Thursday morning, the temple was still there.
I arrived at eight twelve.
Nothing had collapsed.
The altar had not moved.
The mail helper had left three envelopes on my desk and one note.
Funeral consultation 10:00.
Mr. Hasegawa. Mother died Wednesday.
You already spoke by phone.
Right.
The man from my day off.
I took off my coat.
Put on my glasses.
Opened the calendar.
Work again.
It felt normal.
That was useful.
Mr. Hasegawa arrived at nine fifty-three with his older sister and younger brother.
Three people.
The mother had died in hospital Wednesday morning.
Eighty-seven.
Funeral Friday afternoon.
Cremation before.
Small family.
No complicated dispute.
At least not at first.
We discussed sequence.
Names.
Timing.
Offerings.
Who would carry what.
Then the sister asked:
“Do we need to use the photograph the funeral company chose?”
“No.”
Her brother looked at her.
“They didn’t choose it. We did.”
“You chose it.”
“You said okay.”
“I said I didn’t care.”
“That is okay.”
“No, it isn’t.”
Mr. Hasegawa closed his eyes.
There.
A photograph dispute.
Again.
I almost laughed.
Did not.
“What are the options?” I asked.
The sister took out her phone.
Two photographs.
One formal.
One outside.
Their mother in a hat beside hydrangeas.
“Which do you want?” I asked.
“The flower one.”
Her younger brother said:
“She’s not looking at the camera.”
“That’s why I like it.”
“She looks distracted.”
“She was distracted.”
Mr. Hasegawa looked at me.
“Which is more appropriate?”
There.
I answered only the part that belonged to me.
“Either can be used for the funeral.”
He waited.
I did not choose.
His sister enlarged the hydrangea photograph on the screen.
“She hated having formal photographs taken.”
The younger brother looked at it longer.
Then:
“She did like that hat.”
The argument changed.
Not resolved.
Changed.
Mr. Hasegawa asked:
“Can we decide tonight?”
“Yes.”
“Does the funeral company need it earlier?”
“For printing, probably. Ask them what their deadline actually is.”
He nodded.
Practical question.
No need to invent a ritual rule.
Before leaving, Mr. Hasegawa said:
“You answered the phone yesterday even though you were off.”
“Yes.”
“You were away?”
“Yes.”
“Sorry.”
“No need.”
He hesitated.
“I thought priests didn’t really have days off.”
I almost said:
Some don’t.
Instead:
“We should.”
His sister laughed.
“Tell my brother that.”
Mr. Hasegawa looked offended.
“I take days off.”
“You answer work the whole time.”
“That still counts.”
I said nothing.
Not my marriage.
Not even a marriage.
Sibling dispute.
They left.
At eleven thirty, I found the postcard on the corner of my desk.
I had brought it from home.
I did not remember deciding to.
Apparently I had put it in my coat pocket that morning.
Kyoto.
Old temple roof.
Three sentences on the back.
Weather.
A visit.
Train delay.
Signed:
Mizuno.
I had not spoken to him in years.
Not because of an argument.
Not because anyone had said no more.
Calls became fewer.
Then none.
Familiar structure.
Different person.
I turned the postcard over again.
The phone number was not written there.
Of course.
People did not usually put their phone numbers on postcards to people who already had them.
I opened my contacts.
Mizuno.
Still there.
Old number.
Maybe current.
Maybe not.
I looked at it.
Then put the phone down.
Lunch first.
At twelve twenty, Takahashi sent:
Working?
I replied:
Yes.
Regret yesterday?
I thought.
No.
Then:
Railway museum open Saturday.
I laughed.
I have a service.
Sunday.
Check Sunday hours.
Pause.
Open.
Progress.
That was all.
I returned to lunch.
The old number remained in my contacts.
At one fifteen, I called it.
No preparation.
No message first.
That seemed impolite after so many years.
I almost hung up before the first ring completed.
Then it rang again.
Third ring.
Fourth.
Voicemail.
A recorded voice.
Older than I remembered?
Hard to tell.
This is Mizuno. I cannot answer—
I ended before the message finished.
Then immediately regretted not leaving a voicemail.
