 15mg Adderall that I have been taking for about 2 years and put on concerta ER 27mg and 5mg IR in the afternoon. For some context, I see a family medicine nurse practitioner on a military base due to insurance, I get a 3 month prescription, and she does not answer to doctors or psychiatrists before prescribing meds. Also, medication does not last long in my system no matter which medication I try, how much sleep I get, water intake, diet, routine, etc., and I have previously communicated this to her. At my last appointment I had told her that days I have a test(I am a college student), I will split one of my doses in half for the test and then take the other half about 2-3 hours later or else the side effects of the medication wearing off will make me miserable at school. I then will take the second pill, either in its entirety or split again, depending on how long I am studying that day. So all in all, I am taking my prescribed dose, but will occasionally split the pills depending on my schedule. This was not perfect for me, but I was trying my best, plus before doing this, I had asked my therapist, a family member who is a psychiatrist, and my previous psychiatrist I had before moving states if splitting the medication was ok. Everyone said it was fine, so I continued this routine. Keep in mind that I also tried to ask her about splitting the meds through an online patient portal system and by phone, but I got no response. At my last appointment, after explaining that I sometimes split the medication, she straight up said “it sounds like you’re trying to get high and get high more often by splitting it”. This shattered me because I already struggle with doctor appointments and the stigma around taking a stimulant, and to be told this by my prescriber for what felt like a judgement with no factual evidence, really stung. After she said this, she then used an AI medication recommendation website(she told me what it was at the time, but I cannot remember the name) to change my medication to concerta. At the time of the appointment, I knew nothing about concerta and all she could tell me was that it is a different stimulant class than adderall. She then put on my documents that if concerta doesn’t work, she wants to put me on a non stimulant, which I am not comfortable with. After this experience, I knew I had to change prescribers because it was obvious to me that she does not know how to provide proper care to adhd patients. I now have an appointment with an off base psychiatrist coming up in a few days, and I am beyond nervous for the appoinment.

I was open to trying the concerta, but it legit does not work AT ALL. All it does is makes me feel disociative, which I am not trying to deal with because I have been able to heal that part of me through therapy and I am not going back. For the past few weeks I have been severly depressed, crying everyday at school because I am overwhelmed, my house is a wreck, I havn’t grocery shopped in weeks, i’m not going to the gym, I stay in bed all day wanting to sleep, I keep binge eating, and my grades are dropping when I used to be the top of my class. I have been able to very sparingly take left over pills from my past prescriptions on days I absolutely have to study, but I was still struggling and I am now out. I need my medication back and I am terrified I will not be able to get it. The only thing making me feel better is that I have records of the nurse practioner wrongfully changing my meds and proof of my tries at communication in order to prove my point.

My absolute ideal medication routine would be a vyvanze 30mg in the morning and then 2 15mg IR adderalls in the afternoon/night for studying. My days are usually from 6am-10pm with classes from 8am-5pm and studying until 10pm. I would like to take the vyvanze because I have tried it before and it has worked well, but did not last but about 5 hours, so I know I will need a booster to get through my school day. I know it is usual to be prescribed an ER and a booster IR, but due to my study routine and how long medication lasts for me, I know that I will need 2 IR 15mg boosters. I am not sure if this would be appropriate and I am worried about bringing this up because doctors NEVER believe that medication lasts so short for me, so I feel like it would come across as med seeking. Idk. If anything, I know I would prefer the IR over the vyvanze bc I am comfortable with the routine I used to have of 2IR 15mg adderalls before I was switched to concerta, so I don’t know if I should even bring up the vyvanze.

I truly need advice and I am deeply struggling. Should I even bring up the vyvanze and 2 boosters or should I keep it at just asking for my previous prescription of the 2IR’s? Because I am so bad at advocating for myself at the doctors and letting my thoughts ramble, before the appointment, I am trying to prepare a written document of my symptoms and medication wishes in order to stay on track and get my point across to hopefully limit any miscommunication. If you have any advice on what to say, what I should do about the meds, or what I can do to limit my depression, PLEASE COMMENT and please be honest with me. I know this is super long, so thank you for taking the time to read everything, I trully trully appreciate it.

I am a Master of Education student at Queen’s University conducting a study exploring how ADHD was recognized or overlooked among individuals who were socially perceived and treated as girls during K-12 schooling, and how schools can better support earlier and more equitable recognition of ADHD. I am currently looking for participants to take part in an approximately 60-minute interview about their K-12 schooling experiences.

Please see the attached recruitment poster for eligibility criteria and additional information about the study. If you are interested in participating or would like more information, please contact me using the email address provided on the poster.

I struggle to remember (or be motivated to) take my ADHD medication, but also now need to take several other daily medications. I’m considering one of those daily pill organizers, but I feel like I almost need one with some kind of visual signal of whether or not I took the medications. Or it needs to look pretty. Or there needs to be some kind of novelty to it. Hopefully this is a place where that doesn’t sound too crazy to say! Any suggestions?

Hello Everyone!

I'm currently doing a study about the impact of ADHD symptoms on daily life in relation to the menstrual cycle for my dissertation. The aim is to add to the research for better understanding and treatment/management for menstruating individuals. The study has been approved by the ethics committee of Arden university.

