I lose my shit when I hear anyone do that, just makes me want to rage

Always had a rage problem especially when playing competitive games. Just this morning I was playing marvel rivals and I was on a heavy losing streak and i lost it, screaming and raging. I did it before but since noone approached me about it I assumed noone heard. I never really had instances of people coming to me about it so I always assumed they didn't hear, or they didn't care. Just this morning someone did, and banging on my door telling me to stfu, angry about it. First time this happened, I'm so embarrassed. I know I have an anger problem but it genuinely gets worse, the more I play something competitive, especially video games. If there is rank involved I get obsessed with it, and it makes me tilt and rage so much if I lose elo or if I derank.

recently i had an incredible experience working on a project with some very talented individuals. i feel like i was finally able to mask my lack of productivity and natural professionalism, and actually did a good job. my coworkers have been extremely positive and kind to me, complimenting me on all of my hard work.
today was the last day of our project. we had a party to celebrate at a restaurant. i got drunk there and when the place closed, all of the drunk coworkers walked to a bar nearby.
we were all having fun. playing music on the jukebox, buying drinks for each other. it was a nice night. until i saw this guy. this guy i know is a pedophile.
i see him often, but always from afar. he walks and bikes around my neighborhood and it makes me fucking furious. i see this guy walking out of the bathroom. just walking right by our table. i hadn’t seen him this close before, and i think i had always known what i was going to say to him when i got close enough:
“[full name], kill yourself, you fucking pedophile.”
he walked away, out of the bar.
it just came out of my mouth. and i realized i was standing up, yelling, and my coworkers were seated, asking me what i was doing and repeating “woah.”
one of my friends there agreed with what i was saying, but i immediately felt so much guilt and shame because of the others’ reactions.
it’s certainly not like i’d feel any better if they were all behind me like “yeah, kill yourself, haha!” i just feel disgusted that they had to witness that side of me.
if it was just him and i, i would’ve gone on happily, jeering at him until he was out of sight. but people who respect me learning how much hate i hold in my heart every day makes me want to die.
one of my most understanding coworkers told me that he thought what i did was likely due to unresolved trauma. this made me cry and decide to leave.
i came home and talked to my partner about this while i was drunk, crying over my shame, and when they didn’t say exactly what i wanted to hear, i started to argue with them, and tried to prove how much this made me feel suicidal. this made my partner feel like shit, obviously, and it’s all my fucking fault. now i feel like shit. i just want to die. i wish i was never born. at least now my future is empty.

P.S. i do not plan on harming myself.

All my life my dad has been this way. He would yell, throw, and break things. Of course growing up with him I've gained the same horrible ways of expressing myself. Its terrible and I hate myself for it. Sometimes it feels like the only way to relieve my anger. I try to calm myself down, but all it does is make things worse. The act of trying to calm myself actively makes me angrier, and I'm worried. I'm angry all the time, I just try to bottle it up until it becomes too much. I have such a hatred for everything. I never asked to be born. I don't want to live in this world. I can't kill myself or it will hurt everyone I care about. I hate it. I feel trapped, like a caged animal.

I'm trying, but I don't know how to approach this. I'm really considering anger management. I don't want to be this way. I'm only twenty, I just want to fix this while I'm young, before I do something I truly regret.

hi, ive been feeling really depressed for years now and ive finally decided to tell people about it ive tried telling my friends but its hard for me too so i never do but main reason im here im getting angry and more hurt my life is good and i dont know why this is happening i have a gf and i have alot of friends but recently my closet friend pointed out my mistakes and what i do wrong and how im a bad person basically he said the reason why you get bullied and had no friends is because you twist peoples words ragebait people on purpose and argue with people to make it so u always win i haven’t heard from him in around 3 months ive been taking alot of time trying to sort myself out ive been really sad and upset because i know hes right and im a fucking loser but thats not the point i was bullied throughout my childhood alot mainly my brother he pushed me down stairs tormented me restlessly and he laughed when bad things happened to me i shrugged it off EVERYTIME because i thought it was normal one day me and my brother were hanging out with a family friend that was younger than us and he started picking on him he encouraged me to join in so i did. It felt good made me feel strong but i knew it was wrong i understood why my brother did it to me i dont do it anymore but for some reason i do it to my friends and i dont know whats wrong with me throughout my childhood i was bullied and i came home crying it got to a point where i broke through my window from pure rage after my brother made fun of me just please anyone give me any advice i know im a loser and need help but im really trying to turn myself around and turn to jesus so please any advice helps.