That was absurd.
I had called.
The missed call existed.
If the number was still his, he would see it.
If not, someone else would wonder why a priest from Aomori had called.
Nothing catastrophic.
I put the phone down.
At one twenty-seven, it rang.
Mizuno.
There.
I stared long enough that I nearly missed it.
Answered.
“Hello.”
Silence.
Then:
“Niioka?”
The voice was older.
Definitely.
“Yes.”
Another silence.
Then he laughed.
Not loudly.
“You’re alive.”
“So are you.”
“Apparently.”
There.
No ceremony.
No accusation.
I sat back.
“Why are you calling?” he asked.
Direct.
“I found your postcard.”
“My what?”
“Kyoto.”
Silence.
Then:
“Oh.”
He laughed again.
“That one?”
“Yes.”
“You still have that?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I keep things.”
“I remember.”
That sounded almost affectionate.
Or critical.
Probably both.
“What year was that?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“I could look.”
“Don’t.”
I smiled.
“Fine.”
Then he said:
“The train.”
“Yes.”
“How late was it?”
“You wrote that it was delayed.”
“That doesn’t answer.”
“You did not write the duration.”
“Then what kind of historical record is this?”
“Poor.”
“Throw it away.”
“No.”
He laughed.
The years contracted slightly.
Not disappeared.
Just less obstructive for a moment.
“Where are you now?” I asked.
“Still Kyoto.”
“At the same temple?”
“No.”
There.
“What happened?”
“Nothing dramatic.”
He said it quickly enough that I believed him.
“I left six years ago.”
“Left the priesthood?”
“No.”
“Then?”
“Smaller temple.”
“Your own?”
“Yes.”
I had not known.
“Congratulations.”
“Six years late.”
“Still.”
“Thank you.”
He paused.
Then:
“You?”
“Still here.”
“I assumed.”
“How?”
“You were impossible to move even then.”
“That is unfair.”
“It is accurate.”
I thought of the woman I had told Takahashi about.
Maybe not entirely unfair.
I did not bring her into this conversation.
Mizuno continued:
“I heard something about your teacher.”
There.
“My teacher died.”
“When?”
I told him.
His voice changed.
“I’m sorry.”
“Thank you.”
“Were you there?”
“Yes.”
No need for more today.
He understood enough.
Then he asked:
“Are you still doing everything yourself?”
“No.”
“Mostly yourself?”
I looked around the office.
“Less than before.”
“That is not an answer.”
“You sound like someone I know.”
“Poor man.”
I laughed.
Maybe too easily.
Fine.
We spoke for seventeen minutes.
Not years.
Seventeen minutes.
He told me about his temple.
Small.
Old roof repaired twice.
A bell he disliked.
Three neighborhood cats that treated the grounds as theirs.
His wife was well.
That surprised me.
Not that she was well.
That I had forgotten he was married.
“Your wife—”
“You forgot.”
“Yes.”
“Excellent.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, this is useful. I can tell her how memorable she was.”
“Please don’t.”
“I absolutely will.”
I remembered her first name halfway through his next sentence.
Yuko.
I interrupted.
“Yuko-san.”
Too late.
He laughed hard enough to cough.
“She will appreciate the recovery.”
He asked whether I had married.
“No.”
“Still?”
“Yes.”
“Anyone?”
There.
Large question.
From someone absent for years.
I could say no.
I could say not today.
I chose smaller.
“There was someone.”
Mizuno became quiet.
“Serious?”
“Yes.”
“What happened?”
“We wanted different lives.”
True.
Incomplete.
Enough for this call.
He did not ask further.
Good.
Then came the obvious question.
“Why did we stop talking?”
I laughed.
“You too?”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
I had answered the same question with Takahashi days earlier.
This time the answer was even less clear.
“You moved.”
Mizuno said:
“So did phones.”
“Yes.”
“You stopped calling.”
“So did you.”
“Yes.”
Silence.
Then he said:
“I think we were both lazy.”
Maybe.
Not morally lazy.
Relationally.
Assuming another month made no difference.
Then another.
“Probably.”