I'm looking for participants who are 18+, have an official diagnosis and have a regular menstrual cycle (between 21-35 days). It doesn't matter if you take medication for your ADHD or not, both are welcome!

It is not possible to participate if you take hormonal birth control or other psychiatric medication (apart from ADHD meds), have a gynaecological condition that impacts the regularity of your cycle, or if have had an abortion or pregnancy in the past 6 months.

Participation includes taking a daily questionnaire about the impact of symptoms on your day for 35 days. The daily questionnaire takes about 1-2 minutes.

Sadly no reward for participation is possible, since that is not an option at my university.

For more information or participation you can scan the Qr code on the poster below or click on this link:

https://forms.cloud.microsoft/e/B1uRrfkVZc

If you have further questions do not hesitate to send me an email.

I would be grateful for every individual who can participate or if you could even share it with people you know if you personally can’t participate, since the topic is really important (and close to my heart).

Questions that have previously come up:

-              If you do no not have a formal PMS/PMDD diagnosis (and take no psychiatric medication for it) and the PMS/PMDD does not impact the regularity of your cycle, you can participate.

-              As long as the medication is specifically prescribed for ADHD you can participate.

Anyone on this combo Adderall XR and Dex IR boosters? I personally like Dex IR over Adderall IR Im done with Vyvanse so want to try Adderall XR. Whats your experiences with this combo?

Im writing here because I'm not sure where else to put it. We both have ADHD, I have ADHD + depression/anxiety, he has ADHD + anxiety, and I think depression. He takes 25 mg Adderall, 10 IR in the morning, 15 XR in the afternoon. (He says this helps him in the evenings), he also takes 150 mg XL wellbutrin, and 2 mg guanfacine. My symptoms are pretty well managed with adderall + wellbutrin. It seems like he is in 2 states, either irritable or withdrawn. He has a business, so everytime his business gets slow, he gets so irritable. He barely has any patience with the kids, is easily frustrated with me. I've noticed it's particularly bad at night after say 8 PM. He will yell at the kids or yell at me, then wake up in the morning much calmer and say sorry. He spends a lot of time on his computer or phone instead of with the family. He kind of acts like he doesn't want to be around us anymore. He said the issue is anxiety, from my POV it really seems like he has depression because I know it can manifest as irritability in men. I'm just not sure what to do. Im not sure if t's a medication he's on or what. He didn't used to be like this. It's making it hard to be at home, I'm afraid he's going to get iimpatient and yell at the kids. Does this sound familiar to anyone and what helped?

Sooo, 1.5 years ago I finally contacted a specialist and decided that I was willing and able to pay for them to check if I have ADHD. I got tests to fill out, like MANY, and with WAY too many questions. The doctor said to try to divide them up and do one a day or something? At that moment I was thinking like yeah sure, I will do them at once, hehe. I did not.

The deadline was before the next step, I think a few weeks later, which was some computer attention test thing. I did not do the tests. I filled them out during the 3-hour drive to that computer attention test appointment while my fiancée was driving us to the specialist's office. I told the assistant what I had done, and she said, "Okay, do them properly - like not while panicking last minute in the car -, but we can't give you your next appointment until you send them back."

(By the way, during the attention test I was doing so much that I accidentally disconnected the monitor, so I had to crawl under the desk to fix it, since I was left alone in the room. Also, I don't know how long I had been looking around at one point, but the panic when I suddenly realized, "WAIT, I AM DOING A TEST!" was something else. WTF?)

Soooo, I've had many attempts at finishing them, but whenever I restart, I feel like I have to redo all the tests because I'm restarting at a different stage of my life. Some days are better, some are worse, and I just can't finish. I recently sent them an email asking if, when I finally send them back, I would have to restart the whole process. They replied that no, we can continue right where we left off, so I felt relieved. And nooow... I still just can't do them.

What do I do? Do I send them an email asking for help? I feel like there is no way out, and I'm in a really bad period of my life. Divorce is coming up due to unrelated reasons, I'm struggling at work because I can't even work properly, I have a regional specialist position since March, and it is just chaotic. I just sit there suffering and doing nothing all day, and the guilt keeps getting worse and worse and I have actual responsibilities, but I keep doing nothing, and I feel like I could fall asleep at any point during the day. I feel weak, I feel irritated, I can't relax. I am renovating the house we bought last year, my husband just basically left everything to me and moved back to his hometown + still wants half of everything I (!!!) built during our time together. I do not even know why I include this, I just feel?? I am not even sure. I just want to give up and not do all this.

\+ I'm back to smoking cigarettes after 4 years of not smoking. I've gained weight because I had to drop the gym due to financial issues + everything.

I have started going to therapy, though, and during the third session, after listening to me ramblng about work and periodically creating new "systems" for myself to be able to function, my therapist asked if I had ever been diagnosed with ADHD. I said no, but that I'm trying to get assessed, and she said she isn't a specialist in that field, but that I should try to continue with the process due to yeah.

And I just feel like I'm falling apart. I just can't finish the tests, but I know my life is chaotic, I know it would help to finally have answers and KNOW if I have ADHD or not.