Mizuno continued:
“I thought about calling when I changed temples.”
“You should have.”
“You could have called anytime.”
“Yes.”
“So could you.”
“Yes.”
There.
No winner.
No injured party established.
Two people who had not called.
Then he asked:
“Are you calling because something happened?”
I looked at the postcard.
“No.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“No funeral question?”
“No.”
“No sect business?”
“No.”
“No one sent you?”
“No.”
He waited.
“Then why?”
I thought of Takahashi asking me the same kinds of questions.
Why coffee?
Why now?
What for?
The answer had become easier.
“I wanted to know how you were.”
Silence.
Longer.
Then Mizuno said:
“Ah.”
Just that.
I could hear something in it.
Surprise.
Maybe relief.
Maybe nothing I should name.
Then:
“I’m all right.”
“Good.”
No.
He laughed.
“You still say that?”
“What?”
“Good.”
“I am apparently being persecuted for a normal word.”
“I remember you used to say it after people gave factual reports.”
“That sounds efficient.”
“It sounded like grading.”
I stared at the desk.
Takahashi would be delighted.
“I have been told this recently.”
“Then listen to them.”
“Unfortunately.”
At the end, I said:
“We should talk again.”
Mizuno did not immediately agree.
That mattered.
He said:
“Maybe.”
There.
Not rejection.
Not yes.
Maybe.
I waited.
He continued:
“I’m bad at phone calls.”
“You answered.”
“Today.”
“Yes.”
Then:
“If you come to Kyoto, call.”
There.
Conditional.
Real.
“I will.”
“And if I come north?”
“Call.”
“Good.”
No.
I almost laughed.
He did.
“You did it again.”
“Goodbye, Mizuno.”
“Goodbye, Niioka.”
The call ended.
I sat with the phone in my hand.
No reunion scheduled.
No weekly coffee.
No recovered friendship declaration.
No promise that we would now speak regularly.
Seventeen minutes.
That was what happened.
I had called an old number.
The person was still there.
Different temple.
Same laugh.
Married to Yuko, whose name I had nearly forgotten.
That was enough.
No.
I smiled.
There was no need to ban the word entirely.
At two, work returned.
A funeral company called about Friday.
The Hasegawa family had chosen the hydrangea photograph.
Deadline met.
No further issue.
I wrote it in the funeral note only because the funeral company needed to know which photograph had been selected.
Not because the choice required philosophical preservation.
Hydrangeas.
Done.
At three thirty, the woman from the earlier memorial dispute called.
The one who had invited her late husband’s brother.
“I decided.”
“Yes?”
“He’s coming.”
“Okay.”
“I’m still angry.”
“Yes.”
“He knows.”
That was new.
“You told him?”
“Yes.”
“What did you say?”
“That I want him at the memorial and I’m still angry about what happened before my husband died.”
“And?”
“He said he knows.”
Pause.
“Then he apologized.”
I waited.
“Did that help?”
“A little.”
There.
Not everything.
A little.
Then she said:
“I thought if I invited him, I had to act like we had reconciled.”
“No.”
“I know that now.”
No need for me to add.
She continued:
“He asked if I wanted to talk before the memorial.”
“Do you?”
“Not yet.”
“What did you tell him?”
“Not yet.”
Good.
No.
I left it.
“Then we’ll keep the memorial plan as arranged.”
“Yes.”
Call ended.
Actual movement.
No miracle.
At four fifteen, Takahashi called.
“Coffee?”
I looked at the desk.
Work mostly finished.
“Yes.”
“Temple?”
“Yes.”
“Twenty minutes.”
“Drive normally.”
“Always.”
“That is false.”
“Mostly.”
He hung up.
Twenty-three minutes later, he arrived.
No comment.
He sat.
I made coffee.
He looked at the postcard on my desk.
“What’s that?”
There.
I had forgotten to put it away.
“Old postcard.”
“From?”
“Mizuno.”
“Who?”
“An old friend.”
The word came easily.
Old friend.
Not current?
Maybe both.
No need to decide.
Takahashi picked up his cup.
“You call him?”
“Yes.”
He looked surprised.
“Today?”
“Yes.”
“What happened?”
“We talked.”
“That is disappointingly normal.”
“Yes.”
“How long since?”
“Years.”
“How many?”
“I don’t know.”
“You could check the postcard.”
“He told me not to.”
Takahashi stared.
“You obeyed?”
“Yes.”
“This Mizuno has influence.”
I laughed.
“Still friends?” Takahashi asked.
I looked at the postcard.
“I don’t know.”
He frowned.
“You just called him an old friend.”
“Yes.”
“That sounds like friend.”
“History.”
“What did he call you?”
“He didn’t classify the relationship.”
“This is unbearable.”
I smiled.
“Why does it matter to you?”
“It doesn’t.”
“Then?”
“I’m curious.”
There.
Fair.
I thought.
Did I feel friendship?
Affection, certainly.
Familiarity.
A gap.
A present connection perhaps thin but real.
“I think he’s still a friend.”
Takahashi nodded.
“Fine.”
No.
He caught himself.
“Acceptable.”
I laughed.
He asked:
“Seeing him?”
“No plan.”
“Why not?”
“Because we had one phone call after years apart.”
“So?”
“So nothing.”
Takahashi drank.
“Do you want to see him?”
Maybe.
“Yes.”
“Then ask.”
I looked at him.
“Kyoto is not coffee across town.”
“Trains exist.”
“I know.”
“Your postcard proves that.”
“Apparently unreliable trains.”
“Still.”
I did not answer.
Would I go to Kyoto just to see Mizuno?
Maybe someday.
But I did not want to turn one call into a recovery project.
“I don’t need to decide that today.”
Takahashi nodded.
“True.”
That was all.
He let it stay there.
We drank coffee.
Then Takahashi asked:
“Sunday museum?”
Ah.
Railway museum.
“What time?”
“Eleven?”
I checked.
Morning free.
Evening consultation at five.
“Yes.”
“Good.”
No.
I stared.
He smiled.
“Deliberate.”
“Clearly.”
Friday’s funeral began at two.
Hydrangea photograph.
Their mother in a hat.
Looking away from the camera.
The younger brother stood in front of it before the service.
For a while.
Then said to his sister:
“You were right.”
She answered:
“About what?”
“The picture.”
She looked at him.
“Don’t say that too loudly.”
He laughed.
No one asked me whether it was proper.
We began.
The service was small.
Three siblings.
Two grandchildren.
One neighbor.
No unexpected guest.
No argument.
The hydrangeas in the photograph were brighter than the funeral flowers.
No symbolism needed.
They were flowers from a different day.
That was enough.
After the service, Mr. Hasegawa came to me.
“Thank you for Wednesday.”
“You’re welcome.”
“You were off.”
“Yes.”
Then:
“You still answered.”
“Yes.”
He looked as if he wanted to apologize again.
I stopped him before he did.
“You had a current death. Calling was reasonable.”
“But you didn’t come back.”
“No.”
He nodded.
“That was probably reasonable too.”
I smiled.
“I hope so.”
He looked toward his siblings.
Then:
“I think I understand.”
“What?”
“You can answer without coming.”
There.
“Yes.”
He nodded.
Then went back to his family.
Simple distinction.
Useful.
By five, the temple was quiet.
The hydrangea photograph had left with the family.
Flowers too.
No reason to retain any of it.
I completed the service record.
Then noticed the postcard still on my desk.
Mizuno.
I had brought it back again.
Maybe I should return it home.
I slipped it into my coat pocket.
This time intentionally.
At home, I placed it in the drawer with the other postcard.
Beside the envelope.
No special new envelope.
No label.
Just back where it had been.
I closed the drawer.
At seven, my phone rang.
Unknown number.
I almost ignored it.
Answered.
“Hello?”
A woman’s voice.
“Niioka-san?”
“Yes.”
“This is Yuko.”
I stopped.
Mizuno’s wife.
“Yuko-san.”
“Good. You remembered this time.”
I closed my eyes.
He had told her.
Of course.
“I remembered eventually.”
“So I heard.”
She laughed.
Then:
“He has been insufferable since yesterday.”
“Why?”
“You called.”
There.
I did not know what to say.
She continued:
“He pretended it was nothing.”
“That sounds familiar.”
“He told me three separate times that you still had the postcard.”
I laughed.
That did sound like something.
Then Yuko said:
“Thank you.”
“For calling him?”
“Yes.”
I looked toward the closed desk drawer.
“I wanted to.”
“I know.”
Pause.
Then:
“He missed you.”
There.
I did not know whether Mizuno would have said that himself.
Probably not.
Was it hers to tell me?
She had.
Now I knew.
“I missed him too,” I said.
Yuko became quiet.
Then:
“Tell him.”
“I did not say it yesterday.”
“I know.”
Of course she knew.
“What exactly did he report?”
“Everything except anything emotionally useful.”
I laughed.
Then she said:
“I’m not asking you to do anything.”
There.
Good.
“I just thought you should know.”
“Thank you.”
“Come to Kyoto sometime.”
Maybe family habit.
Invitation.
Not schedule.
“I’d like to.”
“Good.”
No.
I let her have it.
We spoke another two minutes.
Then ended.
I sat at the kitchen table.
Mizuno missed me.
I missed him.
Neither fact had made either of us call for years.
Interesting.
Not noble.
Not tragic.
Just human.
Feeling did not automatically become action.
Sometimes that protected people.
Sometimes it simply created silence.
I knew both versions now.
I picked up the phone.
Could call Mizuno immediately.
Tell him.
Too much?
No.
Maybe.
Did I want to?
Yes.
I called.
He answered on the second ring.
“You again?”
“Yuko called me.”
Silence.
Then:
“She did what?”
“She called.”
“I’m going to divorce her.”
“No.”
“Fine. Move temples.”
“You already did.”
He sighed.
“What did she say?”
“That you missed me.”
Long silence.
There.
Then:
“She is dead to me.”
I laughed.
“You told her I forgot her name.”
“That was important information.”
“She retaliated.”
“Apparently.”
Then silence again.
I did not rescue him.
Finally he said:
“I did.”
Two words.
No joke.
I answered:
“I missed you too.”
There.
Another pause.
Then Mizuno said:
“Idiots.”
“Yes.”
“Both of us.”
“Yes.”
He laughed softly.
Then:
“Come to Kyoto.”
Not sometime.
Still no date.
But direct.
“I will.”
“When?”
There.
A real question now.
I opened the calendar on my phone.
Not tonight.
No.
This did not need immediate booking.
But neither did it need indefinite maybe.
“Let me check November.”
“November?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
No.
Neither of us laughed this time.
It was simply useful.
“I’ll call you this weekend.”
“All right.”
“Not after another ten years.”
“That would be inconvenient.”
We ended.
For several minutes, I sat without doing anything.
Then I opened the drawer.
Not for the card.
Not for the charger.
For the postcard.
I took it out.
Looked at the picture of Kyoto.
Old roof.
Old sky.
Printed scene.
Nothing particularly beautiful.
I turned it over.
Train delay.
Weather.
Temple.
Mizuno’s handwriting.
I still did not check the date.
He had said not to.
Not a binding instruction.
Just a joke that had become preferable to knowing.
I put it back.
The other envelope remained beside it.
Niioka card.
I did not open that either.
Interesting.
Two old connections had now moved differently.
Takahashi had returned deeply into my present.
Mizuno had returned as a voice, perhaps soon as a visit.
Neither relationship had followed a plan.
Neither needed to resemble the other.
One old object had helped begin one reconnection.
Another old object had prompted another.
But the objects could stop there.
The phone calls belonged to us.
Sunday, I would go with Takahashi to a railway museum neither of us cared much about.
Sometime in November, perhaps, I would go to Kyoto.
Two future things.
One almost ridiculous.
One unexpectedly important.
Both had begun with something simple.
Do you want to go?
Do you want to call?
For years, I had been very good at waiting until there was sufficient reason.
A need.
An obligation.
A service.
A problem.
Now I was beginning to recognize another reason before it disappeared into another year.
I want to.
Sometimes that was enough to pick up the phone.